imtheone123 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) I have been with my wife for 9 years married for one. She has borderline personality disorder Compared to most BPD women she has always been very conservative in our bedroom. She does not go out partying or anything and she does not ever disappear on me I always thought I could trust her she tells me everything But recently I caught her in some lies about money which is making me question stuff in our past. I was thinking about something that happened 6 years ago. We moved to a new state and she was complaining she needed friends. One Friday night she said she was going to a small get together with the people who work at the chiropractic office she goes to. Her parents also go to the same chiropractic office and I remember her also telling them where she was going so it ain't like she was lying. I went to sleep that night and she came home at two am. I felt her get on top of me and when I opened my eyes she was like "**ck me" in a tone of voice ive never heard. We then had the most intense sex we have ever had. Out of the 9 years we have never had sex like this ever. The other thing I remember from that night is she was so wet I have never seen it that wet. Does any one think she was messing around with some dude and felt guilty about it ? she is very impulsive Edited August 4, 2011 by imtheone123
Pierre Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I have been with my wife for 9 years married for one. She has borderline personality disorder Compared to most BPD women she has always been very conservative in our bedroom. She does not go out partying or anything and she does not ever disappear on me I always thought I could trust her she tells me everything But recently I caught her in some lies about money which is making me question stuff in our past. I was thinking about something that happened 6 years ago. We moved to a new state and she was complaining she needed friends. One Friday night she said she was going to a small get together with the people who work at the chiropractic office she goes to. Her parents also go to the same chiropractic office and I remember her also telling them where she was going so it ain't like she was lying. I went to sleep that night and she came home at two am. I felt her get on top of me and when I opened my eyes she was like "**ck me" in a tone of voice ive never heard. We then had the most intense sex we have ever had. Out of the 9 years we have never had sex like this ever. The other thing I remember from that night is she was so wet I have never seen it that wet. Does any one think she was messing around with some dude and felt guilty about it ? she is very impulsive My ex wife had a long distance Internet affair and had cybersex. Sometimes she would come to bed after a session of cybersex and was all over me in a very aggressive erotic manner. I wonder if her Internet OM ever knew he was making my wife horny and i reaped the benefits. :laugh:
Downtown Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I always thought I could trust her she tells me everything.ImTheOne, if your W has strong BPD traits as you say, she likely is incapable of trusting you for any extended period. If so, this means you can never really trust her because she is capable of turning on you any time she splits you black. My BPDer exW did that to me one day by calling the police and having me arrested on a bogus charge. This occurred after I had known her for about 40 years and had been living with her for 15 years. Until that arrest occurred, it was totally unimaginable to me that she could betray me and turn on me in that way. As you must know by now, one hallmark of BPD traits is the black-white thinking, wherein the BPDer can flip in ten seconds from adoring you to hating you. Because your W cannot trust her own feelings, she cannot consistently trust you. That means you cannot fully trust her. You may find it helpful to read about Rebel's experience with his W. If so, I suggest you start with my post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3398735#post3398735. Take care, ImTheOne.
AlexDP Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I have been with my wife for 9 years married for one. She has borderline personality disorder Compared to most BPD women she has always been very conservative in our bedroom. She does not go out partying or anything and she does not ever disappear on me I always thought I could trust her she tells me everything But recently I caught her in some lies about money which is making me question stuff in our past. I was thinking about something that happened 6 years ago. We moved to a new state and she was complaining she needed friends. One Friday night she said she was going to a small get together with the people who work at the chiropractic office she goes to. Her parents also go to the same chiropractic office and I remember her also telling them where she was going so it ain't like she was lying. I went to sleep that night and she came home at two am. I felt her get on top of me and when I opened my eyes she was like "**ck me" in a tone of voice ive never heard. We then had the most intense sex we have ever had. Out of the 9 years we have never had sex like this ever. The other thing I remember from that night is she was so wet I have never seen it that wet. Does any one think she was messing around with some dude and felt guilty about it ? she is very impulsive Yes. I am sorry, man, but it pretty much comes with the disorder. Besides, as you are no doubt familiar with BPD, you know it's not even what hurts the most. She's your wife, but if she's borderline, I'd still advise you to leave her.
