Attracted to OM's confidence

[knightmastr]

My wife claims she was attracted to her A partner because he was confident. Also because he cared. My question-which she has not answered is:

What is the character of a man who would purposefully chase a married woman…What are the personality traits of such a scumbag bottom feeding cowardly selfish and dishonest ****? … (where do you find confidence?)

 

· No respect for her, her children or husband (his own lack of respect/balls)

· Cannot find single women??? (where is confidence?)

· Why would any man want to share a woman? (where is confidence?)

· She says she talked down to him??? (where is confidence?)

· Why would a confident man want to be treated like that?

 

To fill a void. A person who is complete and comfortable with themselves, seeks someone to share that with. Someone in a marriage wouldn't be that person. To a person who lacks confidence who seeks reassurance that they are special and needed, sex is a quick fix. The feeling of being wanted and desired. Add to it that someone wants you so bad they are willing to wreck their marriage and you have a quick fix confidence boost.

· because it is in their nature to want what belongs to others. (where is confidence?)

I believe this shows very early in life, I have seen children who own innumberable toys, still they case a poor kid who has a humble toy and they do not relent unless they have it, this may later develope into chasing other people's wifes.

· Because they want ,what they want, when they want it and simply have no respect or consideration for anyone else except their own selfish needs. It is a game to see if the married woman can be conquered but then on the other side, there are actually married women who are available and jacks like these know it. They are called womanizers.

 

 

Maybe married women keep secrets very well...well some do…. And they get a lot of wam-bam thank you mam sex from them in the garage parking lot because they have to get home to their husband and kids.

• If they don't respect the bonds of another person's marriage, they don’t respect theirself as well. How can she have respect/perceive confidence for that kind of person?
  
• He is a liar, a thief, dishonorable and disgusting for going after another man’s wife and a cheat. And she trusted this?
  
• He obviously had no consideration for anyone but himself. I would like him to look the kids in the face and tell them he was just too horny to care about them. Maybe she should think about doing this….?
  

And as far as caring...he cared about having a no strings "this woman can't spend the night" sex. nothing more. I just don't think she knows what she is talking about and won't examine the real reason for her actions, her traumatic childhood, selfishness and lack of character.

Edited August 4, 2011 by knightmastr
grammer

[whichwayisup]

My wife claims she was attracted to her A partner because he was confident. Also because he cared. My question-which she has not answered is:

Keep this in context. An affair setting and of course he was confident, he was getting something out of it, as was she! He cares .. Based on what? True growing friendship? Genuine love? innocent love, that grows daily and is honest? I seriously doubt it. It wasn't tested out in the real world, it is ALL based on good selfish feelings in affairyland, stolen moments, lying, cheating, betrayal .. On the expense of you!

 

Sorry for your pain.

[spice4life]

My wife claims she was attracted to her A partner because he was confident. Also because he cared. My question-which she has not answered is:

What is the character of a man who would purposefully chase a married woman…What are the personality traits of such a scumbag bottom feeding cowardly selfish and dishonest ****? … (where do you find confidence?)

 

· No respect for her, her children or husband (his own lack of respect/balls)

· Cannot find single women??? (where is confidence?)

· Why would any man want to share a woman? (where is confidence?)

· She says she talked down to him??? (where is confidence?)

· Why would a confident man want to be treated like that?

 

To fill a void. A person who is complete and comfortable with themselves, seeks someone to share that with. Someone in a marriage wouldn't be that person. To a person who lacks confidence who seeks reassurance that they are special and needed, sex is a quick fix. The feeling of being wanted and desired. Add to it that someone wants you so bad they are willing to wreck their marriage and you have a quick fix confidence boost.

· because it is in their nature to want what belongs to others. (where is confidence?)

I believe this shows very early in life, I have seen children who own innumberable toys, still they case a poor kid who has a humble toy and they do not relent unless they have it, this may later develope into chasing other people's wifes.

· Because they want ,what they want, when they want it and simply have no respect or consideration for anyone else except their own selfish needs. It is a game to see if the married woman can be conquered but then on the other side, there are actually married women who are available and jacks like these know it. They are called womanizers.

 

 

Maybe married women keep secrets very well...well some do…. And they get a lot of wam-bam thank you mam sex from them in the garage parking lot because they have to get home to their husband and kids.

• If they don't respect the bonds of another person's marriage, they don’t respect theirself as well. How can she have respect/perceive confidence for that kind of person?
  
• He is a liar, a thief, dishonorable and disgusting for going after another man’s wife and a cheat. And she trusted this?
  
• He obviously had no consideration for anyone but himself. I would like him to look the kids in the face and tell them he was just too horny to care about them. Maybe she should think about doing this….?
  

And as far as caring...he cared about having a no strings "this woman can't spend the night" sex. nothing more. I just don't think she knows what she is talking about and won't examine the real reason for her actions, her traumatic childhood, selfishness and lack of character.

 

You finally started to ask the right questions at the very end. I understand you are hurt, but his motivations are not the issue here. Your wife stepped outside your marriage, why did SHE do that? Maybe she mislead him, you never know. Has she completely spilled the beans with you?

