mortensorchid Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I put a profile up on OKCupid not too long ago, just because. Results have been varied to say the least. I have reached a point where I am fairly sure as to what the behaviors are and who is/isn't serious. In my experience, if someone has not asked to meet you (or even offered a phone number), they will never ask for it. In the past, I have gone for weeks, sometimes months of chatting with someone online through the website and they NEVER ask to meet you. So, I determined that four is my limit. Assuming that someone does offer their phone number, I have talked to a grand total of two people on the phone in the many months since putting up the profile. The first person and I did meet, but there was no spark on my part. The next time, this guy and I did talk on the phone once, since the weekend was starting the next day I assumed he had plans. So I said I hoped we could chat on Monday, he said alright. On Monday, didn't hear anything from him, I sent a text on Tuesday. He said he had a few friends over that night and would call tomorrow. He didn't. Erased him from my phone the next day and moved on. I wonder sometimes what the point of this whole Internet dating thing is. So some do this just to get their egos stroked? Are they just looking for people to talk to? It's strange how few if any make real connections. Then again, I wonder if the same things would happen if there was no Internet and we had made some kind of face to face connection. Any thoughts? I guess my main question is, if the person wants to meet you why don't they just ASK TO MEET YOU?
Casablanca Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I put a profile up on OKCupid not too long ago, just because. Results have been varied to say the least. I have reached a point where I am fairly sure as to what the behaviors are and who is/isn't serious. In my experience, if someone has not asked to meet you (or even offered a phone number), they will never ask for it. In the past, I have gone for weeks, sometimes months of chatting with someone online through the website and they NEVER ask to meet you. So, I determined that four is my limit. typically on my third message is when I ask for the number; if I want a pen pal or an internet buddy, I can find that easily; there are sites for that...I don't see the point of that...the point of internet dating is to meet people you probably wouldnt have met otherwise and then use that to DATE in real life...people are strange Assuming that someone does offer their phone number, I have talked to a grand total of two people on the phone in the many months since putting up the profile. The first person and I did meet, but there was no spark on my part. The next time, this guy and I did talk on the phone once, since the weekend was starting the next day I assumed he had plans. So I said I hoped we could chat on Monday, he said alright. On Monday, didn't hear anything from him, I sent a text on Tuesday. He said he had a few friends over that night and would call tomorrow. He didn't. Erased him from my phone the next day and moved on. It is a mixed bag...I met my last gf online...ive talked to a couple where after a phone conversation or so, can't get confirmation of the date. I've had date go great and talk for hours and never responds...ive had dates that they didnt seem interested and THEY contacted me...ive had most of these happen with people I have met not just online, but people Ive met through other means...its a crap shoot and you never know what you're gonna get with some people I wonder sometimes what the point of this whole Internet dating thing is. So some do this just to get their egos stroked? Are they just looking for people to talk to? It's strange how few if any make real connections. Then again, I wonder if the same things would happen if there was no Internet and we had made some kind of face to face connection. Any thoughts? I guess my main question is, if the person wants to meet you why don't they just ASK TO MEET YOU?[ Some people do do it for egos...some people arent looking for anything...I reopened my online accounts yesterday, I sent out 6 messages, 3 responses so far and sent out 2 more plus responses to those 3...I think you need to determine what the person is looking for whether they contact you or you contact them...I start my searchs strict and then broaden out....I like online dating, Ive had similar experiences from meeting people online and meeting people offline....I just find it another avenue to use to try and find that right person.
