smudge21 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 To sum up, been NC with her for over 4 months and not seen in 6. The break up was mutual and polite - no cheating or anger, so we tried to remain friends. Sadly, my feelings didn't go, they just got stronger and when she got back with an ex I had to say goodbye. Like I said, that was 4 months ago. Now, a few weeks ago I hear she's upset and missing me, then she starts texting. Now because I have no ill feelings for her, I do reply back and I'm nice about it. The 4 months have been tough but they have helped. I know I still do have strong feelings for her, but I'm more accepting of the situation now. So yeah, I reckon we could have a friendship soon enough, but just not 100% ready just yet. Need to give it a bit longer. That said, not going to ignore her and so was just friendly with her. Anyway, without getting into details, she proceeds to confide in me about something that she hasn't told anyone else. It's something pretty bad, a mistake she may be about to make, and she feels that I'll tell her straight - she also feels she can trust me (we did have good friendship before anything happened, so that's where that comes from). We text about it then eventually talk for the first time in 6 months. It was nice and it's clear that I'm still in her thoughts. She takes on board my views and we leave it at that. That's over a week now and I've texted once just to see how she is and got a basic reply back, but nothing else. My issue is is that I want to talk about what she told me and really try to help (as I would any friend), but due to the fact I'm still on no contact (well, low contact anyway) I don't want to come across as if I'm chasing her again or making all the effort. My thoughts are to back off and let her come to me, but with what's going on, I feel that may be a little harsh. I don't know what to do. Keep texting but keep it basic or walk away but respond if she gets in touch. I do know that once this situation is resolved I have no intention of just going back to how things were. Nothing has changed in regards to the reasons I went NC. The way I see this is I'm communicating now because a friend needs my help. I'm putting aside the feelings and doing the right thing, in my eyes. Yeah, I know this contact may set me back but I'm not the type to turn down a friend when they ask for help, no matter what the situation.
patagonia Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Stick with NC. That's all i can say. You texted her and she replied with a basic response. Leave it at that. If she comes around then she will come around otherwise she is just seeing if she still has that barb in your skin...
1Dunno Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Have to agree with patagonia on this one smudge. You seem like a very selfless person giving her the support she needs throughout a hard time. But remember, you need to look out for yourself too. The best way to do that is to continue with NC, which you seem to be doing well with. If she has a compelling epiphany in the meantime then so be it, but don't count on it. There's certainly nothing wrong with giving a person the emotional support they need in a tough time. But just remember that your first priority is you.
Author smudge21 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 Thanks for the replies, much appreciated as always. I sent a text though (I know, but for this one instance things are different in my eyes), it just said whatever her decision I hope she's okay and that I am here for her. Simple as that. Just walking away felt wrong in this instance (although I do agree in most times it is the best thing to do and it is what I did 6 months ago), but now it feels better. Be great if I could've talked more to her and maybe solved this situation as I know it's going to hang over my head for a while yet, thus risking my healing. Can't turn my back though... I'd hate myself more for that.
Recommended Posts