endangered species Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Just found out My girlfriend of one year lied to me. I know she gets cold sores aka herpes hsv1 on her lips. I accepted this. When we got together I was totally std free. However I found out that she also has hsv1 on genitals despite her emphatically stating that she has never had anything down there. I've had symptoms on my johnson That may or may not be herpes and have also had a blood test that was positive for hsv1. When I confronted her I told her I read her journal - yes I know that was a breach of trust - and discovered the truth. I gave her a chance to come clean first and she lied until I brought up the journal. Up until this point I've felt I could trust her, now I don't know if I can. We've both been through a lot, in our 30's, divorced, have kids, and were planning on moving in together this month. I love her like crazy, but I've been cheated on and lied to before with my ex and i told myself I'd only be with someone I can trust. She's devastated, and has apologized profusely and wants to work it out. I believe her. I told her I need space to work through this in my mind before I can let hey know where I stand.
Arikel Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Well if youve been kissing you could easily catch it .. and has she gone down on you?
wilsonx Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Thats not the problem the problem is the huge lack of honesty that in the end violated his health and safety. IMO this is a huge red flag and no matter how much you love someone there was no concern for your health and well being as she lied to you. The decision is up to you but even though you love her, if she is not honest about this, think about something in the future that may happen that she wont tell you about
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Well, HSV1 is usually transmitted orally during childhood. But, it can be transmitted sexually as well. HSV2 is primarly transmitted through sexual activity. So, if your blood work shows that you have the HSV1 virus, you could have gotten it by simply kissing her. But, if you have something going on with your....ummmm....Mr. Happy. Well, not to be gross, but you may have gotten it that way from her...when she had an outbreak on her lip and she was.....you know.... Which means that if it's HSV1 it doesn't mean that you'll always have an outbreak....ummm...there. Where HSV2 is usually localized to.....there. So, I don't know what her diary said, and I'm sure that I'm not making things easier for you. All I can say is hang in there.
Disillusioned_Wife Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) First off, I have HSV1 (cold sores). The virus sits in the base of the spine and can be provoked by stress, preservatives (canned fish mostly), wind burn, sun burn and if you live in the city the smog and environmental levels of pollution. For another, HSV1 can crop up as an outbreak ANYWHERE in the body!!! It depends on the person. It mostly crops up around mucous membranes like the nose, genital area, eyes, mouth and can crop up on skin. She very well may not get them in the genital area but you have. You did get it from her by kissing. It does not need an active outbreak to be spread from one person to the other either. My husband has not once had a cold sore in the 13 yrs we've been together, I don't get the outbreaks in the genital area but I do get them in the mouth area. My kids get them except for one of them. It all depends on the person's immune system, how it battles the virus and if it can at all. Mine can't, I got it as kid from a family member who did not have an active outbreak at the time. A simple kiss on the cheek can do it. She may not have lied to you at all in the first place. Okay I didn't catch the journal bit. I can tell you (but you already know) how utterly embarrassing this disease can be despite the fact that most people are actually carriers of HSV1 (globally). I see that she wrote in her journal about it BUT is she sure that's what it is. You said you were both in your 30s? A lot of women suffer from something called Bauher's Cyst syndrome that looks, feels and acts like HSV1. It has to do with hormones (it may not be this and it may very well be HSV1 but she needs to rule it out or in too). I'm sorry that she lied to you, she may not have known how to tell you and HSV1 is not an STD though it has characteristics of one. It is not considered an STD in the CDC documentation from what I've seen in the past (may have change that). Only HSV2 is considered a characteristic STD. Edited August 5, 2011 by Disillusioned_Wife
Author endangered species Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Wilson hit the nail on the head. The issue I'm grappling with most is the lie and whether or not this represents a complete reevaluation of her character. I truly want to be with someone i can trust and has the same level of integrity that I do. I don't even know if that exists, which is why I feel like an endangered species. I had a relationship for over 10 years with someone who repeatedly lied to me and I never saw it because wanted to believe in the fantasy. I posted my horror story of going through that breakup on this forum under a different name. I feel naive because I've literally only had 2 relationships, and until my divorce had only been with one person, yet I still want to believe in things like honesty and integrity. All my experience has been with building a life someone, rather than becoming a good judge of character. I miss my gf and don't want to cause her pain. I want to believe she'd never do this again. Id like to hear from other peoples experiences about dealing with lies in a relationship. Have you been able to move past it?
carhill Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Girlfriend lied In other news, the sky is blue. People, of which GF is an example, lie. My sympathies that it was about something this distressing to you. Here's some info on HSV1 and 2: Under a microscope, HSV- 1 and 2 are virtually identical, sharing approximately 50% of their DNA. Both types infect the body's mucosal surfaces, usually the mouth or genitals, and then establish latency in the nervous system. For both types, at least two-thirds of infected people have no symptoms, or symptoms too mild to notice. However, both types can recur and spread even when no symptoms are present. The primary difference between the two viral types is in where they typically establish latency in the body- their "site of preference." HSV-1 usually establishes latency in the trigeminal ganglion, a collection of nerve cells near the ear. From there, it tends to recur on the lower lip or face. HSV-2 usually sets up residence in the sacral ganglion at the base of the spine. From there, it recurs in the genital area. There's a huge amount of science out there to review if you want specifics, but it's probably moot to your issues. TBH, I've heard so many lies from woman over the decades that I'm pretty much immune to them. I give what trust and love I can afford to lose and leave it at that. My instinct here is that trickle truth has begun. Hope it works out.
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