FitChick Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I put a profile up on OKCupid not too long ago, I guess my main question is, if the person wants to meet you why don't they just ASK TO MEET YOU? Using a free site was your first mistake. Anyone who has paid a nice sum wants to get something for their money. They don't ask to meet you because they don't want to meet you. I'm sure there are as many reasons as there are people.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Do you ever ask them? Yes I have. Some things have happened when I ask them for their number. They either never 1) Never respond, 2) Say "Ok, I've got it" and that's that, 3) Say "I've got it, will call you soon" and never do. Or 4) We have a conversation on the phone and never hear from them again. I guess it's just a crap shoot like the others have said. But, I am considering removing my profile from this site. I have had some bad experiences with free online dating sites, because some are people just looking for sex and others are even looking for suckers to pull scams on (it's happened - send a check to an Egyptian prince).
sagetalk Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Yes I have. Some things have happened when I ask them for their number. They either never 1) Never respond, 2) Say "Ok, I've got it" and that's that, 3) Say "I've got it, will call you soon" and never do. Very strange behavior unless these guys are the top 10% of guys. I have only ever had 1 attractive girl give me her phone number without me asking for it. Rare to say the least, and I think I'm fairly decent looking.
refurb Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Very strange behavior unless these guys are the top 10% of guys. I have only ever had 1 attractive girl give me her phone number without me asking for it. Rare to say the least, and I think I'm fairly decent looking. As a guy, I hate talking on the phone, I'd much rather meet in person. Once I get to know someone and have something to talk about, phone calls are fine. My rules for online dating (they've worked pretty well so far): 1. I message EVERY woman who piques my interest. That's about 1/3 of the women I'm matched with (talking eHarm here). I do my best to not judge based on minor things. 2. Go back and forth until we get to email (lots drop out along the way). 3. Once we've had at least 2 or 3 email exchanges (I send, she replies), I setup up a time to meet. 4. First date is a drink at a local bar, I pay. Honestly, I think people get WAY to worked up about online dating. To me, it's a way to meet people. All of it means NOTHING until we meet in person. If you don't reply to my email, no biggie. You have to remember, people have LOTS of options with online dating. Don't take it personally if they blow you off, it's the internet! RF
sagetalk Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Honestly, I think people get WAY to worked up about online dating. To me, it's a way to meet people. All of it means NOTHING until we meet in person. If you don't reply to my email, no biggie. You have to remember, people have LOTS of options with online dating. Don't take it personally if they blow you off, it's the internet! Great attitude to have, I feel the same way. What do you think of E-Harmony? I've never used it. Can you see their picture right away or do you have to send them messages first?
FitChick Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 What do you think of E-Harmony? I've never used it. Can you see their picture right away or do you have to send them messages first? I've only heard bad things about it unless you happen to be very unattractive.
verhrzn Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Using a free site was your first mistake. Anyone who has paid a nice sum wants to get something for their money. I disagree; I've tried EHarmony, OKCupid, and am playing around with the idea of subscribing to Match.com. While my success has been abysmal on all three sites, OKCupid gave me the best supply of guys I'd be interested in, dorky/nerdy guys... EHarmony seemed tilted heavily towards ultra-Christian/conservative guys who just want an innocent, doe-eyed wife, and of the profiles I've seen on Match.com, most of them seem to be frat-boy, party types. In other words, I don't think it's pay/non-pay, I think it's finding the site that seems to attract the "type" of person you're interested in.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 MC I think many people online dating just pile up backups while they go out with people they really want to see. Anyone who doesnt ask to meetup is either waiting for you to suggest it, or isnt interested enough. Same thing with the phone calls. Could be a timing thing. You could have had a date with a guy who went with you because the woman he really wanted flaked on him. Besides the guys that just want sex (and image themselves as otherwise) there are guys who are married on there and are just feeling out dating. You never know who youre talking to. At the risk of generalizing, many women go online just after a breakup just to feel wanted for the self esteem boost. I think most people are looking for love, they just arent getting what they want, and in the process, other people are put on the backburner. Thats why I gave up on those sites long ago, it sucks. Much easier to chat women up in person. I can tell in 5 minutes if shes interested. Much better than waiting a couple weeks to find out she isnt really interested.