[carhill]

My datapoint from MW experience is that they sought intimacy they said they weren't having with their husbands. I never sought them out, rather they found me. I exited that period the same way I entered, as a virgin. Some were fµcking other men, some just had EA's, some thought they were 'friends'. Everyone is different. The first, and longest lasting, found me at a decidedly un-confident time, shortly after my father died. In retrospect, she capitalized on that vulnerability to assuage whatever pain she was feeling in her M. I learned a lot (negative things about her) the second time around many years later. Her husband certainly was not the ogre she made him out to be at the time.

 

My takeaway from the experiences, as well as current approaches from MW's, is that they are looking for something within themselves and see in me (and perhaps other potential OM's) a path to that which they desire. It really doesn't have anything to do with the OM or the BH. Anymore, I just suggest MC and disengage. They've got their path.

 

My sympathies.

[Emme]

I was reading this earlier today. It was interesting, if you can gain some insight from it. I will tell you though at the end of the day for me people who cheat either male of female its due to something their lacking. It's my opinion. Sometimes a man needs to feel like a man and another woman offers him that emotion that their spouses don't or can't. Sometimes a woman who needs to feel like a woman and a man comes along and offers that emotion that the spouses don’t or can't. No communication. Those who like to have sex with everything that is female/male... they are just horny. I don't know the reason for multiples. Oh well. Sorry that you have to endure this. :bunny:HUG:bunny:

 

 

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/03/sexual-infidelity-dependent-on-personality_n_913800.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec1_lnk3%7C83549

[knightmastr]

I have been asking her to be intimate (share her feelings) with me for 9 years. She says she doesn't need me to tell her: she is beautiful, smart, sexy, etc...She says she has no needs for me to fill. She wanted out upon my initial confrontation. Now she says she wants to be with me. She cannot tell me what has changed to make her feel this way after wanting to leave-I know why. She was ashamed and embarrased and wanted to run away-FROM HERSELF!

[Severely Unamused]

I have been asking her to be intimate (share her feelings) with me for 9 years. She says she doesn't need me to tell her: she is beautiful, smart, sexy, etc...She says she has no needs for me to fill. She wanted out upon my initial confrontation. Now she says she wants to be with me. She cannot tell me what has changed to make her feel this way after wanting to leave-I know why. She was ashamed and embarrased and wanted to run away-FROM HERSELF!

 

Sort of sounds like things didn't go as planned. Some messed up priorities on her end.

 

What do you think that you'll do? Although, I can probably take a good guess from your OP.

 

Edit: After reading your other posts, I can see that you are pretty much done with her. If she has a genuine PD, than you probably won't get any rational answers from her. Not for a while anyway. Why bother?

Edited September 8, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[spice4life]

Sometimes it just boils down to the fact that the two of you may not be a good match and probably haven't been from the beginning. You said you tried for nine years to get her to respond to you the way you wanted her to and it hasn't worked. That right there should tell you all you need to know. It wasn't a good fit from the very beginning. Ask yourself honestly, do you want to be with someone who you have to force to meet your wants and needs? Perhaps you need to just step back, detach and take a look at the situation from a more objective view point. As hard as that is to do since you're married to her, it is the best thing to do. Instead of accusing her of a personality disorder, just accept that the two of you probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. It happens, no need to feel like you failed. Accept it and move on.

Edited September 8, 2011 by spice4life

[FightClub]

Knightmastr,

 

I am a former OM, when I met exMW it was based upon just penpal/talking through an online video game and just developed over time, it was unique in that she seemed disconnected from her marriage/husband seemed disconnected from her based on what I was told and suspected.

 

Many times the BH was minimized, we would spend hours talking at night and and at various times during the day because of schedules, it just seemed to fit.

 

After awhile I thought the BH was almost nonexistent, because I never knew what was really going on in the home, was told he was verbally abusive and she just wasn't intimate with him anymore in their few years of marriage.

 

Fast forward a year later, I don't know what to believe or care at this point. I made mistakes and have owned my part in the affair, I truly did fall in love with this woman but at the expense of someone's happiness.

 

What I did wasn't right but I understand it's purpose more now then before and I will say, from what I've experienced and seen on LS, sometimes when a spouse is distant or isn't putting in more than what the other spouse needs/wants, they seek that validation elsewhere.

 

It's not your fault, not entirely because your W may have something she is missing, it's something she needs to figure out for herself, all you can do is be supportive and go through proper IC/MC to find what is wrong.

 

If things can't be reconciled together after you've both put the hard work in, perhaps it's time to start soul-searching and moving on.

 

I will say, not every OM is heartless and looking just for the physical, I was in a tough spot when I started communicated and I just felt at the time she was the right person in the wrong relationship, my views are somewhat different in the now, it was never mine to have in the first place, not while she was married.

 

Hope you find clarity in time.

 

-FC

Edited September 8, 2011 by FightClub

[Severely Unamused]

Interesting points from the above, and I agree with them.

 

A lil' question to satisfy my curiosity. Has your wife's therapist(s) actually diagnosed her with any PDs?

 

Obviously all we have to go on is your posts. But her background and current behaviour is almost clichéd.

 

Look after yourselves.