CallieCreeps Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hi Well.. My friend, dated him a year ago. I thought she had moved on, she even had a few relationships in the time they were seperated. He is in most of my classes, We spend quite a lot of time together. He is kind, intelligent and good looking. We really like each other, we have been on a few dates, we text often. And He wants us to go out again.. When I told my friend this, she said that I should not date him. & if I was her real friend I would not date her ex. & that there are millions of other guys out there. I know that if I date him She will cut me out. I'm not usually one to date someone's ex, But i really do like him. I've spoke to her already, & the problem is not her still liking him, its just that she does not want me to have "what was once hers" Is it wrong of me, wanting to date him? should I stop?
iJester Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) It's not wrong of you. If you genuinely like the guy then I don't think you shouldn't pass him up. It also depends how good of friends you are with the other girl. She has a very selfish reason for not wanting you to date him. Tell her if she was your real friend, she'd want you to be happy, no matter who it was with. Sounds like she's immature and you could do just fine without her anyway. Edited August 4, 2011 by iJester
Author CallieCreeps Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Lasted for about 4 to 5 months...
sm1tten Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Clearly, if you want to keep your friend then stop dating the guy. Doesn't really matter if it's wrong or not. Your friend drew the line. You can either choose to respect it or not.
carhill Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS Since you're in high school or college, this is a time of learning, both about relationships and boundaries. IMO, the best way to learn is by doing. Think about a past dating partner you've had, perhaps even a short-term boyfriend. Then imagine one of your girlfriends dating him, kissing him, making love with him. You have a style of relating that is uniquely yours. If such a dynamic does not distress you, you can see the differences between yourself and the girlfriend in question. Can you still be friends? Unknown. Are young sexual/intimate relationships transitory? Often they are. The downside risk is that your girlfriend will not continue the friendship and it's possible your relationship with her exBF/dating partner will not blossom or, if it does, won't last. A year from now it's possible neither of them will be in your life. Are you OK with that? Balance the benefits versus the risks and make a decision, then communicate it. That's part of being an adult or becoming one. Good luck. Sharing a personal anecdote, a male friend and his wife were friends with another couple for many years. As fate would have it, the male friend lost his wife after caring for her terminal illness for a number of years, nearly parallel to the wife of the other couple losing her husband. They recently got together and are sharing their twilight years together in apparent happiness. Is it 'OK'? They seem to think so. That's very different from your situation, but they were both married for 40+ years and long-time friends. Tongues could wag. I wish you well in making your decision.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 It would be different if they just had a few dates. Since they were in a relationship, yes it's very wrong. You can still chose to go ahead but your friend has the full right never to speak to you again.
O'Malley Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Only date him if you truly don't care that your friendship with her will come to an end or be be severely impacted. As Carhill mentioned, even if you end a relationship with him, your friendship with her may never be on course again. If it were a few platonic dates or a one time fling from years ago, I'd say she was overreacting, but that isn't the case here. Besides physical intimacy, this is a man that she shared private thoughts and feelings with; it's natural that she would not be comfortable with the possibility of you becoming privy to those interactions. She's understandably not going to feel comfortable socializing with you as a couple, or witnessing a dynamic that she previously experienced with him. You also might become uncomfortable -- especially if this guy decides to bring up their sex life, or feels free to badmouth her. He's her ex for a reason, and you only know a partial amount of what occurred between them.
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