warrenorabbits Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Okay, so ... I was kind of a creeper in two ways. I contacted this girl on OKC a while back and she responded a few months later. Her profile wasn't filled in so I asked her about herself and complimented her eyes. She was pretty thrilled and said that she'd love to get to know me. Sound good, right? She admitted to being only sixteen on her profile. That's okay because nothing raunchy transpired, and I'm nineteen anyway, but since it's 18+ only she was deleted. Out of curiosity I looked her up on Facebook (she had her town name listed and her name was easy to guess) and found a profile, but didn't add her. However, I kind of want to now, but ... 1. I think that the stalker factor might be too high. I could always just send a message with my invitation and say that I looked through some old messages, and then admit to looking her up out of curiosity. Then let her ignore or decline my request if that makes her uncomfortable. After all, she did say that she was interested. 2. In my state the age of consent is 17, but there's an exception if there's an age difference of no more than three years. I'm not implying that I'd meet her exclusively (or at all) for sexual purposes, but it would be essential to me that she be on the right side of 16 so that no one gets the wrong idea. Still, her parents could try to get me in trouble, and even if nothing could come of it that might be embarrassing. What do you think?
Mr. Slim Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 How much communication transpired? This seems like a HUGE reach unless you somehow developed a really great rapport in a short time and didn't mention it. And yes, the stalker factor is quite high so she might be wondering how desperate you really are to be trying to pull off this big a reach...
Author warrenorabbits Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 It was one message back and forth. However, I'd just like to play devil's advocate for a moment. How would you feel if someone said "Hey, I was just browsing my OKC mailbox and saw your message. I remember that you had really pretty eyes, and you seemed like a bright girl. [insert explanation of facebook stalking here] It's too bad that you got deleted. I'm still interested in getting to know you if you are, but I understand if me contacting you like this makes you uncomfortable, etc.". I might or might not respond, but I would feel more secure having everything explained to me for sure. It would probably put me at ease about the person, especially since they're not cornering me. I might even find it flattering and sweet that someone remembered me and went to those lengths to find me. After all, she did say that she would "love to get to know me." I would probably reserve the age of consent question for a later post and keep things completely neutral until I was sure that they were being truthful (lots of people have post bombs on their birthday). I think that that question would definitely up the creep factor and make me wonder even more about the person's motive.
Mr. Slim Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 It was one message back and forth. However, I'd just like to play devil's advocate for a moment. How would you feel if someone said "Hey, I was just browsing my OKC mailbox and saw your message. I remember that you had really pretty eyes, and you seemed like a bright girl. [insert explanation of facebook stalking here] It's too bad that you got deleted. I'm still interested in getting to know you if you are, but I understand if me contacting you like this makes you uncomfortable, etc.". I might or might not respond, but I would feel more secure having everything explained to me for sure. It would probably put me at ease about the person, especially since they're not cornering me. I might even find it flattering and sweet that someone remembered me and went to those lengths to find me. After all, she did say that she would "love to get to know me." I would probably reserve the age of consent question for a later post and keep things completely neutral until I was sure that they were being truthful (lots of people have post bombs on their birthday). I think that that question would definitely up the creep factor and make me wonder even more about the person's motive. How would *I* respond? I would think you're a stalker of course. But I get your point; frankly I have seen women respond to far worse BS than that. I have no doubt there are probably some magic words you can say, but figuring out what they are is anyone's guess. One thing's for sure, you don't lose anything by trying...
sm1tten Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 There are two things that stick out to me. The first is that you messaged her and it took her months to get back to you. That doesn't imply interest. The second is that you seem stuck on the fact that she said she'd "love to get to know you," as though that is meaningful. It isn't. Stalker factor is high but really, you have nothing to lose, so why not. Cross the "age of consent" bridge when you come to it.
Author warrenorabbits Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 I should clarify: she didnt log in for months. As soon as she remembered the site she messaged me. I don't claim that it's a personal love letter full of deep meaning, but I would never say that if I werent actually interested or was only slightly so. She was really happy about my compliment of her eyes.
Author warrenorabbits Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 I decided to drop this one. Too many negatives for what would ultimately be an LDR.
spiderowl Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I'm amazed that you found her! How was her name easy to guess? Was it her username? If not, then I'm wondering how you managed it. But, that aside, following up after only one message seems a bit much. What was her appeal exactly, after so few messages? How did anyone at the dating site find out she was under their minimum age? There are a lot of unanswered questions here. It would seem stalkery to contact her on Facebook but, people do and if she isn't legally underage, then you could. But, although there might only be a three-year age gap, at that age it makes a huge difference. Her parents may well consider her too easily led at that age to be happy about her meeting a 19-year-old. Would you be prepared to get to know her as a friend and see if, over a period of years, your relationship blossoms? If you are like most guys, I suspect years is not what you had in mind. I see no harm in a friends request, but try to be responsible about this girl. She may not be what you think: she could be anyone pretending to be any age - people lie on the internet, but if she is a 16-year-old girl who was being encouraging towards you, try to be responsible and not push her or take advantage. Hopefully, if this works out, in time her family would accept you. It's all a bit of a long-shot though as you hardly know anything about her.
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Yeah, haha, I am also curious, how DID you find her on Facebook? And TBH, there's nothing wrong with a LDR, it just requires some extra effort to maintain.
Recommended Posts