Dig0923 Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Hello, new to posting but have been reading for a little while. The Story and Backstory: Long read, Sorry. I met my girlfriend about 5 years back. When we met she was 18 and I was just hitting my 20th birthday. I was her first serious boyfriend and first for everything. At the start I knew she was interested with me and I played hard to get, not intentionally. I had gotten out of a relationship 2 years prior where my ex had cheated on me, so I was a little leary of a new relationship. Eventually I decided to go out on a date with her and things just went off like magic. We eventually started dating and things were going great. She would tell me I was the one for her and that we were going to be together forever. She even used to write stories about her future husband and he had my name. About a year or two into the relationship things were getting serious and I was getting scared because I was starting to think things like, "She wants to be with me forever" "She says I am the one" and things like that of serious nature. I was scared so I told her I think I needed a break and I was unsure if I loved her anymore. I was interested in a girl to which I never went after but wanted the option so I had to break it off with my ex. After about a month or so of talking on and off (where I never dated or went after anyone) she had told me that she had connected to someone (In a massive multiplayer game) and was talking with him regularly. It was a strong enough feeling that she was considering going across the country to see him and see what happened. When I realized how strong her feelings were twards him I realized I might lose her and it opened my eyes to how much I truly loved this girl and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her... We eventually talked it out and we got back together and she never went out across the country to see said guy. We had talked about that situation later on in or relationship and she had told me the reason she wanted to go see him was because he showed her interest and was attracted to her. We eventually got back to the way things were and we were going strong for about 3-4 years. Fast forward to the begining of this year, 2011. We live together at my parents house only because I have been having a hard time with work in this econemy while trying to go back to school. She always told me how much she didn't enjoy it here being in a room with just us all the time but never wanted to go places with me. She would just sit around and play the MMORPG and talk to certain guys in game. Eventually at the begining of this year she started becoming distant, playing the game more and more and telling me I needed to go out more and give her space, yet she would just sit home for 12 hours a day on her days off and play the game and talk to a certain guy or two. I would catch her flirting with them and saying things that really bothered me but she would say things like, " It's just my personality don't worry if they take it too far I stop them..." Thats all fine and dandy but it just hurt me with just the friendly flirting and it seemed like she never took that into consideration. Eventually she was just playing all the time and then coming to bed when she felt like it and never showed me any physically emotion at all. She would just crawl into bed, and fall asleep. In the mornings on her days off we would usually go get coffee, or go do errands ( which just seemed like a routine after a while ) and then she would come home and just play and flirt all day long. I would try to talk to her about this but she would just say things are fine and I don't need to worry about anything or anyone. Eventually after days and days of no physical emotion I finally got her to admit that maybe her feelings have changed. She had told me that, "We met young" and "Maybe I grew up a little bit". It got to the point where I was sleeping on the couch and not in the bed anymore and she acted like that was ok because it was me "Giving her space". Well it eventually got to the point where we decided that she should go back and move in with her mother to give her some time to think about everything and that way she could get her space away from me and decide what she wants in life. So the day came, she packed some clothes and packed up her computer and left to go to her moms. I was heartbroken and as most people, was crying up a storm. Well about an hour after she left she called me. Silly me thinking it was some sort of , " I've made a mistake I'm coming home!" type of phone calls, I picked it up only to have her ask me for help in setting up her computer and internet at her moms house. In retrospect I should have said no but I helped her and that was the last of her I had heard. That was about a week ago. Since then I have been trying to go NC with her but every other day or so I message her just to try to ask what happened and where we stood. I would ask if she still was in love with me and get responses like "I Don't know". She would say things like this as well.... -"No, I don't think I am in love with you anymore." - "I don't know if I am in love with you because I don't know what else it out there..." - "I just don't know what I want to do right now. You're right, we're probably going to stay friends, if that's something that you want. But I have no idea what the future holds. I still care about you, and I hate the fact that I hurt you. It kills me to know how sad you are. All I can do though, is apologize. Whether or not you accept is up to you." And here are some snippets of our converstations this past sunday night. Her: I don't know if I'll want to be with you again. Her: Not romantically. Me: I've accepted that, why do you think you don't honestly? Instead of IDK anymore you know your not in love with me anymore right? Her: Well, I honestly don't know why I'm not in love with you...or even if I'm not in love with you. I just know it doesn't feel like it. And You're right, I'm jsut going to have to meet somone, or something. Her: I think deep down I just knew I couldn't fix things. Her: And neither could you. Me: Do you still think that? Her: I do. I had not talked to her after the night she said all this, but I finally sent her a message on IM this past wednesday. I told her I got that new job and I would be starting school in the fall. I then asked her if it was better for the both of us if I just stopped talking to her. She said "Text is fine and hearing my voice on phone would be hard." When I asked her why she said, "It's still hard to hear you talk because I still care about you. I just need my time I guess." After this I wanted to see how she felt about the concert we were suppose to go to this coming up friday. I told her that I would like to go with her but I think it would be best if we don't go together, because I need to start looking out for myself. She understood but said, "If thats how you feel, but I would like to go with you." I then told her that I would have to think about it, and I would get back to her. After that I told her that she could message me if she wanted to to talk but I can't promise I would respond back. After that I said I had to go, said see ya, and haven't talked to her since. That last converstation happened this past wednesday and I have not talked with her since then. She has not tried to contact me and vice versa. Now I just have no idea what to do about this concert coming up, the problem is that I really want to go but do not want to go thinking something magical is going to happen and just end up going but having a terrible time. Although In the back of my head I am hoping that is what happens. The reason I have that in the back of my mind is because this is her favorite band we are going to see, last time we seen her favorite band she told me it was the best night of her life because she saw her favorite band and I held her the entire night. She also seems confused about what she wants and I don't know if she really doesn't love me anymore and it seems she doesn't either. G.I.G.S? So maybe I am just venting, maybe I know what I am going to do about the concert I just want to hear what others think or other who have been in the same situation to maybe get some advice. I have been getting some advice from people who know me, and who know us, but maybe I would just like to hear what some complete strangers have to say. Sorry for the lengthy post and the long story and explanation. I just am at a loss on what to do. Thank you for those who took the time to read all this and I appreciate any words, anyone has to say.
