oneday Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 i posted for awhile in the dating column while we were together -but i couldn't take the yelling and cursing and name calling anymore - so i had him move out lsat friday. he called me saturday saying how sorry he was. then yesterday he came by to get some of his stuff and now today he just called and let a voice mail - he said.. what am i (referring to himself) going to do help me tell me what to do tell me how to feel good again, quick please tell me something i text messaged him saying i can't talk now i would call him later. what do you say to someone like that - i don't know. i know he or his life is not my responsibility but i can't help thinking i should say something that would help him. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 he called and left a voice mail - maybe he was just really down in the dumps at the moment and will feel a bit better later you're right - you are not responsible for his life and I doubt very much that you have the answers to any of those questions Is it more than likely that what will make him feel better is to get back with you? Because if that is the case then that is the answer he's looking for. Do you want to get back with this guy? What would I say to someone who left a message like that? Certainly it would depend on the dynamic of our relationship when we were together and how the split up went ( I haven't read your other posts ). It sounds like you want to be kind so tell him that you don't have the answers he's looking for, but you wish him the best. And if this type of thing bothers you then you should tell him that you don't want to hear from him when he's like this. Tell him to unload to friends or family about his feelings. You both have your own lives to lead now - lives apart. As you said, you are not responsible for his life and nor should you feel entirely responsible for his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oneday Posted April 28, 2004 Author Share Posted April 28, 2004 thank you blue chocolate i called him at lunch and he kept saying he wanted to have dinner together - then he said if i loved him enough i'd want to hug him to feel better - i told him i wasn't ready for any of that - and then he said well how just sex then - i said no way - that he was out of his mind. then he started rehashing stuff - then would say he didn't want to do that. he said he didn't call for us to get back together. i think he just called to try to make me feel bad that he is sleeping in his car. trust me he has places and the money to have a roof over his head right now. the whole conversation was just flip flop one minute to the next - nothing stayed the same for a minute. i told him he should get counseling and he said that must be my answer for everything - i said no just when one needs an opinion that doesn't take sides. thank you for your thoughts! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oneday Posted April 29, 2004 Author Share Posted April 29, 2004 ok - my feelings are changing. i am so confused. we talked last night. he said he doesnt want to loss me. when he gets upset or feels let down he gets back at people my calling them names - hence my case. it's not like he called me those names every day - did i make him move out too soon? did i give up too soon? was it really as bad as i think or do i blow things out of porportion. yes he did call me names and yell and was upset because i didn't cook for him like he had asked. he says if i had done that then he would have felt as special as he was making me feel by renovating my place. he did say he would go to counseling with me today. but he wanted to have sex first. I told him no. he said well either before or after counseling i want sex. i told him it depends on where we are heading in our relationship if we have it. so he called back and changed the meeting place after i changed it after saying no to sex. i don't think he wanted me to have my way of a meeting place. but the place he chose is closer to the counselor. i am beginning to think that i am really messed up in the head. i am so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 There's nothing wrong with your head. This guy is making me sick. He's a whiny, dependent adult who doesn't want to take care of himself. So when he moves into YOUR place and YOU'RE taking care of him, he belittles you to make himself feel like he's the big strong man and doesn't need you. Don't you see what he's doing? He's using you to take care of him and then resents you for it. He's still blaming YOU for his yelling and name calling. He's still saying that YOU didn't make him feel "special" so he gets mad and yells and calls you names. He also downplays the name calling by brushing it off as "oh, I was just mad". It obviously was bad enough that it was bringing you down - don't forget that. Long term it's going to destroy your self-esteem. Then he'll really feel like you're the one dependent on him when it's really the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 thank you for your thoughts! you're very welcome ------ This guy is bad news - bribing you for sex now? You may think there's is something wrong with you, but there is most definitely something wrong with him. Get rid of him & stop talking to him if he's messing your head up like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oneday Posted April 29, 2004 Author Share Posted April 29, 2004 just got back from counseling. i feel very strongly now that we are done. i met me at counseling and i asked him if he was there for us or for me (he had said before that he wanted to tell the counselor his thoughts on me and my problems) so he said he was there to help me (not us) so that is a clear sign to me of where we are. he is suppose to move out completely this sunday - i have to tell you the truth - i am looking forward to it. he did tell the counselor of the problems he has and why he said the things he did - which i think is good so the counselor has both sides. and when we were done - he waited for me outside and said ok - let's go have sex now. i said nice try but no way and got into my car! i am feeling better now and less confused. thanks all! i'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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