I keep running into this girl - not sure if she's into me?

[gutts]

6 months ago

 

First met her at the bus stop; I initiated a conversation about how the bus system sucks, we had a "smalltalk" conversation just getting to know each other. We both got on the bus, I got off two stops later to a train station, I waved bye.

 

3 months ago

 

At the exact same bus stop we first met, she was boarding the bus and I was walking toward the bus but didn't know she was actually the same person until I walked off the bus 2 stops later ( I noticed her staring at me for longer than normal as I frantically paced to get to the bus stop from afar ) - I was just too nervous to react back ( I didn't make direct eye contact to avoid communication and it was pretty packed on the bus, too ) but I'm pretty sure I could tell she was thinking "is that the same person?" in her head and I'm pretty sure she was legitimately happy to see me again.

 

3 weeks ago

 

I started going to the pool around this time and one day she actually came to the pool near closing. We were both in the water and I eyed her a couple times wondering if she's the same person - our eyes met and I initiated a conversation about how we met X months ago, and had more small talk.

 

Since she came near closing, the pool closed after a few minutes of small talking and I got out of the pool, waited for her to get her things while I got my things and we both headed out of the pool. As we were walking, she asked in which direction I lived ( and building # out of curiosity, I guess ) and she also lived in that direction, so we both started walking west.

 

We arrived at the parking lot and our buildings were on opposite sides, so we parted. I didn't ask for her # or make ANY arrangements for if she was going to the pool next time, I guess I wasn't ready for that and plus I was still kinda surprised from seeing her - caught me way off guard.

 

Last week

 

I arrive from work to the train station which has bus stops, decide to not walk because I was sore that day, missed the first bus and 5 minutes before the second bus came, she walked by the bench I was sitting ( she couldn't see me ). I was sure I saw her so I started walking in the direction she passed, it was the next bus stop and I initiated yet another conversation.

 

She seemed legitimately surprised and happy to see me from what I can tell, we took the bus home ( we get off the same stop ) and chit chatted on the bus. At one point she mentioned she had DVDs in her bag and was gonna return them to the library.

 

We both got off the bus and walked down the street, chatting. We came to my parking area where my building [ no elevator, ground level ] was, and since I didn't feel like parting again I asked her if I could join her in going to the library to drop her stuff off, and she seemed fine with that.

 

We tried to decide on where to meet up after we dropped our stuff home, and then she suggested she'd just wait for me while I dropped my stuff off and so I did - didn't make her wait long [ 1 min? ] but I didn't desperately rush up there either. I came out with 2 drinks and offered 1 to her, since it was a hot day.

 

We headed down to her building [elevator; high rise ] and I asked her if I should wait for her to which she said no, and invited me in going up. We took the elevator up, walked into her apartment where she offered me drinks/food but I declined, and so we went back down.

 

Random observation: Not sure if this matters but she seemed to walk in front of me as she walked to her apartment, not by my side.

 

We continue our conversation, we talk both in Russian and English, I make her laugh plenty of times, we get to the library and drop her stuff off. We walked out of the library and she then asked if I wanted to join her in going to the food store and I said yeah.

 

We spend a few minutes at the food store, she has a cart full of items and asks if I'm getting anything - I pick out almonds. We walk over to the checkout lane and she steals my almonds and puts it in her lane to pay. I take the almonds and said nah I can pay for it, but she grabs them and puts it in her lane.

 

Random Observation - Was she giving me a **** test, or just being nice, or what?

 

I let her pay for it, but then carry the bags for her and tell her I'm charging her $1 per minute I carry them, and that she can't take them away from me etc.. to be playful.. I think there was natural chemistry in the playfulness, and so we head back and continue talking...

 

We talk about interests, and she brings up salsa, which is what I just started doing... so we talk about salsa for awhile, and she spins the wheel in my direction about interests - I mention I do MMA and she has no clue, so then I say boxing and she does this punch motion and I nod [ she must be into the conversation or interested, no? ]

 

Random observation: At one point she takes her shirt off to reveal a tank top off while we cross the street - it was a hot day but I don't think it was that hot.. coincidence?

 

We arrive at her building, I offer to bring the bags back to her place [ shouldn't have done that - nice guy move ] - she walks off and then I ask her for her number...

 

I get my phone, but the batteries died [ this part is true. f**kin Optimus V ], so I ask her to write it down ( I don't think she had a pen on her ), but she offered to just take my number.

 

After I give her my number she seemed legitimately smiling, and we both walked off.

 

Conclusion

 

I've received no phone call from her since last Thursday [ the day I gave her my # ]. Can anyone provide advice as to whether she was into me or not?

