Star Gazer Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 All I can say is that it has been my experience that the guys who pursued me the hardest in the beginning tended to be inconsistent in the middle and end. Same here, and same with the OP - which makes her "rule" all the more confusing. The only men that I give my number to are men that I have a high level of interest in and that's not going to fade if he waits a few days to call. There are usually plenty of other cooling agents at play! Same here!
Kamille Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 All I can say is that it has been my experience that the guys who pursued me the hardest in the beginning tended to be inconsistent in the middle and end. The only men that I give my number to are men that I have a high level of interest in and that's not going to fade if he waits a few days to call. There are usually plenty of other cooling agents at play! Same here, and same with the OP - which makes her "rule" all the more confusing. I used to fall for guys who came on strong and learned the hard way they were also the most likely to leave me high and dry. I have yet to figure out why these guys are like that, but what I have figured out is that needing guys to be "high interest" too soon meant I focused too much on whether he liked me, and didn't focus enough on making sure I was building a healthy relationship. ES, I think this is something to consider. Why do you need strong displays of affection and does the feeling of security you might derive from it really mean you have control?
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 i agree with you entirely, but i'm a man not a woman . and yes, that was one of the first things that attracted me to the woman i'm with now. she says what she thinks, and we could honestly discuss those issues about what we expected of each other as early as the end of the second date, with no drama or BS. Sorry, your post inspired my post, but I did not mean to imply that you were a female. I was addressing the OP. BTW, let the good times roll, MAN!
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I used to fall for guys who came on strong and learned the hard way they were also the most likely to leave me high and dry. I have yet to figure out why these guys are like that, but what I have figured out is that needing guys to be "high interest" too soon meant I focused too much on whether he liked me, and didn't focus enough on making sure I was building a healthy relationship. ES, I think this is something to consider. Why do you need strong displays of affection and does the feeling of security you might derive from it really mean you have control? They leave because they like the imagined person and not the actual person. OkCupid refers to these people as the 'VaporTrail.' http://www.okcupid.com/oktest3?describe=The+Vapor+Trail+(RBLM)&score=9
Dust Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I don’t just ask girls for their numbers because I think its lame to ask some one out over the phone. If I was a single guy and I met a girl while out and about I would ask her out on a date either for that day or a day close by. If the date was set up for the same day or the next day or what ever I would just call for communication purposes if needed. If the date had to be set up many days away I might just call to quickly flirt and show I’m thinking about her some time in the middle of the week. I’d keep it short though because I think its easy to spook a girl. I 100% believe in being aggressive not in appearance but through clear defined action with purpose. That does not mean being needy and or disrespectful.
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I don't need a phone number....all I need is a plate number and/or an address and I pursue for long time with an occasional rummage through their outdoor trash cans. Now that's a winner right there. I prefer a man who has some kind of access to intel-gathering equipment too. I get butterflies.
Kamille Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 They leave because they like the imagined person and not the actual person. OkCupid refers to these people as the 'VaporTrail.' http://www.okcupid.com/oktest3?describe=The+Vapor+Trail+(RBLM)&score=9 Makes absolute sense. They were also the relationships where conflicts were hardest to handle, precisely because these guys would get upset if I didn't match the imagined person to a T. Ps: That OKC test told me I was a catch! Thanks test! I take compliments wherever I can find them.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Now that's a winner right there. I prefer a man who has some kind of access to intel-gathering equipment too. I get butterflies. (10 chars)
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Makes absolute sense. They were also the relationships where conflicts were hardest to handle, precisely because these guys would get upset if I didn't match the imagined person to a T. Ps: That OKC test told me I was a catch! Thanks test! I take compliments wherever I can find them. Good, more vaportrails for me! *doing robot*
betterdeal Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Tip for single guys and dolls: do what you want to do. If you want to send a bazillion SMS based sweet nothings to someone you've actually met for no more than 20 minutes, do it. If you want to call her at 3am and tell her you've never felt like this for anyone else, do it. If you want to take a look at yourself and think, hang on, there's more to life than painting a false image of myself in the hope of getting a relationship that will, ultimately, be unsustainable as I'd have to be that false persona to sustain the relationship, do it. If you want to call her the day after getting her number, bearing in mind some basic social norms such as calling during normal waking hours, maybe not at rush hour or dinner time, then do it. Talking and connecting to her is also part of the package.
Star Gazer Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 If you want to take a look at yourself and think, hang on, there's more to life than painting a false image of myself in the hope of getting a relationship that will, ultimately, be unsustainable as I'd have to be that false persona to sustain the relationship, do it. Love this!!
threebyfate Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I'd be way too pissed at a guy to even answer his calls if he kept me waiting like is apparently the norm.Yup, hence why I married my husband. Consistent interest and daily contact. No juvenile guessing games.
Star Gazer Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Ps: That OKC test told me I was a catch! Thanks test! I take compliments wherever I can find them. It told me I'm "Maid of Honor"...?
alfhqp Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I constantly hear misguided advice to men on "playing hard to get", don't call too soon, have low contact between dates etc etc etc. I can tell you from a female prospective that all it does is lower my interest level. Say I meet a guy on Saturday night and he gets my number. There is nothing hotter than him calling the next day to set up a date. If he waits even a few days, my interest is already fading. Even if I agree to go out on a date then, he has got a negative point in my mind. Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. Waiting and waffling is NOT. be selfish.....Thanks Author
RovingReporter Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Sage advice from the biggest train wreck on the internet. Don't listen to her men!
rafallus Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Sage advice from the biggest train wreck on the internet. Don't listen to her men! It's easy to preach. Practicing preached thing is different story. (Yes, I'm pointing out the obvious)
Sam Smith Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I guess some guys just don't want to seem 'desperate' and that's understandable. It's best to just be natural. I mean, if the girl you met is actually interesting and you want to hang out with her, you're going to want to give her a call and set up a time to spend together, right? Do it then. Don't fake being hard to get. Women are very perceptive and they'll see when you're just pretending. They're much more perceptive than guys actually. Sam
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 If you want to take a look at yourself and think, hang on, there's more to life than painting a false image of myself in the hope of getting a relationship that will, ultimately, be unsustainable as I'd have to be that false persona to sustain the relationship, do it. . lol, very nice, liked the way you've put it!
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