Baldy Posted April 28, 2004 Posted April 28, 2004 I have been seeing someone now for a number of months and we are getting on so great, and I can see a future together, however.... I don't get that whole 'I need you right here, right now, on the floor' feeling When I am with her I feel secure, warm and loved. I feel that I could be with her for a long time and even live the rest of my life with her. When I see her it feels right and I may be falling in love with her! But I don't get that passionate feeling, that feeling of seeing them and your heart stops and you just want to hold them etc etc - the whole 'I can feel a spark' thing. I know this feeling wears off soon when you are with someone for a while but for me it seemed to wear off instantly and I'm worried I'm going to f**k things up because I keep thinking about this!!! I think part of the problem is that my last few relationships have been very intense (not knowing when you will see them next, are they cheating etc.)and pretty short lived, so that automatically seems to breed passion etc Our sex life is excellent so she does turn me on etc. it's just the whole passion, stomach knotting, heart stopping thing that seems to be missing. She has told me that she does feel those things though when she sees ME though! hmmmmmmmm?
Becks84 Posted April 28, 2004 Posted April 28, 2004 Different feelings with different people. I wouldnt say it's a bad thing at all! Everything else sounds great, don't give up what you have -becks
Embee Posted April 29, 2004 Posted April 29, 2004 Are you even a wee bit commitment phobic? Do you look for excuses eventually to dump people when they get too close for comfort and some of that fire dies down?
Author Baldy Posted April 29, 2004 Author Posted April 29, 2004 No, I wouldn't say that I am a commitment'phobe at all (not that I know of anyway) I have been in several long term relationships lasting a number of years and two of them were ended by the other person. I don't know... maybe like I said it's because the last four relationships have been so intense and I knew that they wouldn't last so it makes it very passionate - The old 'if you can't have it then you want it more' routine!. With this one it's different and feels like it will last. Maybe I am getting confused with passion, knots in the stomach etc. with being treated like s**t which comes round to the old 'if you can't have it then you want it more' again
Becks84 Posted April 29, 2004 Posted April 29, 2004 I think you could be on to something. Looks like you know yourself better than you thought. It really makes sense what you say about wanting something more when you can't have it or it's going to end. You probably feel passion and excitement for your current gf in different ways! Maybe you should pay attention more, and you will find out what these are
Samantha16 Posted April 29, 2004 Posted April 29, 2004 Maybe you felt more passion in your other relationships because of the chase. I think that you feel more secure in this current relationship. You see her more as a companion rather than a lover. Perhaps you love her, but you're not exactly IN love with her. Some people actually get married because they feel secure with the person. They also feel attached and need that farmiliar territory. The thrill isn't there, but you have everything else you need. My worry is that in the future, you may start fening for that romance and spark. Isn't that the best part about having a bf/gf? I think you're right, some relationships start off like that, and the feeling eventually goes away--but for you, the feeling wasn't there to begin with. I think you might be just letting yourself grow to love her, but you might never be IN love with her. Am I on to something, or are you thinking of something completely different?
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