 

Here are some random things to take into account:

 

1. We are both of the same ethnicity, a very rare minority ( we're not specifically Russians )

2. She works weekends and only has like 1 day off, she does retail at some mall.

3. She's older than I am by around 8-9 years

4. She came to the US 4 years ago while I was here most of my life, so her etiquette may be different

 

I've been overanalyzing the hell out of this and would appreciate some comments. I shouldn't have had my expectations so high - because I thought it went so well that she'd give me a call the next day or day after, I was pretty sure we had natural chemistry because I seemed to make her laugh, was playful, though I can see areas where I made some "nice guy" moves so it's hard to decide.

 

If I do see her again though, I'm dead set on just asking her out so I don't have to keep overanalyzing this. Here are things I can come up with:

 

- She could very well be into me but she may be programmed to let the male take the initiative and that's why she hasn't called yet. I have initiated all our conversations.

- She isn't into me but just a very nice person [ indicated by buying the almonds for me ] and actually taking my number

- I gave her the wrong phone #.. though I'm pretty sure I communicated the right phone #

- She wrote my number down wrong

 

 

Things I've learned so far:

 

- If women take your #, make them call you so you have their #

- Make sure your cell phone batteries are alive if you ask a girl for her #

Edited August 5, 2011 by gutts

[gutts]

Questions for the women:

 

1. Would you let a guy walk with you to the library if you only had 2 short convos with him in the past?

2. Would you let a guy into your apartment if no one was inside? Since she let me in, does she have some sort of trust in me? Is this usual?

3. Do women usually pay for food like that? Does that signify there's something? Was it a **** test or something?

4. If you were the girl in this scenario, would you have called the guy? Are you programmed to let the guy take the initiative in terms of calling unless it's deep, deep into the relationship?

 

BTW, Sorry for the wall o'text but I say an overflow of details is better than a lack of details.

 

EDIT: Forgot to add this part, when we were walking back she brought up how her arm was [minimally] bruised from a machine while making a crepe - I didn't point this out and she brought it forth by herself.. since she's willing to share that - does that signify interest at all?

 

EDIT #2: Not that this greatly matters but she's around 5'7 and pretty good looking, I'm around 6'3, 170 lbs with an athletic build. There are some women that when I talk to, I get kinda nervous and all but whenever I talk to her, I never stutter and talk like she's my equal, I stay calm, smooth and composed.

Edited August 5, 2011 by gutts

[smudge21]

Google "over analyzing"... lol, just kidding, but you are looking at every small detail rather than the big picture. Yes, she does like you, simple. Now what happens after that is anyones guess, as there are no rules in the dating game.

 

So you haven't seen her since giving her your number and she hasn't made contact. Don't stress it and stop thinking too much into it. At the moment you have no idea what she's doing every single day, she could just be busy or may have lost your number.

 

Just carry on as you are doing but next time you see her, ask her out, just for a coffee. It always seems like you're both doing other things when you meet up, so instead just suggest that you'd like to meet her on purpose for once instead of by accident. Subtle dating line there.

 

Until you know more, don't presume anything - try not to build up your hopes but also don't put yourself down when you don't hear from her. Enjoy the chase, it makes the prize so much more worthwhile.

[dispatch3d]

In theory, and hypothetically, giving a girl your number makes sense.

 

In practice, it's never going to ****ing work.

 

So yeah, next time get a promise for a meetup, or arrange for something to do, and then get the number as an afterthought. The number in itself isn't worth anything - the girl will (almost) always say yes, and if she doesn't like you will either (1) not pickup or (2) give a fake number.

 

Anyhow, hopefully you see her again and can arrange something new from that. I'm not sure you have many other options (go to her house? if you knew where she lives, but that could come off kinda creepish. Whatever. Can't live your life worried about being creepish.).

[Pierre]

 

 

Things I've learned so far:

 

- If women take your #, make them call you so you have their #

- Make sure your cell phone batteries are alive if you ask a girl for her #

 

She likes you, but if she is Eastern European her friendliness may not necessarily mean a romantic interest.

 

I have a female friend from that part of the world that was exactly like this woman. I thought for sure she wanted me, but in the end she was simply a female friend that was overtly friendly from the very beginning. She did things that suggested more such as asking me to go to her apartment as soon as I met her. I was in shocked and did not make a move because she was foreign and somehow I felt this was her style.

[gutts]

She likes you, but if she is Eastern European her friendliness may not necessarily mean a romantic interest.

 

I have a female friend from that part of the world that was exactly like this woman. I thought for sure she wanted me, but in the end she was simply a female friend that was overtly friendly from the very beginning. She did things that suggested more such as asking me to go to her apartment as soon as I met her. I was in shocked and did not make a move because she was foreign and somehow I felt this was her style.

