Eternal Sunshine Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I constantly hear misguided advice to men on "playing hard to get", don't call too soon, have low contact between dates etc etc etc. I can tell you from a female prospective that all it does is lower my interest level. Say I meet a guy on Saturday night and he gets my number. There is nothing hotter than him calling the next day to set up a date. If he waits even a few days, my interest is already fading. Even if I agree to go out on a date then, he has got a negative point in my mind. Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. Waiting and waffling is NOT.
Ginger Beer Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I've heard that if the girl likes you, there's no such thing as being too keen. I think I might have read it on here, that playing games like hard to get only works on the wrong type of women.
counterman Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Thanks, I hate playing games. When I am interested in a girl, I am actually really interested in her, hence why I ask her out. Girls that think I'm needy if I call them the next day are obviously not that interested in me and I don't bother with them.
Citizen Erased Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I'd be way too pissed at a guy to even answer his calls if he kept me waiting like is apparently the norm. Games are boring to me. Unless it involves drinking or Uno.
Pierre Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I constantly hear misguided advice to men on "playing hard to get", don't call too soon, have low contact between dates etc etc etc. I can tell you from a female prospective that all it does is lower my interest level. Say I meet a guy on Saturday night and he gets my number. There is nothing hotter than him calling the next day to set up a date. If he waits even a few days, my interest is already fading. Even if I agree to go out on a date then, he has got a negative point in my mind. Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. Waiting and waffling is NOT. Do you realize there are women that do not like guys that are too persistent? I generally call if I perceive the woman is receptive. If she is receptive and give no signals then I cannot call.
rafallus Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I constantly hear misguided advice to men on "playing hard to get", don't call too soon, have low contact between dates etc etc etc. I can tell you from a female prospective that all it does is lower my interest level. Say I meet a guy on Saturday night and he gets my number. There is nothing hotter than him calling the next day to set up a date. If he waits even a few days, my interest is already fading. Even if I agree to go out on a date then, he has got a negative point in my mind. Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. Waiting and waffling is NOT. IMO "playing hard to get" is just a temporary fix for stage 5 clingers, until they get what is excessive, and what isn't. I remember getting screwed over a few times by this. After several days a person may not remember me at all, and be in general ****ty mood when I make contact, without me knowing beforehand.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Do you realize there are women that do not like guys that are too persistent? I generally call if I perceive the woman is receptive. If she is receptive and give no signals then I cannot call. I agree. I think the classic "don't be too eager, don't call too soon" advice is mostly geared at males who are attempting to date younger, less experienced, and somewhat naive women who aren't yet fully attuned to "games." Women who have dated a lot and have been given the run-around, and are sick of the BS (as you, OP, probably are) will not be so taken by this strategy. The question is whether or not men know this. My dating experience is very limited, but I've never had a guy ask for my number and then wait days or weeks to call. Current bf asked for my number when we met, texted me a "get home safe!" text that evening, and called me to ask me out the next day. I didn't see him as "desperate" or "needy"...I was thrilled.
Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. I disagree. Aggressiveness would make me lose interest fast.
Survivor12 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I have a tendency to put my guard up when I man I just met comes on too strong. Sure, I welcome a call a day or two after meeting to establish that he is interested, but "aggression" is a real turn-off to me. When a man is too eager in the beginning--before he even knows me--it strikes me as a sign that he is desperate or an indication that he believes that I am. Now, after a few dates, when it has been determined that we do have mutual interest in each other, I am receptive to (and expect) more frequent contact but will recoil the moment I feel "smothered". I have to say, though, that I agree that telling someone to "play hard to get" is ill-advised. Rather than pretending to be, to act or to feel differently than you do only leads to confusion and disappointment. Better to find someone who appreciates you for who you are...because as this thread proves--not everyone is the same.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I constantly hear misguided advice to men on "playing hard to get", don't call too soon, have low contact between dates etc etc etc. I can tell you from a female prospective that all it does is lower my interest level. Say I meet a guy on Saturday night and he gets my number. There is nothing hotter than him calling the next day to set up a date. If he waits even a few days, my interest is already fading. Even if I agree to go out on a date then, he has got a negative point in my mind. Aggressive pursuit of the girl you are interested in is HOT and will only increase interest level. Waiting and waffling is NOT. Depends. There is no real too soon for a guy to contact me if I've just given him my number, but a HUGE amount of contact between early dates. . . eh, I'm not sure if it makes me lose interest, but it would not be compatible with my dating and communication style so if the guy couldn't take direction (I'd probably let him know something like, "Great! See you Friday!" if he was still texting, and if he KEPT randomly texting me before Friday --- logistics are a different story --- I'd be annoyed; Dude, I'll see you Friday. The end.), that'd probably wind up badly. I've actually never had a guy wait three days to at least mention a first date after getting my contact info (sometimes there are logistics for why you can't set it up right away; that's fine). If some guy got my number and then randomly called several days later, I'd probably say, "What took you so long?" and if he persisted with any game-like stuff that looks like The System or the men's version of The Rules, I'd be out. But if he wanted daily contact from the beginning, he and I just wouldn't mesh. That's something you work up to. That said, I don't like dragging things out, so some of the posters who say they do like one date a week for months on end. . . never really getting anywhere solid until two or three months in, that doesn't jive with my experiences either. I'm busy, but if I find someone I like, I start to squeeze them in a few times a week and invite them to things with my friends and such. IMO "playing hard to get" is just a temporary fix for stage 5 clingers, until they get what is excessive, and what isn't. Agree 100%. These games are designed to help the unhealthy, but they also keep them unhealthy. I like a guy who isn't playing games, who I feel I can contact whenever I want without being judged or feeling uncomfortable, who contacts me freely and escalates contact as we get to know each other, and who seems eager and happy to see me without being clingy. That's what I'd describe my style as, in terms of how I act, as well.
