eerftaf Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I can't tell if this girl is interested in me, or just playing hard to get. I was at a coffee shop with a group of friends, and one of my friend introduce me to some new people in the group. One girl caught my interest, so the next day, I looked her up on Facebook and messaged her, and gave her my number. We texted each other for about 3 weeks. I finally asked her if she wanted to hangout (next week). She said she would think about it, and get back to me. 6 days go by, and she didn't bring it up, so I decided to remind her. She then agrees to have dinner. I asked to pick her up, but she declines my offer, so we had dinner, and called it a night. About 4-5 days go by, and I asked her if she wanted to hangout in a couple more days. She ignored the text. So I texted her again the next day, and asked her again if she wanted to hangout. She says "uh maybe, i need to know what your plans are first". I said if she wanted to get coffee, and she agrees. We meet up again, have coffee, and called it a night. About 3 days go by, and I asked her (Monday) if she was busy on Wednesday night? She said "uhhhhh maybe", then changes the subject. I had to get back to the subject again 10 mins later, and said "I thought maybe we can hangout before your busy weekend since you have to be out of town". She agreed but this time she wanted to go to my usual eating spot. So Wednesday came around and I asked her if she wants to be picked up, and again, she declined. I usually pay for dinner, but this time, she refused to let me pay, and insisted on her paying for us. - When we text, I usually have to be the one that initiates the texts, and she doesn't carry the conversation very well through texts. - When we talk during dinner, she never asks about me, never asks what I'm going to do for the weekends, etc. I'm the one that's asking about her, and/or have to bring up a topic where we both can talk about. I would think that if she's not interested, then she wouldn't give in for the dates. Should I ask her straight up if she's interested in me?
Dust Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I can't tell if this girl is interested in me, or just playing hard to get. Your guess should be better then ours. If it seems like she might still like you and you still like her you just keep trying till it becomes obvious one way or the other, or until you stop giving a damn. I was at a coffee shop with a group of friends' date=' and one of my friend introduce me to some new people in the group. One girl caught my interest, so the next day, I looked her up on Facebook and messaged her, and gave her my number.[/quote'] Dude that’s kind of lame. You should have just flirted with her in person and suggested you two do something together some time. You would got her number and gone on the date that night or what ever. Instead you add her on facebook. A lot less cool then just doing it in person especially since you pretty much had this girl served up to you. I mean you didn’t even have to break the ice yourself your friends introduced you. We texted each other for about 3 weeks. I finally asked her if she wanted to hangout (next week). She said she would think about it' date=' and get back to me. 6 days go by, and she didn't bring it up, so I decided to remind her. She then agrees to have dinner. I asked to pick her up, but she declines my offer, so we had dinner, and called it a night.[/quote'] See no philosophizing or guessing needed. At this point in time despite lamely txting and using facebook she obviously liked you enough to have dinner. Does that mean she wants to be your gf at that time? Who knows? What it does mean is she liked you enough to have dinner, and despite what I consider lame attempts. The thing I’m confused about is whether you kissed, touched, did anything romantic before you called it a night. I mean its obvious you aren’t as smooth as you could be txting and facebooking so much but please tell me you at least tried to kiss her before you said goodbye. Also if a date goes good you don’t have to set an exact time but you should say toward the end something like “I want see you again, let do something Thursday” or what ever. So did you kiss her or at least try to? I mean if you try to even if she rejects it makes you look cool for trying. Also please tell me you talked about at least vaguely going out again some time in the near future. About 4-5 days go by' date=' and I asked her if she wanted to hangout in a couple more days. She ignored the text. So I texted her again the next day, and asked her again if she wanted to hangout. She says "uh maybe, i need to know what your plans are first". I said if she wanted to get coffee, and she agrees. We meet up again, have coffee, and called it a night.