TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I'm pretty much over my ex, I don't think it will be long until I can say 'I'm completely over her'. I don't think about her much and I'm in a good place, I feel like a new person, it's weird! Anyway.. I'm still finding myself avoiding situations that will remind me of her, things like watching a movie by myself or listening to music, I guess I'm scared of getting upset and letting myself down. This probably sounds strange.. Did anyone else find themselves avoiding things like this?
radiodarcy Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 hi Tainted! i'm glad you have been feeling better i know how you feel. i have 5 months NC and while i have disengaged from the ex considerably and the urge to contact him via text/email/instant message has all but vanished; i still don't think i will ever be completely over him. i think this is in part due to the fact that he was my first everything in terms of love and sexual experience. i too, tend to stay away from movies, songs and even books that may "trigger" my feelings or remind me of him. i think this is a normal, healthy thing to do. although sometimes i will listen to a song by an artist he likes just to see if i feel that same twinge - - and i really don't. nor do i feel the same way when i google pictures of celebrities he told me he found attractive. at the same time - - feelings are feelings and having had mine stepped on by the very person i had those feelings for, has made me very weary of allowing myself to be exposed to any potential reminders of the source of that pain.
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 hi Tainted! i'm glad you have been feeling better i know how you feel. i have 5 months NC and while i have disengaged from the ex considerably and the urge to contact him via text/email/instant message has all but vanished; i still don't think i will ever be completely over him. i think this is in part due to the fact that he was my first everything in terms of love and sexual experience. i too, tend to stay away from movies, songs and even books that may "trigger" my feelings or remind me of him. i think this is a normal, healthy thing to do. although sometimes i will listen to a song by an artist he likes just to see if i feel that same twinge - - and i really don't. nor do i feel the same way when i google pictures of celebrities he told me he found attractive. at the same time - - feelings are feelings and having had mine stepped on by the very person i had those feelings for, has made me very weary of allowing myself to be exposed to any potential reminders of the source of that pain. Thank you! It's funny how you mentioned staying away from books, I adore reading and before we broke up she brought me a book by my favourite author but I'm not able to read it because she brought for me! And I'm worried it will trigger a horrible feeling. How silly is that! I guess we'll get there. soon I hope!
joe123 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 yer i struggle watch bbc three i know it sounds weird but everytime i see it i do get a lil upset its all we ever used to watch on tv
kellyisme Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I have a great sound system in my car and used to love to ride around with the top down and the music rocking...now I can't even turn the radio on. It's been 6 weeks for me, I'm hoping it gets better with time. I am starting to feel a little better than the day before. Baby steps!
radiodarcy Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Thank you! It's funny how you mentioned staying away from books, I adore reading and before we broke up she brought me a book by my favourite author but I'm not able to read it because she brought for me! And I'm worried it will trigger a horrible feeling. How silly is that! I guess we'll get there. soon I hope! you will ! you are doing so much better than i did. look at how far you've come in just a few weeks! it took me much longer. i don't think you're being silly at all not to want to read the book your ex brought for you. i would feel the same way. i too adore reading and i did one of the most ridiculous things not long after he dumped me: in a fit of anger and depression: i threw out a book i had bought on our first date because it reminded me too much of the good times that were never to be. looking back it was a bit symbolic: because he would always put down my interest in reading, saying they were boring, a waste of time, etc. he also told me i needed to tone down my vocabulary as other people would find it condescending but i am pleased to say that since i have been rid of him i have picked up right where i left off and have discovered that's it has helped me a great deal in getting over him. i certainly don't miss him, let alone think of him with my nose buried in a book
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 you will ! you are doing so much better than i did. look at how far you've come in just a few weeks! it took me much longer. i don't think you're being silly at all not to want to read the book your ex brought for you. i would feel the same way. i too adore reading and i did one of the most ridiculous things not long after he dumped me: in a fit of anger and depression: i threw out a book i had bought on our first date because it reminded me too much of the good times that were never to be. looking back it was a bit symbolic: because he would always put down my interest in reading, saying they were boring, a waste of time, etc. he also told me i needed to tone down my vocabulary as other people would find it condescending but i am pleased to say that since i have been rid of him i have picked up right where i left off and have discovered that's it has helped me a great deal in getting over him. i certainly don't miss him, let alone think of him with my nose buried in a book Getting away helped me a lot! I also wanted to throw everything away that she bought me. I wont throw away the book because I really want to read it, I also want to watch movies like I used to. My family think it's a silly way of thinking they say things like 'The book isn't about her' or 'the movie isn't about her' Ha!