refurb Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Great attitude to have, I feel the same way. What do you think of E-Harmony? I've never used it. Can you see their picture right away or do you have to send them messages first? I thought it worked out pretty well. I was on for 3 months, went on maybe 20 dates with 8 different women (3 women were 3-5 dates each). I was pretty impressed with the quality, none of the dates were bad. Met a couple GREAT girls, but ended up moving far away so none of them panned out. You can see pictures right away on eHarm if the person allows it, most do. If you decide to give it a try, DON'T pay the full price. Do a search for promotional codes. I paid $9.95/month for 3 months. Or just sign up for an account and don't subscribe. They'll send you offers within a few weeks. Also, once your subscription runs out, cancel it. They'll offer you free months or a few months for really cheap. I think it's worth $10-15/month, but not $40-60/month. RF
Zaphod B Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) I've had a lot of success with Internet dating and never had a bad experience. It seems that women always expect the men to make the first suggestion to meet, which I can't quite understand. But you're saying you will suggest the meeting sometimes, but still you're not having any luck. That's too bad. I've always been one for messaging about 1 -2 weeks with about 2-3 messages a night (sooner if we message a lot in one day) before I've asked a woman out and have had about an 80% success rate with getting an inital first date, with the women I've been messaging backwards and forwards. IN fact I've come across women who reckon that 2-3 messages is way too early for them to agree to go out with a guy, so I wonder what the success rate is for some of the guys here who say they ask after 2-3 messages. Can't see how a woman can make any good judgement over whether you are trustworthy if you ask that soon. I've taken my profile off the dating sites and have been off for most of this year so far, mainly because I found that the majority of the women I was meeting were either game players, didn't know what they wanted, or were after bad boys, even though they claimed not to be. I'm from New Zealand, dating NZ women, so maybe the dynamics are a little different here. Edited August 5, 2011 by Zaphod B
Zaphod B Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 2. Go back and forth until we get to email (lots drop out along the way). 3. Once we've had at least 2 or 3 email exchanges (I send, she replies), I setup up a time to meet. Do you not class the "back and forth" as emails? For me I rarely moved to Email and just continued the back and forth (PMs), on the website, for 1-2 weeks. Out of the ones that continued with the back and forth PMing (didn't drop out), I got first dates with almost every one. I can think of only 2 that made excuses not to meet.
refurb Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Do you not class the "back and forth" as emails? For me I rarely moved to Email and just continued the back and forth (PMs), on the website, for 1-2 weeks. Out of the ones that continued with the back and forth PMing (didn't drop out), I got first dates with almost every one. I can think of only 2 that made excuses not to meet. eHarmony has that three step thing going on where you answer multiple choice questions, they do the same. Then written questions, then finally you get to the email part (not real email, but messaging on the eHarmony site). I've had the same experience as you. Once you get to the messaging part, pretty much everyone of them agreed to go on a date. My messages tend to be more than just "How's it going?", so after 2 or 3, we have a pretty good idea what each other is like. RF
Zaphod B Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Seems like you and I have a similar game plan. I just tend to go longer with the emailing. Might have to experiment with shortening my back and forwards messaging a bit and see if my success rate remains the same.
