Miss_G Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I've recently started speaking to a new guy who I really fancy. We met through mutual friends and didn't speak all too much as I knew he was in a relationship. He mentioned a number of weeks ago to a mutual friend that his relationship was over but he had to continue with it as he and his girlfriend had booked/paid to go abroad for a family wedding. He also told my friend that he had taken a bit of a liking to me. I had also said, a few days before strangely to the same friend, that I quite fancied him but he had a girlfriend. I was out for a drink with a friend a couple of weeks ago and bumped into this bloke. We chatted, got on well and ended up swapping email addresses. We messaged each other a few days later, just chatting friendly. Things went further than friendly and ended up being a bit flirty. I held back because I knew he was with somebody else but I tend to fall quickly for people but I do not fancy people easily! We went for a friendly drink and a chat together and I began to really like him. We had a drunken snog a few weeks back but like I say, we were drunk! We decided that we should not go out whilst he was still in a relationship and so have been ringing/messaging one-another. He has told our mutually friend that once he returns from abroad he will separate from him partner as he had decided before we really met that they were over. I'm getting really down as I am concerned they will go abroad (on Sunday for 3 weeks) and he will revive his relationship with her and not leave. He has promised that he will not forget/stop speaking to me but he will not be able to contact me when hes away. I don't know what to do. I really fancy him. Please do not be judgemental. I have been cheated on in the past and it was an horrendous experience. I would not wish to do that to anybody but I cannot help the way I feel and do not want to pass up my happiness if he is genuine in the end of his relationship!!
cupshalfempty Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Do not take things a step further until he is "free", for your own sake. Hing you want is to wind up with empty promises of "I'm leaving, just waiting for the right time." Honestly, imo...there is NO need for him to take this trip if he actually intended to leave. He would cut is $$ loss and not care. But he's going, and going to play happy hub because he WANTS too. He is not going to contact you because he will be focused on the fun he is having, and your only the possible fun on the side, for @ home when he's bored. I will admit I'm totally on a mad woman crusade right now (my mm is on vac, he hasn't contacted me, yet claims he's leaving her) I've spent a year and a half with this emotional rollercoaster, always doubting myself, my worth, my sanity and a whole load of other crap I just don't feel like typing. I'd back off on the flirting, hell back off on it all..if he's gonna leave tell him to man up and contact you when he can devote the time your WORTH to YOU and you only.
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 You're asking for your heart to be broken when you KNOW he isn't done with his relationship. You get what you ask for! My suggestion is, tell him to call you when he's done with his relationship and had some time alone before jumping into something with you. If you don't slow this down, you're going to stay the OW in his life, be second fiddle and he'll bounce back and forth between you and his gf for as long as you let him.
ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I was in the same situation almost, only my MM left for a week and a half. He went to Miami and I was concerned about them reviving their relationship and us not talking. I talked to him 3 times when he was gone, which really hurt. He admitted to doing "things" with her one night, which I think was more. It is bound to happen. But if he really feels for you, he will think about you when he is gone and he will come back to you, missing you more thn he thought. That was my experience. He might not talk to you because of her, but when he comes back, don't be mad, you knew he was going on this trip, so at least he is not lying to you about the trip and who he is going with. :/
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I've recently started speaking to a new guy who I really fancy. We met through mutual friends and didn't speak all too much as I knew he was in a relationship. He mentioned a number of weeks ago to a mutual friend that his relationship was over but he had to continue with it as he and his girlfriend had booked/paid to go abroad for a family wedding. He also told my friend that he had taken a bit of a liking to me. I had also said, a few days before strangely to the same friend, that I quite fancied him but he had a girlfriend. I was out for a drink with a friend a couple of weeks ago and bumped into this bloke. We chatted, got on well and ended up swapping email addresses. We messaged each other a few days later, just chatting friendly. Things went further than friendly and ended up being a bit flirty. I held back because I knew he was with somebody else but I tend to fall quickly for people but I do not fancy people easily! We went for a friendly drink and a chat together and I began to really like him. We had a drunken snog a few weeks back but like I say, we were drunk! We decided that we should not go out whilst he was still in a relationship and so have been ringing/messaging one-another. He has told our mutually friend that once he returns from abroad he will separate from him partner as he had decided before we really met that they were over. I'm getting really down as I am concerned they will go abroad (on Sunday for 3 weeks) and he will revive his relationship with her and not leave. He has promised that he will not forget/stop speaking to me but he will not be able to contact me when hes away. I don't know what to do. I really fancy him. Please do not be judgemental. I have been cheated on in the past and it was an horrendous experience. I would not wish to do that to anybody but I cannot help the way I feel and do not want to pass up my happiness if he is genuine in the end of his relationship!! You want to see if he truly loves you and wants to be with you? Tell him goodbye and to contact you once the divorce is final and he's had time and space alone to grieve the loss of his marriage and the life he once knew. Then you two can date. Until then, this is just an affair. People who are 'about to divorce' do not go on holidays together and have sex with one another.
