Queen Zenobia Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I'm just stating the truth of nature. I have never seen an extremely attractive adult woman who is in a long term relationship with a man who is broke just like I have never seen a wealthy man with an uglier woman. I'm not saying they don exist at all. But they make up perhaps 1% of relationships. You're giving an extreme example. I too have never seen an extremely attractive woman with a broke man. However, I have seen some very good looking women (maybe not most guy's 10's but still) with guys who make less than 6 figures. In almost all of these cases both partners work for a living. Gold digging (to me) is when a woman who could not make a substantial amount of money on her own goes and deliberately seeks out a man who does, and almost always gets with the man for his money which is always a 6 figure salary or above. That is an arrangement that is by far outside of the norm of most relationships, and is an arrangement that benefits neither party. Perhaps you have a different definition of gold digger?
FitChick Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 There are beautiful women with low self-esteem who date losers. This describes a friend of mine. She always turned down successful, educated professional men who treated her well in favor of alcoholics and semi-homeless who abused her. So there is hope for some of you! Of course, she was extremely neurotic and needy so there is always a down side.
musemaj11 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 You're giving an extreme example. I too have never seen an extremely attractive woman with a broke man. However, I have seen some very good looking women (maybe not most guy's 10's but still) with guys who make less than 6 figures. In almost all of these cases both partners work for a living. But I suppose the men still make more if not around equal to what the women themselves make, yes? Thats my point. Generally speaking, women want men with the highest financial status that their beauty can attract while men want women with the highest physical beauty that their financial status can attract. This is simple nature. Perhaps you have a different definition of gold digger? For me you are a gold digger if you care at all about the financial status of a potential mate. Deep down Im a hopeless romantic. If the other person doesnt care how much I have, Im not going to care how much she has either.
carhill Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Perhaps you have a different definition of gold digger? Although not relevant to this thread, since the potential men being discussed are 'poor and unsuccessful', I have encountered 'stepping stone' gold-diggers who use a string of less than obviously wealthy but generous men to finance their aspirations. I consider it to be a lesser form of gold-digging, certainly not as blatant, but one a less 'perfect' woman can easily aspire to. A subset of that path are those who marry a stable, though not wealthy, man and have affairs with wealthy men, financing a second lifestyle. These 'gifts' are separate property for the purposes of divorce and, securely funded, she can move on to the next 'situation'. There's lots of gray in this area. I've unfortunately had to add 'apparently stingy' to 'apparently poor' and this seems to sour the milk sufficiently. I can say that few women I've met seem to find an apparently stingy and apparently poor, though not apparently incarcerated, man attractive. So, there must be something missing
mtber75 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I personally would be fine with girl who say only graduated basic college and was doing someting simple like receptionist or customer service. I wouldn't care. we would help eachother and if we married we could fight together. But how about women? I often see that they care too much about if the guy has great jobs. That's why I don't know how i will be able to find a woman that doesn't care too much. Unless you have a compelling reason to be broke or not finish school...Most women will view you as being lazy and lacking confidence! Its also that whole evolutionary biology thing with the men being strong providers!
Queen Zenobia Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 But I suppose the men still make more if not around equal to what the women themselves make, yes? Thats my point. Generally speaking, women want men with the highest financial status that their beauty can attract while men want women with the highest physical beauty that their financial status can attract. This is simple nature. People generally go for people with similar values. Someone who's idea of fun is going to museums or historic battlefields and monuments isn't going to seek out someone who enjoys trips to the French Riviera or the Swiss Alps simply because of the money. Unless you think that money really does change people. For me you are a gold digger if you care at all about the financial status of a potential mate. Deep down Im a hopeless romantic. If the other person doesnt care how much I have, Im not going to care how much she has either. I think that's fair. The only thing that really should matter is whether the person is capable of supporting themselves, very few people operate their relationships like it's a soup kitchen. I think drive and ambition are attractive, someone who seeks to get the most out of their lives according to what talents they were given. If that means you make 25k and a gourmet dinner is ramen noodles then so be it. But no one wants a partner who rested on their laurels all their lives. FWIW, my parents are still happily married and my mother makes twice the amount of money my father makes, always has. Although I guess she could just be an extreme case.