 

She's Kyrgyz/Russian, she's not European but maybe that's her style too.

[Pierre]

She's Kyrgyz/Russian, she's not European but maybe that's her style too.

 

Oh, I had to google that.

 

Kyrgyzstan:

 

 

 

I think the character from the movie Borak was from there.

 

Hmm-------------then you know better than I do. What is the culture like back home? Is she a Muslim?

 

 

Kyrgyzstan

• A little less than an arm’s length of personal space during conversations is the norm in most situations. This space tends to be less between good friends and family.
  
• When it comes to personal privacy, it is common for people to enter a room with a closed door without knocking. This tends to be the case if you are staying with a family as a guest. People may also seem surprised when you lock the door to your room or ask for them to knock before entering.
  
• Touching is common during conversations; especially on the hands, arms, shoulders, back. There tends to be more touching between members of the same gender than members of opposite genders.
  

 

Communication Style

 

• The Kyrgyz tend to speak in a very round about manner. They don’t' usually just state their point directly; they tend to hint at things and very often they will give someone the answer they think they want to hear rather than the truth.
  
• While people may be indirect when giving answers or asking for assistance, they tend to be quite direct in asking what people from other cultures may feel as personal questions. It is common to ask about one’s marital status, salary, age, etc.
  
• Most people have a good sense of humor that tends to be on the warm side. Sarcasm does not usually go over well.
  

 

 

Greetings between Men greeting Women- At a first meeting a handshake or simple nod of acknowledgment will usually suffice. It is best for women to initiate the greeting. Good friends and family may exchange a kiss on each cheek.

Note: It is taboo for religiously observant men to touch women and vice-versa.

 

Eye Contact

 

• Direct eye contact tends to be the norm to the degree that it is not deemed challenging or a "stare down."[FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]
  
• Avoiding one's eyes is usually reserved for when you are expected to be ashamed of yourself.
  
• [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]Religiously observant men may avoid eye contact with women and vice-versa.[/sIZE][/FONT]
  

 

Gestures

 

• Many people will point with their faces. For example, if something is "over there" they'll point their nose and raise their eyebrows (the higher the eyebrows the further away something is).
  
• Blinking is often used to show agreement to something someone says or to just say "yes".
  
• Clicking the tongue is away to say “no”. For example, if you were at a bazaar being asked to buy something over and over again, a verbal “no” may not do the trick, but a tongue click will show that you are serious and that you don’t want to buy anything.
  
• Whistling to get someone's attention from a distance, like across the street, is common.
  
• Most people will expect you take your shoes off when entering a home.
  
• When you are offered something at a dinner table, for example as a guest at someone's house, it is polite to refuse what you are offered 3 times before saying yes (even if you don't really want it). While some may see this as pressuring you into eating more or drinking more, it is just their way of being polite.
  
• If invited to a home, note that the most honored guest of the night will usually be sat furthest from the door.
  

 

 

Socializing

 

• In the bigger city there is more dating is common and men usually ask women out.
  
• In rural areas there is hardly any dating and if a girl has a boyfriend it is very secretive so the only people who know about it are her close friends.
  

[carhill]

The 'Stans' and Russia/CIS are considered to be Eastern Europe and that's what Pierre meant. My experience aligns with his, though I have had intimate relations with FSU/CIS women as well in their home countries.

 

Take 1/100 of the time it took to bang out the OP and ask her on a date. Sometimes simple is better.

[JHS]

My opinion: She likED you but your far-too-complicated way of looking at life and situations scared her off. Instead of just having some fun with her, responding to her cues and sending "I like you back cues" and letting romance develop, you've "been overanalyzing the hell out of this." Like someone trying too hard to get a car unstuck from mud, you've sunk it.

 

Another observation: With the phone, you blew it. You weren't ready. Girls like ready, prepared guys. Here's a trick: Learn how to just memorize a girl's phone number. It impresses them.

Edited August 5, 2011 by JHS

[gutts]

My opinion: She likED you but your far-too-complicated way of looking at life and situations scared her off. Instead of just having some fun with her, responding to her cues and sending "I like you back cues" and letting romance develop, you've "been overanalyzing the hell out of this." Like someone trying too hard to get a car unstuck from mud, you've sunk it.

 

Another observation: With the phone, you blew it. You weren't ready. Girls like ready, prepared guys. Here's a trick: Learn how to just memorize a girl's phone number. It impresses them.

 

I thought she was just gonna call me.

 

I really did blow it in terms of the phone thing.