[/quote'] Why would you let so many days go by before asking her out again? Did you just not call or msg her in all this time? That would make most people get annoyed by you. Also because you are the guy most girls will expect you to be the aggressive one in setting up dates etc. So she really could hold it against you that so many days went by where you didn’t even try to set things up. I mean if I’m understanding you correctly you just let things sit 4-5 days after your dinner date. If it were me I would have had another date set up the night of the dinner date which yes may have been 4-5 days away but at least it would be planned and give her and you certainty. Also having a dinner date and then going out for coffee and calling it a night is a step backwards. I mean things would look better for you if it had been coffee first and then dinner date. You may be moving backwards why did you suggest coffee? Also it sounds like you let this date end with zero romantic attempts so now your just like some boring guy to afraid to do what he wants, or worse you confuse her about what you want. I mean I am assuming you want to kiss her but were just to afraid. About 3 days go by' date=' and I asked her (Monday) if she was busy on Wednesday night? She said "uhhhhh maybe", then changes the subject. I had to get back to the subject again 10 mins later, and said "I thought maybe we can hangout before your busy weekend since you have to be out of town". She agreed but this time she wanted to go to my usual eating spot. So Wednesday came around and I asked her if she wants to be picked up, and again, she declined. I usually pay for dinner, but this time, she refused to let me pay, and insisted on her paying for us.[/quote'] So, let me do the math. You wait 3 days to call and set up a date. So, 3 days is like a who knows what is happening. That means if she does like you or if she is on the fence about you then she may change her mind. Why wouldn’t you set something up like the next day or the day you saw her. Set something up for the future. If you do wait 3 days and call don’t set something up for 3 days later. Set something up for that day “are you free today?” Or set it up for the next day. What’s your usual eating spot some chain like TGIFridays? Don’t get to specific if it gives away the small town you live in but just curious if it was a chain and what type of food it was. So it sounds like you had the all important 3rd date that almost guarantees she likes you. The date many people see each other nude on. But in your case the highlight of the night was worrying about how she paid. Don’t let your ego get to you that is pretty sweet. So let me guess you had a 3rd date and she didn’t try to kiss you and of course you didn’t try to kiss her. You got step up son and make a move. Most girls don’t ask or make the move themselves. Don’t ask just do it. Do something. Your trying to date this girl not be her lame guy friend. - When we text, I usually have to be the one that initiates the texts, and she doesn't carry the conversation very well through texts. - When we talk during dinner, she never asks about me, never asks what I'm going to do for the weekends, etc. I'm the one that's asking about her, and/or have to bring up a topic where we both can talk about.. She’s could be shy and awkward. I mean she went out with an awkward guy like you 3 times. Don’t be so hard on her in these early stages she really may like you or just be passing the time and annoyed by you. Either way the guy normally has to carry things in the beginning. It’s your job to not put your foot in your mouth and just have a good time. I would think that if she's not interested' date=' then she wouldn't give in for the dates. Should I ask her straight up if she's interested in me? [/quote'] No don’t ask her straight up “do you like me?” I mean even if she does like you putting her on the spot like that will make you seem so lame and needy and it will just be awkward and not romantic all. Don’t even tell her “I like you” hoping she’ll say it back. That stuff has to be genuine. I say you find out if she likes you by kissing. The truth is you never fully know if some one likes you. You like her and she keeps hanging out with you. So its good so far. Enjoy it and please listen to my advice.