Richard Friedman Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 The young women will cut you slack in the finances department if you're cool/handsome/exciting and just plain make her feel good, because they aren't serious. When they get the idea of settling down though finances and ambition are crucial. The starving artist or construction worker will never marry a beautiful woman, though he might be nailing them on the side while their husbands cater to them. It's why you should have tried harder in school:laugh:
thehead Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 The young women will cut you slack in the finances department if you're cool/handsome/exciting and just plain make her feel good, because they aren't serious. When they get the idea of settling down though finances and ambition are crucial. The starving artist or construction worker will never marry a beautiful woman, though he might be nailing them on the side while their husbands cater to them. It's why you should have tried harder in school:laugh: I agree with this. The more serious you get and the older you get, the more important having your sh*t together becomes.
carhill Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) Beautiful and super-rich woman, meet construction worker. I particularly liked the image caption. Apparently they had a lot in common, being that they met in rehab. Edited to add, though the M only lasted five years, they stayed in touch regularly until Liz died earlier this year. Interesting world. Edited August 5, 2011 by carhill
Star Gazer Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Seriously quietGuy, I have no idea if you're real or a troll, but if you're real, you don't get girls because you're weird and creepy. You're about on the same level as one goal. There is a reason he comes across different. He has explained that he is disabled, which is one of the reasons he cannot find employment. Try to be a lil' nicer, okay? As for dating, personally, I will only date a man who is my equal or better. So no, I would not date a poor, unsuccessful man.
Imajerk17 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 There is a reason he comes across different. He has explained that he is disabled, which is one of the reasons he cannot find employment. Try to be a lil' nicer, okay? As for dating, personally, I will only date a man who is my equal or better. So no, I would not date a poor, unsuccessful man. I wasn't aware of that. I've never had to deal with anything like that, so point taken. I apologize.
alphamale Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Women with self respect are not gold diggers. the majority of women are gold diggers by nature. whether or not they get the gold is a different matter.
delilah123 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 saying women want the 'hottest guy they can get' is bull**** because hot is subjective. when people weren't used to seeing me and my guy together, so in the first year or so we'd get comments like "wow well done mate" or other ridiculous statements like "how did you pull her" a) it's rude b) it's a ridiculous statement, obviously i find him extremely attractive. so no you can't 'compare' people and say an ugly guy therefore must have money otherwise he'd never pull. because he might not be ugly to his partner! that aside I don't think looks or money ARE everything, i know everyone on this site is bitter as, but suprise suprise, some women and men still look for an emotional connection (and you'll find when you have a strong one the person tends to appear bettter looking to you anyway). When you have that strong emotional connection, sure you dream about both having lots of money so there are no finicial worries.. but you wouldn't leave them for money. the bitterness of this site astounds me. do none of you know any successfully happy married adults? or people in happy long term relationships that aren't based on looks and money? seriously
delilah123 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 the majority of women are gold diggers by nature. whether or not they get the gold is a different matter. please do tell me how you came to this conclusion? i'd like some actual facts and actual statistics that don't revolve around the few women that you've met. because it seems to me the women i know want someone who loves them and who they love in return. money is always a nice bonus, but not the deciding factor. grow up, if you can't pull a lady don't hide behind the fact that "you don't have money", own up and say it's probably because of your derogatory opinion of women.
allina Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 As for dating, personally, I will only date a man who is my equal or better. So no, I would not date a poor, unsuccessful man. Same for me, and pretty much all my friends.
