Right person or the right time?

[Cee]

I'm reflecting on my relationship history and realize that timing played the main factor in the big choice points. In college, I dated a wonderful guy, but we broke up at graduation because we had more growing up to do. And I ended up marrying the wrong guy because I was 32 and thought it was due time to settle down.

 

So for me, timing has been the main driver in my decisions, for good and for bad. I guess I don't have a burning question in this post, but asking others about how timing affects their choices in dating and choosing who to settle down with and when.

[Mrlonelyone]

Timing has never effected my relationship decisions. It's always been the wrong time or inconvenient in some way. If I liked someone I would try to see where it would lead.

 

Peoples circumstances change, so timing shouldn't matter:

 

If the timing is bad because Mr X who's perfect but does not have a job and the economy is bad; Mr X should still get a chance. Jobs come and jobs go.

 

If the timing is bad because Ms Y who's great but on the rebound; Take a chance on Ms Y. Rebounds can and do work out as much as any other relationships.

 

etc.

 

Consider how bad this timing was for a romance, meeting in a concentration camp in Nazi held Poland.

 

After her escape during the revolt of 14 October 1943, she fled with the Polish Jew Chaim Engel (Brudzew, 10 January 1916 - 4 July 2003), whom she fell in love with in Sobibor. The couple fled through a minefield and a forest and hid for nine months in the attic of a farm until the liberation of Poland in July 1944 by the Red army. Meanwhile the couple was married and she became pregnant. During their stay in the attic they became infected by scabies.

 

Don't let timing stop you or make you do what you don't want to do. Timing is nothing but an excuse for fear of being hurt, or bowing to peer pressure.

[zengirl]

Of course, timing impacts things. Your cells actually slowly change, and by the time seven years have passed, there is rarely a cell in your body that is the exact same. Or at least so someone told me (a sciency person, so it's probably true) the other day, and even if it's not scientifically true, it's certainly psychologically true. I haven't had time to look it up.

 

It's the whole "You aren't the same man, it isn't the same river" thing.

 

But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. It is part of your personal narrative, sure, but you can't get too caught up in the details and minor Whys, except where you can learn from them, and timing isn't something we can learn. You can't learn "to have better timing" because timing is one of the variables outside of your control.

[Cee]

I can add that I define timing as being at the right maturity level and being stable. I met a great guy at 19, but I was in school and didn't even know who I was. And when I got married at 32, I hadn't yet developed a stable sense of self so I picked a horrible person.

 

Now I feel like the timing is perfect. I'm settled, have a good career and self-sufficient, and really like myself. At 41, I am finally ready and the timing is right. I know it took me much longer than the average person, but I resisted change for a lot of years.

 

I am in a relationship and I have this temptation to rush things because I'm ready, but I shouldn't. We still need more time to see if we are right for each other. And who knows, maybe the timing won't be right for him. Que sera, sera.

[iris219]

I’ve been settled with a stable sense of self for years and haven’t found anyone, so I think it’s right person. The time can be perfect, but if the people aren’t, then that just equals a lot of frustration. The time has been right in my life for several years, but the right person hasn’t come into it—no one even close to right. They’ve been so wrong I haven’t gone on a third date in years, and rarely a second.

 

Currently, because I have so few options, my dating decisions are affected (in that I’ll give people I normally wouldn’t a chance). But my relationship decisions aren’t influenced by my lack of options. There’s no way I could settle for someone I don’t really like.

 

I met better people when the time was wrong, but that was in my 20's before everyone my age got married (so there was a larger dating pool).

 

I tend to believe if you meet the right person, there is no such thing as wrong time. If you meet someone at 19 who seems great, but you outgrow each other, they weren't the right person.