 

Can you tell me where I failed with the "I like you back" cues?

[gutts]

Take 1/100 of the time it took to bang out the OP and ask her on a date. Sometimes simple is better.

 

Chuckled at that. Yeah, it did take about a good hour or so, heh.

 

I'm pretty sure I know where she works - should I try to hit her up there and ask her ( it's a cafe type place, not some desk job ) or should I just wait for our next accidental meeting?

[gutts]

In theory, and hypothetically, giving a girl your number makes sense.

 

In practice, it's never going to ****ing work.

 

Can you elaborate on why? Because men need to always initiate things in the start of a relationship? Women always expect the men to initiate the conversation?

[carhill]

Show up and see if she's there. The world is full of coincidences and 'accidents'. Her response to your presence will indicate your next move. This is where social cues are important. Only way to know is to go. Anything less than an enthusiastic response would have me enjoying my cup of coffee and scone and moving on without further keyboard time.

[sm1tten]

She seems friendly but it doesn't come off as overtly interested i a romantic sense. I think the phone thing is being overblown, but you could be right that she's more traditional and therefore unwilling to call you.

 

Nevertheless, I wouldn't focus too much on the lack of phone call. You're investing way too much time and thought into analysing this. If you see her again, just ask her out if she seems receptive/friendly/interested. If you don't, chalk it up as experience earned.

[gutts]

By the way, before we last parted she said she was doing Ramadan so it seems she is religious ( I am an atheist ).

[carhill]

That must be pretty tough, fasting all day while working at a cafe. The good news is she'll be famished by sunset, so offer to take her out for her favorite meal.

[gutts]

Alright.. I think I'll hit her up at the mall she works at tomorrow sometime during the evening, and if she's there I'll ask her out.

 

It's painful as is overanalyzing this over and over, at this point I'd rather get denied than go through weeks of "what ifs".

[Pierre]

Alright.. I think I'll hit her up at the mall she works at tomorrow sometime during the evening, and if she's there I'll ask her out.

 

It's painful as is overanalyzing this over and over, at this point I'd rather get denied than go through weeks of "what ifs".

 

 

Exactly! You lose nothing by formally asking her out.

 

BTW, Muslim women can be quite sexual. However, if she is devout she may not give you sex unless you ask for marriage.

[JHS]

Can you tell me where I failed with the "I like you back" cues?

 

You'll see her again. Just be yourself. When she does something cool, just respond naturally and don't think about everything. I ran into an old lover the other night. She offered to join me while I ate something. I didn't take that as her being into me or not. But what I did take that way was the way she looked at me, her slight smile. Her body language...that's how you know that a person is into you. Be that same way back so she gets that you are into her. Women aren't chasers, they want to be wanted and chased...Watch this girls signals and see if they're still that way. As you start to figure out that she's into you (or not) you will build your attraction with her...and make sure you see if she wants to hang out some time - and if she says sure, say how about Saturday...

[JHS]

In theory, and hypothetically, giving a girl your number makes sense.

 

In practice, it's never going to ****ing work.

 

 

Well, in rare instances it works. Girls want to be called. THey don't want to chase.

[gutts]

You'll see her again. Just be yourself. When she does something cool, just respond naturally and don't think about everything.

 

Do you mean have more succinctness in my responses? I did respond naturally.

[gutts]

pretty sure i got denied, i asked her out at her work ( food place ) and she said she was going to dinner w/ boss ( female boss ) and would "let me know" .. translation -> denied

[Cracker Jack]

Oh, well. At least you tried. That's the important part. What exactly did you say to her?

 

It's possible that she could get back to you another time. But it's better to not focus on that possibility at this point.

[JHS]

pretty sure i got denied, i asked her out at her work ( food place ) and she said she was going to dinner w/ boss (female boss) and would "let me know" .. translation -> denied

 

Probably a crash and burn, but who knows? And since she doesn't have your number, how will she "let you know"? Moreover, if you did not hear, "Oh, I can't, but some other time..." or something like that it is probably a no. But be glad you asked because this would have been rattling around in your head like a BB in an empty tuna can for a while.

 

As for your succinct responses, I have zero idea how to answer that. I was not there to hear. But you should know when you're on your game or not...

 

Good luck.

[gutts]

Probably a crash and burn, but who knows? And since she doesn't have your number, how will she "let you know"? Moreover, if you did not hear, "Oh, I can't, but some other time..." or something like that it is probably a no. But be glad you asked because this would have been rattling around in your head like a BB in an empty tuna can for a while.

 

As for your succinct responses, I have zero idea how to answer that. I was not there to hear. But you should know when you're on your game or not...

 

Good luck.

 

She does have my number.