alphamale Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 because it seems to me the women i know want someone who loves them and who they love in return. money is always a nice bonus, but not the deciding factor. grow up, if you can't pull a lady don't hide behind the fact that "you don't have money", own up and say it's probably because of your derogatory opinion of women. don't give me that baloney. and we're talking attractive women here not their more homely sister
Nexus One Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) I know players that aren't rich, have regular jobs, but are able to wheel in hundreds of women from the entire spectrum of classes across society. Most of those women are attractive to most guys. Some of these guys look average or slightly above average, have regular jobs, but their confidence and fearlessness is off the charts. So some women might say they wouldn't date a guy below their economic and educational level, that doesn't mean the majority actually would, because I see a different reality. I see women from the entire spectrum wanting a relationship with these guys. From millionaires, dentists to poor students. From below average in looks to stunning. So from what I've seen I take the "I would only date a richer and more successful guy" with a grain of salt. Lots of women don't give a f*ck when push comes to shove. So don't sweat it. Most of you guys aren't players. You only want 1 woman to spend your days with. If you have to hit on a 100 girls to get that 1 girl, then you have reached your goal. It doesn't matter if those other 99 women would have only gone for a richer guy. Their motives are irrelevant once you've found your woman. It only takes 1, the right one. Go for what you want and use the tools you have to achieve it. Edited August 6, 2011 by Nexus One
Woggle Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 The young women will cut you slack in the finances department if you're cool/handsome/exciting and just plain make her feel good, because they aren't serious. When they get the idea of settling down though finances and ambition are crucial. The starving artist or construction worker will never marry a beautiful woman, though he might be nailing them on the side while their husbands cater to them. It's why you should have tried harder in school:laugh: It still sounds like the starving artist or construction worker wins in the end.
musemaj11 Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I think women wanting a man of higher status just like men wanting a woman of higher attractiveness is fair. However, I also think these same women should also accept that when they get older and lose their physical attractiveness it is fair for their men to want to trade them in for a younger and more attractive woman.
Eeyore79 Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 How women assess a man's success changes as they get older - an 18yo woman might assess "success" as having a car and beer money, while a 35yo woman is more likely to assess "success" as having a house and a well paid career. Success can also include things like popularity and having valuable skills (playing an instrument, artistic skills, etc). Looks are important, but not as important as success. The scale of male desirability goes like this: 1: Successful attractive man 2: Successful unattractive man 3: Unsuccessful attractive man 4: Unsuccessful unattractive man However there's a discrepancy between the ideal man and the man a woman can actually get. Every woman would like to date guy #1, but if they can't get him they'll take the next best thing. Also these attributes aren't absolutes - there's a sliding scale of success and attractiveness, and a woman will choose the best combination of those attributes she can get - and what she can get depends on her own desirability. A man who is neither attractive nor successful may struggle with dating, and will probably fare better with less desirable women who are equivalent to himself. So to answer the original question: yes, some women will date an unsuccessful man, but only if a)He's handsome, or b)They themselves are somewhat undesirable and they can't do any better.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I think most men want to feel a teeny bit superior to the women they date and marry. That doesn't mean they don't respect them. Men usually fear you will leave them for someone more successful, not someone better looking. That's the female fear. I've found that it is the men who have the issues with their earning power/success being "less" than the woman... not the other way around. Men have flat out told me they could never date/marry a woman who made more than them. Or had more education. They need to feel superior to the woman... it isn't coming from the woman in alot of cases. Its as if... when life gets them down, at least they can come home and feel like they are better than their wives....
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Is it true that Women like poor unssucessful guys? Wait... What ???
alphamale Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 throughout the ages women have looked for resources and men have looked for youth and beauty. i don't see that changing anytime soon.
Queen Zenobia Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I've found that it is the men who have the issues with their earning power/success being "less" than the woman... not the other way around. Men have flat out told me they could never date/marry a woman who made more than them. Or had more education. They need to feel superior to the woman... it isn't coming from the woman in alot of cases. Its as if... when life gets them down, at least they can come home and feel like they are better than their wives.... That's funny. My parents have been married for over 25 years and my mom makes more than twice as much as my dad makes. And they come from a much more traditional culture than most. I guess there's always exceptions.
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