Author Dig0923 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 I know this is a long story and don't expect everyone to read I posted just to help vent and release my thoughts somewhere else. I guess I know the answers to all my questions and what I should do. I just wish I didn't have to make certain choices.
Author Dig0923 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Going strong with the NC until today when I messaged her through text to ask her to contact me so we can get this concert thing figured out. I have been ignoring her and not trying to message her for reasons that are obvious. I now will wait and see whenever she replies and what she has to say, I won't be WAITING for her to text but will wait and see what she says and if she still wants to go with me to the concert. I know that in her eyes she will still want to go as a friend and I have to see if I can deal with that and end up going. The killer is an hour drive up there and back so I hope things don't end up getting uncomfortable if I end up going.
NursingGirl Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I know it hurts but you have to stop contacting her! The concert is not the reason you are contacting her, you are using it as an excuse to contact her. Either sell the tickets, waste the tickets or take someone else...even a friend. She has no idea what she wants right now and contacting her over and over is only going to make her want you LESS. You will live through this like just about everyone else does. I know it's hard. Read the NC threads and other material over and over again. Get busy with other areas of your life. Designate a small time during the day to feel sucky about the situation and all throughout the rest of the day....redirect your thoughts when they get focused on you/her again. Go out with friends, set up an online dating account, get ready for school, take up a form of exercise...anything to redirect.
Author Dig0923 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I have done everything you said to do lol. I don't have the tickets and when we broke I told her that I would contact her and see what we were going to do about the concert, should I have not done anything and let her decide what she wanted to do, meaning call me about it or whatever?
Author Dig0923 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 A little update on the situation: Without reading that post, long story short breakup happened because my gf broke up with me. Now after going NC for a month, we went to a concert this past friday night. We both had a really good time and forgot about everything that is happening between us. Of course at the concert I held her and she grabbed my hand and held it most of the night. After the concert on the ride home we kinda talked about our relationship and where would go from that point. The usual "I don't know" came up but she told me she did not want to have me not be in her life. After getting back to my house I asked her if she wanted to stay the night, knowing it was a bad idea, but I would sleep on the couch, to which she said it would be better if she went home. She invited back to her house but it was just to have sex with her, she said thats all she would want me there for, and after a few min of talking we both decided that was bad and she went home. She texts me about 20 min after she got home and asks me to come over. Obviously being stupid, I went, we slept together and then after we slept together she got really upset and told me that it was a bad thing that happened and she was a bad person. After that she basically told me I needed to go home. I know all of that was a mistake so fast forward to the day after. She contacts me while I am out with my friends and asks where I am. I told her I was out with friends and that I was out having a good time. I told her if something was wrong and she said no but wanted to talk when I got home. Later that night when I got home, I sent her a message on aim and we talked for a few hours. During this time talking to her she told me she missed me. Of course she asked me WHO I went out with , and when I didn't tell her she said, "NVM its none of my buisness who you do or what you do." She continued to say though that she still doesn't know what she wants but she makes it seem like she doesn't want me to give up in trying to be with her again. There was talk about her saying that she didn't like the fact that my life wasn't moving in the right direction (As it is now) and that I did not have a place of my own. "I just want to be taken care of" she said a few times and told me that she keeps seeing things that remind me of her... SHE BROKE UP WITH ME! Now I understand she probably said she missed me just because she knew I was out or whatever but the weird thing was that the night after that we talked again and she told me to come down for a date night monday night. So I went down monday night cooked her dinner and then we watched a movie. After which I left and got upset on the way out from her house which she saw, and after I left i called her on the way home and asked her if she had a good time. She said yes and when I asked her if she wanted to talk when I got home she told me "I don't want to talk to you everyday". Now with that story filled in up until today ( The date was yesterday, neither of us tried to contact each other all day today ) I just have a few questions. She bascially is saying she doesn't want to be with me right now, but why does she want to have a "date" night like the other night? She was the one who broke up with me but tells me that "I don't know if I am over you" Should I just go no contact and try to leave her alone and see what happens or should I continue to try to see her whenever she and I want to hang out and just give her space in between those times? She wants to take things slow with me she said and doesn't want to rush into anything but doesn't say she wants to BE with me. Do you think she is just using me to make herself feel better? Or do you think that if we hang out there is a chance things could work out? She keeps saying she doesn't know what will happen or what she is going to feel. I just like hanging out with her but she says when I get upset, when I left the other night that it makes her not want to get back with me....so I don't know what to do. I know I can be strong and not be upset if I hang out with her because I feel like we will get back together again from what she is saying and it seems like progress is being made. But do some members on here think she might be saying that for another reason? Should I give her space or continue on?
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