someonestruth Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well first I have to say I don't know what to expect as far as response or whatkind of response I'm even looking for. With that said...I'm sleeping with my female best friend. I'm good friends with her husband too...oh and I'm living with them as well. I know it sounds completely wrong and I know on a level it is, I'm okay with my decisions so far. I was afraid this would happen if I moved in with them but I told myself that I could say no, and I did say no the first time...but I regretted it until I made my move. I have no delusions about my relationship with her. We're FWB. Theres no future for the two of us. We care about each other but I know if it came down to it and it was him or me it would be him every time. She made 2 rules and I'm okay with them "no jealousy. No feelings." The bad thing is I don't even feel that guilty. I knew their marriage was in a rough patch for a while. I knew that neither of them were happy but I also knew that they were working through it. I know that what I'm doing is selfish and not helping but honestly I'm not losing sleep over it. I can still look him in the eye and talk like nothing is going on. And I still view him as a friend, even though I'm sure he would disagree if he knew.
lilagirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 yes... he would disagree. what are you looking for from this board? You seem great. Content with the relationship, content with HER rules, content with your conscience... all is great ?
MissBee Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well first I have to say I don't know what to expect as far as response or whatkind of response I'm even looking for. With that said...I'm sleeping with my female best friend. I'm good friends with her husband too...oh and I'm living with them as well. I know it sounds completely wrong and I know on a level it is, I'm okay with my decisions so far. I was afraid this would happen if I moved in with them but I told myself that I could say no, and I did say no the first time...but I regretted it until I made my move. I have no delusions about my relationship with her. We're FWB. Theres no future for the two of us. We care about each other but I know if it came down to it and it was him or me it would be him every time. She made 2 rules and I'm okay with them "no jealousy. No feelings." The bad thing is I don't even feel that guilty. I knew their marriage was in a rough patch for a while. I knew that neither of them were happy but I also knew that they were working through it. I know that what I'm doing is selfish and not helping but honestly I'm not losing sleep over it. I can still look him in the eye and talk like nothing is going on. And I still view him as a friend, even though I'm sure he would disagree if he knew. Ahhhh......soooo what exactly brought you to LS then since you feel fine, you're not losing sleep and you have good grasp of this precarious situation?
Author someonestruth Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I think mostly secrets are only fun if you get to share them and the only person I would share this with is in on it. Its nice to hear other peoples takes on situations too...though Idon't think its too much of a mystery what the majority of people would think about my situation
MissBee Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I think mostly secrets are only fun if you get to share them and the only person I would share this with is in on it. Its nice to hear other peoples takes on situations too...though Idon't think its too much of a mystery what the majority of people would think about my situation Ohh okay. Soooo....are you worried about her husband finding out and what that may mean for you? Or is that not on your radar, or a possibility but nothing you'd worry about?
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well first I have to say I don't know what to expect as far as response or whatkind of response I'm even looking for. With that said...I'm sleeping with my female best friend. I'm good friends with her husband too...oh and I'm living with them as well. I know it sounds completely wrong and I know on a level it is, I'm okay with my decisions so far. I was afraid this would happen if I moved in with them but I told myself that I could say no, and I did say no the first time...but I regretted it until I made my move. I have no delusions about my relationship with her. We're FWB. Theres no future for the two of us. We care about each other but I know if it came down to it and it was him or me it would be him every time. She made 2 rules and I'm okay with them "no jealousy. No feelings." The bad thing is I don't even feel that guilty. I knew their marriage was in a rough patch for a while. I knew that neither of them were happy but I also knew that they were working through it. I know that what I'm doing is selfish and not helping but honestly I'm not losing sleep over it. I can still look him in the eye and talk like nothing is going on. And I still view him as a friend, even though I'm sure he would disagree if he knew. Then why keep it a secret? Or is it the taboo of it all, having to be quiet, not telling anybody? If you are so proud of your choices and feel no shame or guilt, don't care what others think, why not tell your fwb's husband? Tell your family and friends that you are living with your two friends and banging his wife right under his nose, in their house. I don't know if you're looking for approval or to be told "good boy! enjoy it while it lasts" or "get your head out of your butt, and get yourself OUT of this situation before her husband puts a baseball bat against your head and beats the crap out of you". One day you two WILL get caught and it won't be pretty. When that day comes, OWN it. Tell him that you don't care, don't feel any guilt or shame, that you still consider him a friend even though you've betrayed his friendship and trust in you. Those 2 rules will soon go out the window once you (chances are both of you) become attached to eachother. Feelings will happen and you're fooling yourself if you think it won't!
