Final roll call.....

[Single Sid]

Posted a few basics of what happened with me in another section.

 

Was kind of hoping to hear from more similar people, an incite into others methods and/or woes over the years, a kind of ehug if you like to know im not here alone in this long drawn out but eventually peaceful situation.

Im sure im not alone. maybe im the lone idiot me thinks due to lack of replies, or maybe im in a fairly tough and for others untalkable position.

 

Im happy to divulge further but thinks whats said is sufficient maybe.

 

heres my 2 threads but posts can be seen via http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290480/fd035a94b25c25fe31903139ccb0a833

 

but ill quote the intitial posts to save readers going back & forth if they wish to reply...

 

ok heres a part of whats happening with me currently and in the past....

 

Jan 95 meet a girl, spend 5 years together, no major issues as such, 4 years into the relationship have a child. usual naggles as im sure every couple has but nothing i would call serious. within a few months of the child being born the relationship fell apart for reasons only my childs mother knows but of course i have my suspicions, but thats old hat really now. Doesnt really feel a major concern anymore.

 

Since the split things were quite raw for many many months but after the rawness we managed to sustain a varied and sometimes emotional friendship reguardless. Purely on a parent level i would say and nothing more than that, often her attempts at conversation i would end abruptly but as nicely as possible and the same is pretty much over the past, but think as time heels her attempts have become more often so over the months but nothing i would say over bearing just general family chitter chatter.

 

So heres where it gets rather confusing for me some what, past 2 or 3 months she has been reminiscing with me, on 3 or 4 occasions of recent she has bought up our past and the things we did, the good things, the funny things etc then just over a month ago i arrive to collect my daughter to find she isnt there but at a party and on her way back for me to pick up...

The ex invites me in, nice n calm whilst im waiting and proceeds to start talking about family things on her side and a few on my side i entertain her for a few minutes with small chat back, my child arrives so i up and leave, at the door she then starts talking again about our past and the funny things we used to do and as i looked at her there was that glance when 2 sets of eyes meet with joy.

 

i left but then it hit me, the past, what we had, the feelings i had for her, id not felt these feelings for a long long time, purely platonic or even less if you like, purely for my childs sake and the need to have both parents in her life (im soul custodian of the child) so i kind of made a stand to myself as she is in another relationship to have no more contact with her under any circumstance, a decision i could of reversed maybe had been single but she isnt and my morals tell me to back off. A case of follow my head and not my heart if you like. now her current relationship has been in flow for a few years but many a time she expressed her unhappiness and her possible intentions of leaving, the most recent about 5 months ago. and if im honest she doesnt seem entirely happy but i guess that aint my issue.

 

4 weeks ago, emergency call to say my child had collapsed at school! my child is mostly unaware of the happenings but knows my feelings. attending i find she on a machine for test but concious, arrving in hospital and having tests it seems to be heat exhaustion, during this her mum arrives, its obvious i have a major issue with her being near me but try hard to bite my tongue. during the tests she asks a few times whats wrong and says shes knows me to well. i shake my head and say nothing, she then puts her arm around me and then says shes worried about me!!! i walk off for a cigarette, find the tests finished and take my child home without saying another word.

 

ive not really spoke another word to her more than 4 weeks ago. im telling myself this is now the best way to go, as hard as it is after her rekindling old feelings that only way out of this is to now totally disconect.

 

 

the hard part i guess is ive loved before and ive loved after but the truth be known is that she is my true love, not my 1st love, not last love but my true love.

 

id really like peoples opinions as this is pretty much a bolt out the blue from years gone by but a past that will be remembered.

Am supposed to read into any of this?

Am i actually making the correct decision for all concerned?

 

on a personal level, im well, doing fine with work, have a wonderful teenage child, have holidays abroad, great social life playing at gigs

 

help or guidance appreciated

Been split from childs other parent for about a decade, always maintained contact because we have a child.

 

recent minor incident here...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289...53900ef00bda31

 

Im looking for people thats probably in my shoes or been in my shoes or maybe even fast approaching being in my shoes.

 

Still nc, the nc is no problem what so ever.

but still feel the recent confusion instilled with a little pain, not too major, but enough for me to stand up and half take notice!

 

Anyway, recent few days thinking has left me slightly positve in some ways. i guess what she did recently, and because it made me take a little notice, (and yes because i did that i caused myself my own minor heart ache again, which i know will go soon, and i know it will be very soon) made me also realise that many moons ago this was the time that i was dreading, but none the less it was also my goal.

Being able to break that final shackle that is probably holding us both back in life now that the child can cope with her life between us without the need for pleasantries.

 

In a sense i see why im a little sad as its a time that i thought was forthcoming a long time ago and now its here im also happy to think ive made it through the past with my head held high and confident and with respect from many.

 

Im still in contact with childs granny on other side and probably will keep contact i guess. we have contact/send cards for occasions etc. sometimes but not regular, me and child will have a day out with her and ill treat us all, simple but sweet. ive no qualms in keeping such simple contact, we hold a lot of respect for each other.

Would that be wrong on the terms of NC?

even if not, would that be considered a good idea to stay in contact with granparent? or do you think eventually even that friendship will just disappear due to my nc on the other parent?

the answer doesnt affect my nc but would be interesting to hear from others if its happened one way or the other with them?

 

Any other parents in similar?

 

im not looking for any loop holes or answers to life, but a mere incite.

Maybe ill get a better response in this section.

Thanks to anyone reading

Edited August 4, 2011 by Single Sid

[Single Sid]

So get a text sent to our child saying i was to drop our kid at a certain time/place then pick child up at certain time/place at an event other parent is attending.

see how hard it is to get away from this S&*t!!

 

i havnt arranged this event so why am i expected to drop everything to keep within the other parents timescales!! shes welcome to park outside and collect but that seems to much effort!! she could never be arsed with the travel arrangments over the years and expects me to continue to be a taxi!

 

had to tell child to msg back saying i was unavailable and out that evening and that maybe she should arrange all she needs to arrange this time and in the future herself more so, so that it doesnt affect either of us or our arrangments.

 

i know a lot of you will never even come close to the reality that has been mine, i imagine thats why ive had lack of replies.

 

as much as ive healed and got over the past, with so many reminders its been incredibly hard having a child within the darkness and having to put a brave face on it. the brave face is incredibly easy to put on now.

 

its not all like that as i have my fun time and life seems quite a doddle at times. but theres paths id rather have not walked, but the paths were already layed out for me, it was just a case of which side of the path do i walk?! either side felt wrong but still, that was the paths laid out. a long and lonely pathway to walk.

Never strayed from the path, continued it for the love of my child, the hardest road ill ever walk. not one i could ever walk again, so i think you see what this means for me on a moral level possibly.

 

A tough cookie to chew for a long period of time, ive endured more things than your average dumpee could ever imagine. Admittedly it was a choice i made if you like, to continue to be the father i set out to be, it was painful whilst massively rewarding. Now not so painful but still incredibly rewarding. Have to say it felt like around 6 years or so ago that id beat my affliction and never had a flicker since. so why 4 years even after feeling ive healed does it seem such a chore/hindurance with her recent actions? just life i guess and something part of the situation rahter than the past maybe.

 

thanks for letting me vent LS.

Edited August 6, 2011 by Single Sid