triphopper414 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 ...I hope you are doing well. It has been exactly 8 weeks (60 days) since I last talked to my ex. I do worry about him because he has been through some tough times recently, however, I am not ready to have an actual conversation yet. I don't think I will be for a while. I have decided that I would like to be friends with him at least try to be. I would like to keep the lines of communication open and most importantly friendly. I just want him to know that I still care about him and hope he is doing well. I know that he wanted me to contact him again. My text would say, "I am not ready to talk yet, but I hope you are doing well. Do not reply." This is the first time I have been tempted to break NC. Thoughts on this please?
TaintedHeart Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 ...I hope you are doing well. It has been exactly 8 weeks (60 days) since I last talked to my ex. I do worry about him because he has been through some tough times recently, however, I am not ready to have an actual conversation yet. I don't think I will be for a while. I have decided that I would like to be friends with him at least try to be. I would like to keep the lines of communication open and most importantly friendly. I just want him to know that I still care about him and hope he is doing well. I know that he wanted me to contact him again. My text would say, "I am not ready to talk yet, but I hope you are doing well. Do not reply." This is the first time I have been tempted to break NC. Thoughts on this please? You're are obviously a decent person. All I wanted was my ex to ask how I was doing as I was going through a rough time too including the break up but I'm actually glad she didn't, I'm not sure why. So no, don't text him, you don't want a conversation but he probably does and will text you back.
wilsonx Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 why would you want to break NC.... are you the dumpee? why are u choosing to be friends with him honestly? <<------- think about this I mean do some soul searching and answer this to yourself. I know the reason. There's absolutely no reason ever to break NC unless you have children together. You doing this shows you still have feelings for him.
Author triphopper414 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Wilsonx: It was mutual, I actually initiated and was going to suggest we go on a break. He had the same idea. No conditions were set regarding the break. But I am treating it as a break up. I requested that we not talk for a while, and he said that when I am ready to talk to text him. I still do have feelings for him. It was long distance so seeing him is not a problem and I don't have to worry about bumping into him unless he is down in my city for work (which he is at least once every 3 months), but I do miss talking to him. I am just confused I think.... =/ Also, I will talk to him in the future. I put myself on an emotional progress bar depicting where I am going to be in this amount of time so I can work on myself. I plan to talk to him about 2.5 months from now. Edited August 4, 2011 by triphopper414
DontWorryBHappy Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Uhh, I actually find that text to be pretty strange, if you are actually going to send that. I mean, in the past I've wrote a message telling someone to "please not respond" but that was after I said some stuff that clearly was meant to cease communication, not start up communication. Your message however, is confusing and weird. Because when you text someone saying to them "I hope you are doing well", that's the kind of message that you send someone when you actually want to hear how they are doing. But you're like, "I hope you're doing well. Oh, and don't respond." It's just weird. Because you told him not to respond, so he can't even tell you HOW he's doing. He could've just broke his arm and you told him to not respond to your message. That's almost cruel to be honest with you. Please don't send that..... Don't text someone something like "hope you're doing well" until you actually are ready to TALK to the person you would send that message to.
Author triphopper414 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) DontWorry....I don't think it is cruel, but I know where you are going with that. I am not very good at this, that is why I asking for everyone's advice. I do mean, it does cease communication, but I don't know what else to say. I just want him to know that I want to be friends, but I am not ready to talk yet. I don't want him to think I hate him. Part of me does, but part of me does want him in my life. Edited August 5, 2011 by triphopper414
Almond_Joy Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 It sounds like you just want him to know you're thinking of him. The thing is, even if the break was mutual, that doesn't mean he's going to be emotionally objective about the situation, especially since you initiated the breakup (even though he agreed). A seemingly harmless "thinking of you" message can evoke emotional responses that you may not even be aware he's experiencing/dealing with right now. Sending it right now, when you're not ready to revisit the actual relationship, will just stir up emotional hassle that neither of you need right now. You're doing your "me work" - let that remain your focus, and let him deal with the separation from you with as little contact from you as possible. I think if he didn't have any strong feelings about the break, and you two are just friends and he's cool with that, he would have contacted you with a similar message by now like the one you're thinking of sending. The fact that he hasn't is a sign that he doesn't want to communicate with you right now, I think.
Author triphopper414 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Almond Joy, I think you cleared things up for me. I am just a little confused about him not wanting to talk to me. My former SO and I ended things because he was recently divorced and he realized he was not ready for a relationship (even after pursuing me for a year, yeah that's right a year). He wanted to talk, but I said that we should not talk for a while and he told me to text him. He has always been very in tune with my needs and he knows that I was upset and hurting. He said that he would like to remain friends (maybe I am delusional here) and did not want to break communication. I do miss talking to him, but I feel like I need to talk to him because he was a good confidant and one of my best friends. I have made new friends since then who can fill his role as confidant, but I just miss seeing his name pop up in my call history or a text from him flash on my phone screen. I think I just miss him. But it has been 2 months now of no NC and I feel like I should be over him. I have found out pieces of information recently and I feel like I should talk to him about it because he would understand. Who knows! Aggggggh!
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