Woman In Blue Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well if you're living with them, that means that you needed a leg up and fell on some kind of financial hardship in the somewhat recent past. Married/committed couples don't just let friends move in with them for no reason at all. So in essence, this guy took you in when you needed a place to stay, and THIS is the way you thank him? Skulking around his wife and tearing off a piece when he's out at Home Depot or at work? I would suppose if you're grown up enough to bang someone's wife - and look him in the eye while you sit at his table and eat the food he probably provided - then you're grown up enough to be out generating an adequate income to support yourself. Where the hell is your pride?
MissBee Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Well if you're living with them, that means that you needed a leg up and fell on some kind of financial hardship in the somewhat recent past. Married/committed couples don't just let friends move in with them for no reason at all. So in essence, this guy took you in when you needed a place to stay, and THIS is the way you thank him? Skulking around his wife and tearing off a piece when he's out at Home Depot or at work? I would suppose if you're grown up enough to bang someone's wife - and look him in the eye while you sit at his table and eat the food he probably provided - then you're grown up enough to be out generating an adequate income to support yourself. Where the hell is your pride? I too am wondering about this.... I mean the whole situation is a mess on the wife's part and the OP's part...but it seems like the OP has other things he needs to be concerned about. I for one would not be content living with my friend and her husband, much less to sleep in THEIR house at nights while banging him on the side. I would be at least trying to figure out a way to get on my own 2 feet before I proceeded to have an affair with her husband... I don't know what the OP wants but he admits to knowing the situation will be met with criticism and he is fine with everything...so I suppose he is posting for sport. In any case, there is too much going on here that is a mess, besides the obvious, and I don't know what is up with the husband in this triangle but in any case, all 3 people, 2 willingly and one unwillingly have found themselves in a trailer, right in the middle of HotMessville! Edited August 4, 2011 by MissBee
woinlove Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I think mostly secrets are only fun if you get to share them and the only person I would share this with is in on it. Its nice to hear other peoples takes on situations too...though Idon't think its too much of a mystery what the majority of people would think about my situation Is that why you are really posting here? To have some fun? I wonder if there isn't any other reason. Perhaps you have some doubts? If it really is just fun you are looking for on LS and you say you already know how most people will react to you betraying your friend and not caring, I wonder if you enjoy people saying negative things. If so, why? From what you write, you might benefit from counselling. It is my experience that life brings greater joy the more one feels connected to others, empathizes with others, and wants to and is capable of treating others with kindness and respect. You capacity for connecting to others sounds stunted just from the bit you write.
eleanor01 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hi, someonestruth-- I also wonder why you're here. If you just want to get someone's take on your situation, here's mine: I'm not judging right or wrong, but I do think that what you and your married woman are doing is dangerous. You are for certain putting your relationship with both of them at risk and there could easily be broken hearts all around. From the tone of your post, it sounds to me like you're almost giddy, which would suggest that the relationship is brand new. Please be careful. I am also brand new here (just FYI). Best, Ellie
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Sounds like someone who is a real user. Using a friend for a place to live and his wife for a place you do_____ fill in the blank.
cutily Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Don't you have respect for friendship!!! I'm sorry I'm the kind of person who value friendship more than love relationships, I love my friends like brothers and sisters. Your best friend should be a sister, you should be unable to sleep with her, that's plain nasty. I hope you are planning on moving out soon! For a personal note I don't understand why a married couple would live with a single guy.