Author Miss_G Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Thanks for the replies, most appreciated! I'd just like to stress that this guy is NOT married or has any children or even lives with his GF. In fact, they are currently in a LDR for the next 2 years whilst she works away. They barely speak when apart and have been rocky for a while. As for the trip, it is a family wedding abroad so not something he could escape from easily. He contemplated finishing things before they leave but his family went beserk that the whole trip could be ruined if he was to attempt to pull out. This is information from a friend, not from him so I believe this to be true. Shockingly I have been in this situation before. I was seeing somebody for a long time. We split and he began seeing some casually. We contacted each other again and he admitted to still loving me and we decided to make things work and he promised to leave her...that was 4 years ago and they are now married!!! I swear I will never put myself through that again. Currently this new bloke knows that I feel this way and I am not prepared to wait. He insists that it is just the trip that has stopped him and I am prepared to give him that chance. If he doesn't leave her when he returns then I will walk. He knows this. We haven't slept together nor would I do this until he was solely mine.
fooled once Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 You're asking for your heart to be broken when you KNOW he isn't done with his relationship. You get what you ask for! My suggestion is, tell him to call you when he's done with his relationship and had some time alone before jumping into something with you. If you don't slow this down, you're going to stay the OW in his life, be second fiddle and he'll bounce back and forth between you and his gf for as long as you let him. Ditto Thanks for the replies, most appreciated! I'd just like to stress that this guy is NOT married or has any children or even lives with his GF. In fact, they are currently in a LDR for the next 2 years whilst she works away. They barely speak when apart and have been rocky for a while. **And you know this because he told you? This guy who is flirting with you and having a drunken snog (which I am thinking is a one night stand) with you and yet still is going away for 3 weeks with his girlfriend. Seriously? You believe this stuff? If he wanted out of the trip, he easily could have gotten out of it! As for the trip, it is a family wedding abroad so not something he could escape from easily. He contemplated finishing things before they leave but his family went beserk that the whole trip could be ruined if he was to attempt to pull out. This is information from a friend, not from him so I believe this to be true. **haha You believe this stuff? How would this "friend" know what the cheater's family would or wouldn't do? I think the family would be more pissed that he is stringing along someone and putting her into family situations when he plans to dump her. Shockingly I have been in this situation before. I was seeing somebody for a long time. We split and he began seeing some casually. We contacted each other again and he admitted to still loving me and we decided to make things work and he promised to leave her...that was 4 years ago and they are now married!!! I swear I will never put myself through that again. **And you are currently on the exact same path. Currently this new bloke knows that I feel this way and I am not prepared to wait. He insists that it is just the trip that has stopped him and I am prepared to give him that chance. If he doesn't leave her when he returns then I will walk. He knows this. We haven't slept together nor would I do this until he was solely mine. Yeah, its just the trip that is stopping him. So what is so intriguing about a guy who can't end a relationship with someone he is allegedly unhappy with PRIOR to going away with her for 3 weeks? Do you really think they won't be sleeping together or kissing or hugging? At a wedding????
MissBee Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) I've recently started speaking to a new guy who I really fancy. We met through mutual friends and didn't speak all too much as I knew he was in a relationship. He mentioned a number of weeks ago to a mutual friend that his relationship was over but he had to continue with it as he and his girlfriend had booked/paid to go abroad for a family wedding. He also told my friend that he had taken a bit of a liking to me. I had also said, a few days before strangely to the same friend, that I quite fancied him but he had a girlfriend. I was out for a drink with a friend a couple of weeks ago and bumped into this bloke. We chatted, got on well and ended up swapping email addresses. We messaged each other a few days later, just chatting friendly. Things went further than friendly and ended up being a bit flirty. I held back because I knew he was with somebody else but I tend to fall quickly for people but I do not fancy people easily! We went for a friendly drink and a chat together and I began to really like him. We had a drunken snog a few weeks back but like I say, we were drunk! We decided that we should not go out whilst he was still in a relationship and so have been ringing/messaging one-another. He has told our mutually friend that once he returns from abroad he will separate from him partner as he had decided before we really met that they were over. I'm getting really down as I am concerned they will go abroad (on Sunday for 3 weeks) and he will revive his relationship with her and not leave. He has promised that he will not forget/stop speaking to me but he will not be able to contact me when hes away. I don't know what to do. I really fancy him. Please do not be judgemental. I have been cheated on in the past and it was an horrendous experience. I would not wish to do that to anybody but I cannot help the way I feel and do not want to pass up my happiness if he is genuine in the end of his relationship!! You shouldn't need to remind someone to remember about you.... You shouldn't worry about whether or not someone will go on vacation and choose their gf over you. My belief and experience is that who and what is meant for you is meant for you...and if you have to fret over it and be hyper vigilant then maybe it's your more intuitive self telling you something. I don't know if it will work out. It is very possible that he will separate from his gf and pursue you, but the truth is, you don't need to worry about it. Take the path of least resistance and allow things to happen as they should. Enjoy yourself and your life and leave him to his and see what happens when he comes back. You shouldn't be on pins and needles like you're waiting on test results or for a call back after an interview/audition! NO MAN is your last chance, no matter how much you fancy him! You want someone who chooses you fully as much as you choose them. When you think that way you have less unnecessary stress, you're less apt to chase a man or to get into a precarious situation with him due to the belief that "good men" are scarce so you have to grab any seemingly "good one" you find and hold on for dear life, regardless of the cost, and overall you don't fight against the tide to make someone fit into your life or you theirs. Relax....let him do him. If he comes back and does right by you and is consistent and reliable in his actions then yaaaay--- you have a decent guy! You worrying won't change what HE chooses to do and you shouldn't feel like you need to. Just as much as you are thinking of him, he should be thinking of you and wanting to do what he said he would. If he gets back and starts acting shady or magically has some excuse now about not being able to separate....please don't wait around trying to convince him to be with you or entangle yourself in his life being his OW while you wait or pander to him. Tell him bye and keep it moving as he isn't choosing you fully, for w/e reason, and someone else will. Edited August 5, 2011 by MissBee
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