Bito Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 everyone copes in different ways! I refused to let her take away the joy I feel doing something I like. Even if it was something we used to do together or if it reminds me of her. For instance I used to make her mixes for trips to see me. I still make mixes now because I like to do it. I did think of her but then I rememberd its my activity not hers... Obviosly this took a little time to acheve but it is all part of the healing process!
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 everyone copes in different ways! I refused to let her take away the joy I feel doing something I like. Even if it was something we used to do together or if it reminds me of her. For instance I used to make her mixes for trips to see me. I still make mixes now because I like to do it. I did think of her but then I rememberd its my activity not hers... Obviosly this took a little time to acheve but it is all part of the healing process! Yeah you're right, I shouldn't let her spoil the things I enjoy.
antinko Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Yeh, I totally know where you're coming from on this one. The way I've forced myself to cope with the sentimental/memories part of the grieving process is to simply expose myself to the things which remind me of her and just let the emotions happen, and then move on. I live in a small city (it's only a city because it has a cathedral, otherwise it's more a village!), and my ex lives here too. I tried avoiding certain roads we often walked or drove down together, avoided pubs, bars, you name it... But it wasn't sustainable and eventually part of me just said "why should you avoid these places and things?" I came to the conclusion that this avoidance was just another way in which she was controlling me without even being present, so I just acknowledged the fact that they reminded me of her, but tried redefining them. It's mostly working except for one place which I still hate walking past because I know on certain times she is likely to be there and possibly with a new partner...but I just get on with it. Break ups suck.
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Yeh, I totally know where you're coming from on this one. The way I've forced myself to cope with the sentimental/memories part of the grieving process is to simply expose myself to the things which remind me of her and just let the emotions happen, and then move on. I live in a small city (it's only a city because it has a cathedral, otherwise it's more a village!), and my ex lives here too. I tried avoiding certain roads we often walked or drove down together, avoided pubs, bars, you name it... But it wasn't sustainable and eventually part of me just said "why should you avoid these places and things?" I came to the conclusion that this avoidance was just another way in which she was controlling me without even being present, so I just acknowledged the fact that they reminded me of her, but tried redefining them. It's mostly working except for one place which I still hate walking past because I know on certain times she is likely to be there and possibly with a new partner...but I just get on with it. Break ups suck. I'm not even sure that these things will remind me of her, I'm just avoiding them just in case! I might be able to read my book or watch a movie alone without giving her a thought..I won't know until I just 'Get on with it' So I WILL read my book
triphopper414 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Oh yeah, my SO works for an org that runs a commercial during my favorite tv show (all the time), so I turn the channel when the commercial comes on. I hear that music, the channel changes. I read a great book, and it suggests giving away the things your ex gave you to charity. TaintedHeart, donate that book to the local library and go buy yourself another copy to reward yourself on all of the progress you have made. You should not let your ex spoil something you love. The things we love make the bad times and bad things bearable.
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Oh yeah, my SO works for an org that runs a commercial during my favorite tv show (all the time), so I turn the channel when the commercial comes on. I hear that music, the channel changes. I read a great book, and it suggests giving away the things your ex gave you to charity. TaintedHeart, donate that book to the local library and go buy yourself another copy to reward yourself on all of the progress you have made. You should not let your ex spoil something you love. The things we love make the bad times and bad things bearable. Surely I can't throw away everything she bought me? Like clothes, cd's ect.. I've obvioulsy got rid of the meaningful things like the ring she bought me.
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