fetish1980 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I'm going to step out on a limb and say that this girl is more than likely playing hard to get. With her always putting you off, she might be testing you to see if you are a weak man who will still be groveling behind her or a tough man that's going to say, "Enough is enough!" and know to move on about your business. Either way, i think she's gaming with you a little bit. Having said that, I think you need to playfully bust her or call her out on it without being rude. Sometimes women, especially good looking women want a man who's not afraid to tease them a little bit about their behavior and say what's on their mind. I'm not saying to be a jerk and rude, but try one more time with her and then playfully say something like: "Oh, you're the type of woman who knows she's pretty but kind of likes to put guys off a little!" Something like that will catch her off guard to where it will put her in a position to explain herself to you. Then all of a sudden, stop calling and texting, at least for a while. It will make her wonder more about you. I'm just going based on experience that women are more attracted to guys that show a little bit of backbone rather than the ones who run after them all the time, being so nice, and kissing their toes. Believe me, i've blown plenty of opportunities with a lot of hot women behind putting them on a pedestal and acting like I had to submit to them. As for her paying for her own dinner the 3rd time, I'm guessing it's for 2 reasons. One, maybe she's not interested in anytihng more than friendship and going dutch makes it more on a friendship level rather than a romantic date. Or she could be trying to send a message to you letting you know that she can pay for her own meals and doesn't need a man to pay for her all the time, which is another form of playing hard to get. Just my thoughts. It's taken me a long time to learn this. Like i said, you can still be a nice guy, but let it be known that you're a nice guy that doesn't have to stick around to take any s**t either. fetish
fetish1980 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 BTW, that was good advice Dust gave as well. fetish
Author eerftaf Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Dust: Thanks for taking your time and reading and also writing. I really do appreciate it. The reason why I didn't go in for the kiss, nor get naked yet is because of the cultural differences. We are both Asian, I'm somewhat more Americanize than her, but she's only been here for half a decade. I think our styles of dating is a bit slower than my usual American friends. But I will take your advice on being a bit more aggressive, possibly not try to kiss her, but maybe hold her hand. I know that if i went in for a kiss, she probably would freak out and not talk to me again. The reason why I FB messaged her because our group was already calling it a night since we went out late. Also, FB was only used once to contact her initially. Since then, I don't use FB, and as of right now, I actually don't have FB at all, I deactivated it. For the 2nd date, the reason why I said coffee, is because there is this cafe that she told me she loves a lot, and I chose that because it was a nightlife kind of cafe. The first dinner date was still around 7pm, so it wasn't really that late, and wasn't that fancy. The cafe was a lot more fancier than the initial date. For the 3rd date, she knew where my usual hangout spots were. And at the end, she wanted to go to this place that just serves chicken and beer. Not romantic at all, but she insisted. She told me that she's a very adaptable person, and said she doesn't care if the place was ghetto (but fortunately, it wasn't). About the texting, I didn't go idle when not seeing her between dates. Texting continued, but I did try plan things ahead of time before, but she would say it's way to early to tell if she's busy that day. So she kinda hinted me that it's best to ask closer to the day to make plans - last minute. But I will take your advice, Dust, and be more forward and such, and be less lame. I will let you know how it turns out, but because of the cultural differences with how the normal American does it, I can't be that aggressive. Thanks very much
Author eerftaf Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Something like that will catch her off guard to where it will put her in a position to explain herself to you. Then all of a sudden, stop calling and texting, at least for a while. It will make her wonder more about you. I am the one usually initiating the text msgs. But I did try your move one time, and I didn't text her for a whole day. The next day, she texted, and said "Hi, are you okay? You disappeared?". It was kinda surprising because she doesn't carry the convos well in text, so i thought she wasn't interested in my texts. Her answers are most of the time - one word answers, or very short. As for her paying for her own dinner the 3rd time, I'm guessing it's for 2 reasons. One, maybe she's not interested in anytihng more than friendship and going dutch makes it more on a friendship level rather than a romantic date. Or she could be trying to send a message to you letting you know that she can pay for her own meals and doesn't need a man to pay for her all the time, which is another form of playing hard to get. She told me the reason why she dont want me to pay is because "we both work hard for our money". Another detail I left out is that she says she's very independent. Thanks fetish for your response. BTW, i'm 31, and she's 29, so I don't know if advice will be given differently.
fetish1980 Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 well that makes you and i the same age. 1980 right? that's what it means at the end of my username. lol so i guess the advice applies to us young old folgies.
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Just kiss her and you will have your answer. Yeah, sometimes you just need to go for it!
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