Severely Unamused Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) I think mostly secrets are only fun if you get to share them and the only person I would share this with is in on it. Its nice to hear other peoples takes on situations too...though Idon't think its too much of a mystery what the majority of people would think about my situation Ah, ego stroking. I'm not losing sleep over it.Unsurprising. I'd be amazed if anyone took this thread seriously. Edited August 4, 2011 by Severely Unamused
Emme Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 "no jealousy. No feelings." I just wanted you to know that this statement is not true. No matter if you get a tattoo on your arm it would not be true. It is hard to control your emotions and blow something off as big as this is as not that relevant. There will come a time where your emotions will take control and there is nothing you can do to will it away. I know it's done to protect your mindset of what the two of you are doing but it won't. Emotions grow and build over time just like anything else. I started out just as you with the same notion and it works for a while, it truly does. I don't have the cut off month or year to tell you when it stops working. All I can tell you is that some of us here started out with our friends, our best friends. For me it went on for more than a decade. This is your warning memo... Emotions take over. Take heed. On another note, get the hell out of their home, NOW.
Severely Unamused Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 This seems like a brag thread to be honest. If so, advice would be wasted. Btw, for some light entertainment, look at someonestruth's opening post again. Replace the word "friend" with "tool for my own self-gratification".
SBC Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 This is the kind of situation that leads a person to commit a double homicide before taking their own life. Good luck to all of you.
TurboGirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well if you're living with them, that means that you needed a leg up and fell on some kind of financial hardship in the somewhat recent past. Married/committed couples don't just let friends move in with them for no reason at all. So in essence, this guy took you in when you needed a place to stay, and THIS is the way you thank him? Skulking around his wife and tearing off a piece when he's out at Home Depot or at work? I would suppose if you're grown up enough to bang someone's wife - and look him in the eye while you sit at his table and eat the food he probably provided - then you're grown up enough to be out generating an adequate income to support yourself. Where the hell is your pride? My thoughts exactly. You call yourself a "FRIEND" to either one of these people? the lady or the man? NO way. You are not a friend. Man up, go get your own place to stay. And in the meantime, while you are looking, quit sleeping with the guy's wife. How can you look him in the eye, really? You must be feeling some guilt or you wouldn't be posting here. Reach down & find your decency and knock off the cr**. Oh, I won't even get started on the Wife. In her own house, she is equally to blame here!
piscis Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hi u!! I will recommend to end the R I mean if it is not iomportant to you at all just for the sex part, you can get that somewhere else, I assume your friends opened thier house for you and you will probably loose his friendship (which I dont know you value or not) and engage lot of trouble for someone you don't care that much. Be wiser,this will only bring trouble to the 3 involved in the situation.
ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I was with my friends H a couple times and I was able to look her in the face, while he was my then-boyfriend, current baby's dad's friend. I was more his friend, although it is not justified. I was the one that said no feelings and I stuck with it. Him on the other hand? Did not. I suggest you move out. Friendships are important, but people have needs, I suppose. I don't regret what I did, but that is because I took ownership for it. I didn't keep it a secret. You should leave, but I think you should tell him after you leave. You might not be looking for advice, but it isn't a good situation to be in, especially living there.
Severely Unamused Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I suggest you seek psychiatric help. I bet you are very charming and that is why your friend provides room and board. And you also charmed his wife! I have to admit you are good. I am worried about how you can look at your friend in the eye and feel nothing. Tell me about the MOW. I assume she is also able to look at the H in the ye with no problem. Hmm, you need psychiatric help. this is very serious. I doubt that it will help. He doesn't want help, and it's easy to fake rehabilitation for a person with his "skills". No guilt in this area. Doesn't care about who he is hurting. Manipulates people's trust in him. Gets sadistic satisfaction out of waving this secret behind the husband's back. Bragging on LS (seriously, read the melodramatic title of this thread). We're dealing with a troll with an uninspired story. Or a donkey. If he is the latter, then for all the people that love the "life isn't so black and white" cliché, you're looking at something quite black right now. The worst part is, if he decides to read all of this, I will just be jerking off his ego. Because that's all he wanted.
Recommended Posts