refurb Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Seems like you and I have a similar game plan. I just tend to go longer with the emailing. Might have to experiment with shortening my back and forwards messaging a bit and see if my success rate remains the same. Ehh.... what I usually do is once the emailing back and forth starts to become routine, I jump to the next step. I'm trying to remember how long it would take before we'd setup a date, I would guess 2-3 weeks? Mind you, I wasn't emailing the girls as often as you were. We usually exchanged emails every 2 or 3 days? So if we go back and forth 3 times, it usually took at least two weeks, if not three. I just sort of play it by ear. If the emails go well and we develop some rapport, then I suggest we setup a time to meet. One girl (who actually initiated contact) asked to setup a date in the FIRST email she sent. I wouldn't normally do that, but I'm not opposed to it either. The first date is usually just a drink or two over an a couple hours. Even if we decide not to see each other again, it's a nice excuse to take a relax a little and meet someone new. The best way to have fun with dating is to have the right expectations. If things go well, don't read too much into it, just go with the flow. RF
Zaphod B Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Ehh.... what I usually do is once the emailing back and forth starts to become routine, I jump to the next step. I'm trying to remember how long it would take before we'd setup a date, I would guess 2-3 weeks? Mind you, I wasn't emailing the girls as often as you were. We usually exchanged emails every 2 or 3 days? So if we go back and forth 3 times, it usually took at least two weeks, if not three. I just sort of play it by ear. If the emails go well and we develop some rapport, then I suggest we setup a time to meet. One girl (who actually initiated contact) asked to setup a date in the FIRST email she sent. I wouldn't normally do that, but I'm not opposed to it either. The first date is usually just a drink or two over an a couple hours. Even if we decide not to see each other again, it's a nice excuse to take a relax a little and meet someone new. The best way to have fun with dating is to have the right expectations. If things go well, don't read too much into it, just go with the flow. RF That's pretty much the way I do it. 1-2 weeks of emails backwards and forwards and then I ask for a date. If things are going really well I'll ask early. And if I find things are dragging or I get one of those one-line reply type women, I'll ask earlier too, because otherwise it's just not worth the effort.
dispatch3d Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I put a profile up on OKCupid not too long ago, just because. Results have been varied to say the least. I have reached a point where I am fairly sure as to what the behaviors are and who is/isn't serious. In my experience, if someone has not asked to meet you (or even offered a phone number), they will never ask for it. In the past, I have gone for weeks, sometimes months of chatting with someone online through the website and they NEVER ask to meet you. So, I determined that four is my limit. Assuming that someone does offer their phone number, I have talked to a grand total of two people on the phone in the many months since putting up the profile. The first person and I did meet, but there was no spark on my part. The next time, this guy and I did talk on the phone once, since the weekend was starting the next day I assumed he had plans. So I said I hoped we could chat on Monday, he said alright. On Monday, didn't hear anything from him, I sent a text on Tuesday. He said he had a few friends over that night and would call tomorrow. He didn't. Erased him from my phone the next day and moved on. I wonder sometimes what the point of this whole Internet dating thing is. So some do this just to get their egos stroked? Are they just looking for people to talk to? It's strange how few if any make real connections. Then again, I wonder if the same things would happen if there was no Internet and we had made some kind of face to face connection. Any thoughts? I guess my main question is, if the person wants to meet you why don't they just ASK TO MEET YOU? Definitely a self-esteem thing. They figure if they ask you, you probably wouldn't show up. To be fair, a lot of girls flake out, don't bother answering text messages, etc.
sagetalk Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 If you decide to give it a try, DON'T pay the full price. Do a search for promotional codes. I paid $9.95/month for 3 months. Or just sign up for an account and don't subscribe. They'll send you offers within a few weeks. Also, once your subscription runs out, cancel it. They'll offer you free months or a few months for really cheap. I think it's worth $10-15/month, but not $40-60/month. Great info thanks. I'm a Christian so I think my chances may be better there than anywhere. I've had fairly good success on other sites. The biggest problem for me has been the distance. I live about 40 minutes away from the big cities around me (2 hours to the biggest) and I think a lot of city girls (the vast majority of girls on the sites) don't like that, and it can wear you down driving that far all the time. If I find the right one I'll do it gladly though.
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Great info thanks. I'm a Christian so I think my chances may be better there than anywhere. I've had fairly good success on other sites. The biggest problem for me has been the distance. I live about 40 minutes away from the big cities around me (2 hours to the biggest) and I think a lot of city girls (the vast majority of girls on the sites) don't like that, and it can wear you down driving that far all the time. If I find the right one I'll do it gladly though. Of course. No one likes to drive to to much for a person they barely know... So good luck with that in a new RS...
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