ptp Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I would rather playing hard to get than seem desperate. Also playing hard to get flat out works.
bluenightowl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I have a tendency to put my guard up when I man I just met comes on too strong. Sure, I welcome a call a day or two after meeting to establish that he is interested, but "aggression" is a real turn-off to me. When a man is too eager in the beginning--before he even knows me--it strikes me as a sign that he is desperate or an indication that he believes that I am. Now, after a few dates, when it has been determined that we do have mutual interest in each other, I am receptive to (and expect) more frequent contact but will recoil the moment I feel "smothered". This speaks true of some of the women I've dated as well. Each women is different. Some love attention early, and some don't. Its not always easy to judge either since, sometimes a woman might get very into you and then pull back if as Survivor says she feels in any way smothered. But if sex is involved early then things can get very complicated very quickly. I've come across women who get be intimate and later feel smothered. That becomes very confusing for a guy in terms of how to act.
Sanman Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Bottom line here seems that different women want different things. Read them the best you can and go with what you think is best.
make me believe Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I totally agree with the OP. I met my husband on a Saturday night and he called the very next day to set up a date. I loved it! It was so refreshing from the guys who wait & play lame games. There's a difference in being persistant or aggressive and being upfront. Persistant calling or aggressiveness would turn me off, but making your interest known in a nice way is great. If you have to play hard to get or ANY other game to get a woman, then I think she's not truly interested in you. If a guy was into me because I played hard to get, he's not the guy for me.
Nexus One Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 In my opinion there can be a difference between "not playing the waiting game" and "being aggressive". When going for a woman I just want to act genuine. If that means I want to call her the next day to set up a date, then so be it. That doesn't have to mean I'm aggressive about it, just that I'm not interested in playing games and want to be straightforward with her.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 In my opinion there can be a difference between "not playing the waiting game" and "being aggressive". When going for a woman I just want to act genuine. If that means I want to call her the next day to set up a date, then so be it. That doesn't have to mean I'm aggressive about it, just that I'm not interested in playing games and want to be straightforward with her. This. Being aggressive is not the same as simply calling the next day. I would consider aggressive behaviour to be multiple calls/texts.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 In my opinion there can be a difference between "not playing the waiting game" and "being aggressive". When going for a woman I just want to act genuine. If that means I want to call her the next day to set up a date, then so be it. That doesn't have to mean I'm aggressive about it, just that I'm not interested in playing games and want to be straightforward with her. Right. And your style sounds healthy and effective (when dealing with healthy women who are also interested).
Casablanca Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I've heard that if the girl likes you, there's no such thing as being too keen. I think I might have read it on here, that playing games like hard to get only works on the wrong type of women. I agree with this.... As long as you are not over bearing and calling a bunch or times or texting a bunch each day you'll be fine. I do always wait a day between getting a number and calling...if I got a number on Saturday, I'll probably call Monday
iris219 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Bottom line here seems that different women want different things. Read them the best you can and go with what you think is best. I think, for the most part, all the women here are in agreement. I don’t think ES meant calling/texting constantly when she used the word “aggressive.” I think she simply meant men should make it clear early on that they’re interested and feel you’re important enough to make time for. There’s a happy medium between obvious desperation and nonchalance. Women want a man to be straightforward about their interest. If I give a guy my number and he waits a week to call, I’ve either forgotten about him and/or figured he has other options that he was trying out first. At this point, I may or may not accept a date. If I decide to go on the date, I will be thinking he’s not that interested; therefore, it’s hard for me to get interested. I have NEVER had it work out with a man who waited to contact me. If I go on a date with someone and he waits a week to get back in touch, I won’t even respond. I consider this rude and I’ve already moved on.
Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I don’t think ES meant calling/texting constantly when she used the word “aggressive.” Have you read her threads? She needs to be receive nearly CONSTANT communication (one-sided, from the guy) in order to believe he's sufficiently interested.
henderson14 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 What women say they want and what they actually want are two different things. I always wait two days to call and I have never been turned down. I think the next day is just too soon. You just come across as desperate. If you keep her guessing a little, you keep things interesting. Girls do the same thing. You call and leave a message and they will wait a day or two to call back and then you look even more desperate. There is something called space in an early relationship. Plus, chances are if you met on the weekend you'll set something up for later in the week or weekend and if you call too early it will be too early in the week to make plans.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Have you read her threads? She needs to be receive nearly CONSTANT communication (one-sided, from the guy) in order to believe he's sufficiently interested. I have read her threads. But I also believe in giving people room to grow and improve. Maybe she has learned something from her recent relationship. I think what she says here is reasonable. My last boyfriend called me right away, and then called me every single day for the rest of our relationship. He even prided himself on the fact that he called every day, and told me it revealed a lot that every day, he wanted to call.
Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I have read her threads. But I also believe in giving people room to grow and improve. Maybe she has learned something from her recent relationship. In her last relationship, she required extremely high levels of contact that everyone agreed not one man on earth could keep up with - even yours. It doesn't sound to me that that expectation/requirement has changed... Because In her OP she says "nothing is hotter than calling the next day" and AGGRESSIVE PURSUIT is hot.
Lovelybird Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I like actively pursuing guy who keep contact every day but I don't like stalkish ones
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