Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 5 months and very much in love with each other. We're both 19 and we're already talking about our future, moving in, getting married after graduation etc.... But the thing is I'm a jealous person, I admit that. Everytime she talks to a guy in person or on facebook it drives me INSANE all the time at a point where I just wanna break it off. I love her so much but i think i rather handle the heartbreak rather than jealousy. Before we started dating I knew she had a lot of guy friends, so I knew what I was getting into and I knew I'd be feeling this way a lot, i thought I could handle it but I cant. I've just had enough of it, I've put up with it for nearly 5 months now. Ive told her about this a few times and she said its alright shes never leaving me. But It still gets me, though, I dont show it to her that it bothers me i just kind of keep it to myself. Shes my first real girlfriend, first girl I have ever loved. But I don't like the feeling of jealousy. I need to let her go. I know now relationships are not for me I dont think Im going to be in one again for a long time. I'm just gonna go back to being single and just have fun. How do I break it to her, she wants to marry me, I've met most of her family and they all approve of us getting married? Edited August 4, 2011 by Dox
Zaphod B Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Are you sure you're not just using jealousy as an excuse? What do you want? Remain single for the rest of your life? Seriously? Or will you search for a woman who will never ever talk to another guy, one you can control and keep under your thumb? It seems what you need to deal with is your jealousy. I know it's not easy, but it seems it will always be a problem for you if you don't. Talk to her some more about it. Maybe she can come up with ways to help you overcome your jealousy. Ways that will help you learn to trust her. Edited August 4, 2011 by Zaphod B
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 No there is no other excuse. That is why I want to end it because it feels like I'm becoming a control freak and I don't like that. Im the most laid back guy I know, I'm not a jealous person just when it comes to this. I dont know maybe I just love her too much. Talking to her will do no good. Am I suppose to tell her to stop talking to her friends? I know a lot of guys that are like that and I dont want to be one of them. Like I said I dont want to be a control freak. I also dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. But maybe i'm just to immature to be in a serious relationship right now? Just want to say that I love her so much that I feel guilty just talking to random girls because I know how it makes me feel when she talks to guy and I dont want her to go through that. This whole thing breaks my heart. I sound like a little girl haha. Thats why I dont talk to any of my friends about this.
Zaphod B Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 No, I'm not thinking you should tell her not to talk to guys, but maybe she could come up with something that might help. But yeah, maybe you make a good point. Maybe a little later on down the track you might be better able to deal with it. Just seems a shame to end something that seems to be so wonderful otherwise.
patagonia Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 what are you jealous over? if she loves you and you love her and she wants to marry you... if you are going to end it, end it now, 5 months into it, not 5 yrs into it. Will you regret it? Possibly but possibly not. Just remember this isnt a problem she has, it's something you have.
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I know its only been 5 months but I can honestly say this that it has been the best 5 months of my entire life. This is just stressing me out so much because if I break up with her I know I'm going to miss her so much and regret it later on. If I stay it'll just be the same thing everyday, feeling worried and jealous which I hate. I know that its me no doubt about it. I hate feeling this way all the time.
pie2 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I think that you're are doing the right thing by letting her go. At least at this stage in life. You never know, you might separate for a time, and get back together in the future. Trust me, you have time ahead of you, and lots of life to experience. Either way, you seem to need a little bit more maturity and wisdom to be in a long-term, committed relationship. But that's OK!!! You are still pretty young, and this is the time to work through your thoughts and emotions regarding a significant other. You'll only bring yourself, and her, lots of misery if you get too serious, too soon. So you're doing the right thing, IMO. Regarding your feelings of jealousy, what seems to be the root? Have you had a past experience of infidelity? Do you feel scared of being played the fool? Would you prefer a girlfriend with less male friends? Do you assume that your girlfriend is overly flirtatious, based on your own interactions with other girls? If you can get to the root, you might be able to find a way to overcome these feelings. Good luck.
