chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 The guy I've been seeing for 5 months finally asked me to be official when we were in Las Vegas which was a week ago. Right after we were official we realized we were late for our friends' bachelor and bachelorette party so we rushed off and seperated.We didn't discuss this and I didn't know I'd end up at a male strip club lol. Both of us ended up at strip clubs that night getting a lap dance. I wasn't bothered at the thought of him getting a lap dance thinking it was just a dance. I never knew exactly what they did. Today on Facebook his friend accidentally let it slip that there was bare boobs all over his face. He was on the verge of passing out though because he drank too much that night...ran to the toilet to throw up at the strip club. Worst hang over next morning. I can't help but be bothered that there were boobs in his face. I'm really hurt that bare naked boobs were on his face! He's a really nice guy and has never treated me wrong but I feel like crap. I actually had a lap dance from a male stripper bought but they just dance but not hump or touch you in privates or with their privates. Should I let him know how I feel about lap dances and am I overreacting to lay down the law saying neither one of us can get lapdances?? I'm more so bothered by the personal skin to skin contact boobs rubbing on his face and stuff.... Would it be controlling to let him know what I want and how I feel?? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Slim Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Yes, I think you're overreacting a bit. But I wouldn't have a problem with my wife or girlfriend prohibiting lap dances. It's perfectly reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha49 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 First of all your reaction is perfectly normal. The vast majority of human emotions are built to cause jealousy if someone else touches the person we love. Especially that kind of contact. I went to a strip club with a bf and although I did not mind the *thought* of a stripper rubbing herself on him, actually seeing it in front of me bothered me and hit a jealousy and insecurity nerve. Sure I was completely fine after, but in the moment I did not feel comfortable with it. And most normal people will respond emotionally in that kind of manner. It is not wrong that you felt that way. No matter how anyone would like to argue, no one can ever prevent the way they feel about certain situations. And for someone to say they would be perfectly fine having some strange woman's boobs rub up against her guys's face... she would definitely actually FEEL jealous seeing it or picturing it. No one wants another person touching their partner. As for telling him no more lapdances... that may be what you want but you should think about something. Do you think he asked her to rub her boobs on his face? If he is a good guy and never mistreated you then I don't see him having requested that and so she probably did it just to get the money's worth and show off. I would just tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and ask him what happened. But most men hate a controlling woman when it comes to their fun outings with buddies. Just have a talk with him and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha49 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 My point to that 2nd to last paragraph was: It probably wasn't like he asked for it. He could have felt awkward for all you know. I don't see a reason to punish him for something he never asked for or saw coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) I understand that Tasha. Honestly, I'm all up for going to a strip club with my bft. I know it sounds weird...but I wouldn't be bothered by it because I feel like it's an "us" thing and an activity we share. You know what I mean?? I don't even know if he remembers too much of that night. Honestly, it was just a bad way to start off a relationship because his friends got him trashed and he's never been that drunk to the point where he passed out and his friends carried him. I don't want to punish him for it but I just want to let him know how I feel about it and how it makes me feel inside. Maybe compromise like no lap dances? Edited August 5, 2011 by chelle21689 Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha49 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well... Actually I guess if you go together but not alone it is an ideal compromise. And pretty fair. I may feel insecure letting him go alone if his friends get him wasted. Men are kind of like boys when they're together. Sorry men, forgive me Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 It was a bachelor's party in VEGAS so of course they'd go crazy lol. I'm just afraid of him thinking "Wow, first week of being my gf and already she's nagging" if I talk to him about how hurt I feel. =( Hey, no lap dances...I don't give a F if it's his friend's bachelor party. He has to plan his next friend's bachelor party...I know he's strongly against cheating/hurt because he's been betrayed. But hey, maybe one day if we're serious and engaged then maybe he can get a lap dance as long as no boobs are touching his face lol Link to post Share on other sites
diamondette Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) I will help you from the other side of the table... i was a lap dancer in the UK for 7 years and also worked in Vegas once... in the UK there are way more rules, in Vegas anything goes (hence y i worked once and left-i was disgusted!) Yes she would of put boobs in his face (in vegas it is skin/skin contact) and most likely been naked too (uk and Vegas) but let me tell you to the girl it was nothing, pure money, she saw your man as a $20 note. when i used to do the job i couldnt even tell u what the guy looked like cos i just didnt care to me he was money so firstly to the girl he was nothing! secondly from his point of view he was propbably letting his hair down and doing the "boy thing" if he does it on a normal saturday night with the lads not a stag do then id be more complaining but not just a one of for the "special" occasion. Edited August 5, 2011 by diamondette Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thanks diamondette. I think that full nude strip clubs aren't as much a turn on as the ones that leave the underwear on though lol. But you do agree it's not controlling to ask him to please not get lap dances when he goes to strip clubs? I know he really likes me a lot but I still don't like that image...you think it's okay if I talk to him about that? He says that strip clubs aren't his thing and he thinks it's a waste of money BUT...his friends did pay for it and I know he'll be going to another bachelor party which is fine..just not fine with the lap dances. He wouldn't pay for one but I know his friends will try to get him to get one. Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I think it is controlling, but I also think that you have to establish boundaries in the relationship that you're both comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 It's not controlling at all to express your personal boundaries to your BF. After all, he doesn't HAVE to agree to them. If he sees it as "controlling" that you don't want another woman rubbing her breasts in his face, he is free to find a girlfriend who doesn't mind that. Or he can agree to your boundary and continue on with the relationship. You can't get mad at him for what happened since you guys didn't talk about it beforehand and agree on no lapdances, but you can definitely say "hey I'm cool with you going to strip clubs & would even like to go with you sometime, but lapdances make me uncomfortable so I'd prefer you not to get them." If he freaks out and insists that he has a right to lapdances, you can make your decision about him from there. I'm guessing he'll agree to the boundary though, esp since you said he's not that into strip clubs in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 I find it funny how a lot of guys that I told about this are like "Let it go! It's just boobs for christ sakes!" Sm1tten, I'm just curious. So in a relationship to you, everyone is free to do what they want? I don't want to appear controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well, I sure would be unhappy about it if my husband had a lap dance given to him. But it was a bachelor party, after all. Not like that's happening on a regular basis. I'd let it go. If there was no sex involved, it's not that big of a deal. But I sure would put my foot down if he was going to strip clubs at other times. I want to be the one to excite my husband and turn him on, not some floozy in a strip club. Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I find it funny how a lot of guys that I told about this are like "Let it go! It's just boobs for christ sakes!" Sm1tten, I'm just curious. So in a relationship to you, everyone is free to do what they want? I don't want to appear controlling. No. Like I said, you can establish whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate. I simply think that telling another person what they can and cannot do is controlling. Doesn't mean he's going to see it that way, particularly if he isn't into strip clubs. Link to post Share on other sites
Bridgey Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Let it go this time. You can't change what happened, and like you said he probably doesn't even remember most of what happened. Next time he mentions he's going to a strip club let him know lap dances make you uncomfortable. Right now it doesn't do much good to bring this incident up after the fact. And you guys just officially got together, don't bring up drama quite yet Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I took my bf to a strip club for his birthday and I got him 2 lap dances. What I didn't know is that the first stripper said ladies first and next thing I know I had boobs in my face! So when it was his turn, it didn't bother me at all. We held hands and he squeezed my hand so tightly...when he did, I gave him a well placed kiss wherever. That is the most fun date we have ever been on. Amongst all the nudity, during the rest of the night, we sat next to each other so close our foreheads touched. Showing a man you are confident, that you trust him, and that you accept him, will make your bond unbreakable. However, this has to be a good man and not a man you cannot trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well that's different because I feel like it's an activity you guys are sharing. Honestly, I would rather I be getting a lap dance with him (lmao) rather than him with his buddies but it's not really the dance that bothers me..it's just the skin to skin contact of touching...... I honestly feel like I want to just casually let him know I didn't like the lap dance but I don't want it to be drama at all. I feel like I won't be able to let it go until I can get this off my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Both of you getting lap dances, yeah I don't think you can really accuse the guy of being mean to you or anything. Like you can't really sit there and lay blame on the dude because YOU got a lap dance as well. That said, I'd probably just say you feel hurt/upset about the lap dance regardless, and would like to start a no-lap-dance policy from now on in the relationship. I wouldn't say that is really an unreasonable policy anyways. Yeah talk to him about it, and the fact it made you a bit upset. Don't go into a big thing or anything like that. Just let him know how you feel about the stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Bridgey Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well that's different because I feel like it's an activity you guys are sharing. Honestly, I would rather I be getting a lap dance with him (lmao) rather than him with his buddies but it's not really the dance that bothers me..it's just the skin to skin contact of touching...... I honestly feel like I want to just casually let him know I didn't like the lap dance but I don't want it to be drama at all. I feel like I won't be able to let it go until I can get this off my chest. Then go ahead and talk to him, no one here is going to stop you Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I actually had a lap dance from a male stripper You are aware that saying he can't have any lap dances is hypocritical? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) Well I'm saying from this point on no lap dances for either of us. But it's not so much the lap dances that bother me...if you read this thread...I'm bothered that the girl is naked and her naked privates are touching his face. Plus the guy's lap dances don't have them with no underwear and have skin to skin contact...no privates touching me at all. I'd be fine with not being able to get lapdances because I felt nothing. Edited August 5, 2011 by chelle21689 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I've never had a lapdance with skin to skin contact, and I went to a full nude club in Vegas. There really is no equivalent to a woman's breasts being rubbed on a guy. A guy with no underwear on doing skin to skin is the same thing as a woman with no underwear on and that's obviously going too far. If you want to tell him something, say that the skin to skin thing went too far for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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