ascendotum Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Yes. I am sorry, man, but it pretty much comes with the disorder. Besides, as you are no doubt familiar with BPD, you know it's not even what hurts the most. She's your wife, but if she's borderline, I'd still advise you to leave her. This is a bit extreme. Chuck in a 9 yr marriage because of a couple of lies about $ and a uncharacteristic night of passion from her 6 yrs ago! If BPD is a dealbreaker then it should be played that way early on in the relaionship, unless her behaviour becomes increasingly unstable over time. Its a bit of a shame that your sex life is so conventional that a specific night of proactive sex on her behalf years ago stands out in your memory. Anyway besides that, no, I don't think you can definitely assume she hooked up with a guy prior to you that night. It would have been easier to verify at the time with some questions about the night and also confirming with co-workers if you knew them. It's too late now and churning this 'what if she did' scenario over in your mind now is a waste, if this is all you got + a money lie. Being impulsive + BPD, it would certainly pay not to be oblivious to inconsistencies though. It's possible she did mess around with some guy, but I would assume if it got her all horny & wet and her sex life at home is a bit boring, that it would have become more than a one off (but no 'for sures' on this). It would certainly seem something happened that night earlier at the party. Maybe it was simply she drank way more than usual. (you said she doesn't party), maybe she had some conversations with some gal pals regarding their sex life, and got worked up over it, maybe some good looking guy there flirted with her and made a pass, but she knocked him back, but it boosted her self esteem & got her aroused.
Desensitized Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I have been with my wife for 9 years married for one. She has borderline personality disorder Compared to most BPD women she has always been very conservative in our bedroom. She does not go out partying or anything and she does not ever disappear on me I always thought I could trust her she tells me everything But recently I caught her in some lies about money which is making me question stuff in our past. I was thinking about something that happened 6 years ago. We moved to a new state and she was complaining she needed friends. One Friday night she said she was going to a small get together with the people who work at the chiropractic office she goes to. Her parents also go to the same chiropractic office and I remember her also telling them where she was going so it ain't like she was lying. I went to sleep that night and she came home at two am. I felt her get on top of me and when I opened my eyes she was like "**ck me" in a tone of voice ive never heard. We then had the most intense sex we have ever had. Out of the 9 years we have never had sex like this ever. The other thing I remember from that night is she was so wet I have never seen it that wet. Does any one think she was messing around with some dude and felt guilty about it ? she is very impulsive Dude, if it happened, you're never going to find out. Believe me on this one... My ex-fiancee had BPD, so I know what you mean when you say that she's very impulsive. She was the type of BPD that was extremely promiscuous (with guys before me, of course). But anyway, if this happened 6 years ago, why are you just now thinking about it? It seems way too irrelevant to even dig up something like this. It seems like you're just looking for drama, tbh. But, I can't blame you if you're starting to become paranoid (classic BPD trait) - I mean, you are married to a BPD, afterall. After the year I spent with my BPD ex-fiancee, I too started to act like her - which is not a good thing, btw! If you hasn't cheated in the 9 years you've been with her, just be happy. Good luck
dreamingoftigers Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 No, not necessarily at all. Weird that you should have that connectivity of thought, considering cheating? I was diagnosed with BPD ten years ago but have gone for some serious therapy since and EMDR helped my brain function tremendously better. I have developed empathy and less self-victimizing skills. In the past, I would view porn as a way to get started and then jump my partner. That had a very different physiological effect, including getting me much wetter then usual. If she cheated she probably wouldn't be any wetter, she'd probably actually be kinda done for the night if there was too much space in between. And honesty sometimes hormones and horniness just hit if we have enough time to think about it.
Desensitized Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 No, not necessarily at all. Weird that you should have that connectivity of thought, considering cheating? I was diagnosed with BPD ten years ago but have gone for some serious therapy since and EMDR helped my brain function tremendously better. I have developed empathy and less self-victimizing skills. In the past, I would view porn as a way to get started and then jump my partner. That had a very different physiological effect, including getting me much wetter then usual. If she cheated she probably wouldn't be any wetter, she'd probably actually be kinda done for the night if there was too much space in between. And honesty sometimes hormones and horniness just hit if we have enough time to think about it. You BPDers are so analytical EMDR, huh? Is that more effective than DBT?
dreamingoftigers Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Us BPDers have a bit of a paranoid streak. IMO when someone is using very circumstantial old evidence to pin together cheating, they are often peeking over the walls. I found EMDR with a little mix of the CBT basics to be a godsend. EMDR stimulates the right side of the brain (well both sides really, but the trauma associated with it often is unprocessed in the right). Regular talk therapy only accesses the left side, with is why for compulsives and BPDers, PTSD etc, talk therapy is almost totally ineffective. Plus it doesn't help that because of trauma stored on the right remains unprocessed that often the person afflicted with it can't even articulate what is going on inside them. If you ever talk to an addict about why they are an addict or why they use, they almost have to come up with a reason why they feel they way they do. Most addicts are trying to deaden the pain that comes with unprocessed trauma.
Desensitized Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Thanks for the quick response, dreamingoftigers. Hmm... that's pretty interesting information. I was just curious about DBT because my ex-fiancee attended DBT - makes me wonder how much better she "really" is. And that paranoid streak you speak of definitely resonates with me Thanks again, dreamingoftigers.
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