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I think that you're are doing the right thing by letting her go. At least at this stage in life. You never know, you might separate for a time, and get back together in the future. Trust me, you have time ahead of you, and lots of life to experience. Either way, you seem to need a little bit more maturity and wisdom to be in a long-term, committed relationship. But that's OK!!! You are still pretty young, and this is the time to work through your thoughts and emotions regarding a significant other. You'll only bring yourself, and her, lots of misery if you get too serious, too soon. So you're doing the right thing, IMO. Regarding your feelings of jealousy, what seems to be the root? Have you had a past experience of infidelity? Do you feel scared of being played the fool? Would you prefer a girlfriend with less male friends? Do you assume that your girlfriend is overly flirtatious, based on your own interactions with other girls? If you can get to the root, you might be able to find a way to overcome these feelings. Good luck. Yea you could say I've experienced infidelity, but I didnt really care about the person so I dont think thats the reason. You're right mostly I'm scared of being played. I know a lot of guys who have and I dont want to experience it. I do prefer girls with less guy friends and I know there a lot out there. I wouldn't say she's flirtatious just over bubbly. I think I'm doing the right thing too. But how do i tell her? i'm just done being in a relationship.
SWAN808 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 are you certain of your feelings for her? Being so jealous sounds like perhaps you have lust for her but not true love. My opinion is if there is real love between two people - jealousy should not be such an issue. But if it is actually lust and powerful but confused feelings - you want to 'own' her and jealousy gets out of control. When you really love someone - I 'think' that more trust exists. I could be wrong but this sounds slightly out of whack...
patagonia Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Yea you could say I've experienced infidelity, but I didnt really care about the person so I dont think thats the reason. You're right mostly I'm scared of being played. I know a lot of guys who have and I dont want to experience it. I do prefer girls with less guy friends and I know there a lot out there. I wouldn't say she's flirtatious just over bubbly. I think I'm doing the right thing too. But how do i tell her? i'm just done being in a relationship. You've already made the decision. Just tell her..I know it's hard. However you would like to be told that a relationship is over and do it that way. Get it out of your system.
pie2 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Dox, I'm impressed with your understanding of what you're feeling! I think, with time, you'll realize that using up your energies on jealousy only steals from the happiness that you can find in this life. And life can pass by very quickly. Don't waste your time on these worries. When you're ready, you'll be able to have faith in a relationship built on a strong foundation of love, respect and shared ideals. I don't know much about the break up, but I think honesty is the best policy. And try to think about her reaction, and what you want to do if she gets really angry, insults you, acts like she doesn't care etc. Also, have a plan for after the break up. No contact? Maintain some contact?
Ruby Slippers Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 No one here can tell you whether you should or should not stay in this relationship. But your feelings of jealousy will most likely bubble up in relationships in which you really like your partner, and eventually, you'll have to deal with it. You can start working on that now, or later. My first serious boyfriend had a terrible jealousy issue. And he was one of those guys who was overbearing about it. He felt jealous for the same reasons you do, probably: he had a fear of losing me, a fear he wasn't good enough, a fear that I might leave him for someone else. The only way to quiet your fears (dark side) is to develop your strength and self-esteem (light side). And that will serve you well in all facets of life.
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 are you certain of your feelings for her? Being so jealous sounds like perhaps you have lust for her but not true love. My opinion is if there is real love between two people - jealousy should not be such an issue. But if it is actually lust and powerful but confused feelings - you want to 'own' her and jealousy gets out of control. When you really love someone - I 'think' that more trust exists. I could be wrong but this sounds slightly out of whack... i believe its true love. If she wanted to stop being intimate until marriage, I would do it in a heart beat. Believe me I love her so much and this is why I'm doing this. If i stay i know this is just going to cause too much drama in the future. She deserves better than me. But I cant handle the guys. Like on facebook I red one of her messages to a guy and even shes talking about other guys to that guy. Though there all friendly messages nothing flirtatious. I dont know. Dammit!
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I've decided to break it off. What should I say? This sucks!
Anela Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 You sound like someone I was just speaking of, in another thread. He still misses his ex - eight years later. his jealousy destroyed the relationship. He would advise you to do what you can to tame that jealousy; he still regrets losing his ex, saying that if he'd only trusted her, then they would still be together.
Author Dox Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 can you please send me a link of that thread?
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