CopingGal Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 My ex is a fool. He has a son that is mildly autistic. I get that and I get that he needs time. I was with my ex off and on for 2 1/2 years. I only met his son once and I never met any of his friends. Everytime I would ask about taking his son or friends with us, he said he wanted to keep me to himself because we did not see each other a lot. For years, he whined and whined about his schedule and that he wish he could have time for me. He tried to me more sensitive to my needs and he was nicer to me when we got back together after a bad break up. During the summer he never spends enough time for me. But this summer, he just freaked out! He stopped calling me. He ignored almost every one of my phone calls and sometimes did not get back to me for two days. He says he doesn't want to answer phone calls when he's spending time with his son, but he spends about 6 hours with his son hanging out during each day and on weekends. The son's mother rejects him, so he over compensates by smothering his son, but still, he couldn't stop his activities an hour before he goes to bed so he could have time to call me? He told me he didn't have money to see me, but he's been taking his son back and forth to Minnesota so he could see his best friend. The 3 of them hang out together. This summer he basically tossed me aside. I saw him once every two weeks for about 6 hours in which he did not take me anywhere except to our couple's therapy session and dinner. We were going to therapy, but he was ignoring me all the rest of the time. I was so hurt and so upset that I got sicker than I was (I have a digestive condition). He told me that when he was married, his wife was jealous of the time he spent with his son. He told me that his ex-girlfriend said he "hides behind his son." His son goes to a regular school. He has friends. It's hard to tell that he is even autistic. He needs extra attention, but every day M through Sunday? My ex just "turned on me" this summer. Even before the summer he would ignore all of my calls on weekends while spending time with his son. but this summer was awufl. He started to make me feel terrible, as if he thought I was not good enough to spend time with. He told me that he was hanging out with his son and his (my ex's) best friend. He told me that he was having a great summer, while I was at home, anxious, depressed, and sick. So I dumped him. Of course he got a new girl friend right away and now he, his son and her ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER! He met her when he was with his son, so I guess he thinks it's okay. He hooked up with her in less than 3 weeks after us breaking up. The last time we had a big break up, he hooked up with someone else in less than 7 days. The therapist says that he is selfish, naricissitic, and I am worth more than he was giving me. She said to leave him be, because this behavior was in-grained in him for a long time. My ex says he has nothing to apologize for and that I broke up with him. He never acknowledged that he treated me so bad. For years I waited for him to have a good schedule so he could spend more time with me. Finally, he got a great schedule and he spent even less time with me. I'm so angry, hurt and disappointed. Still, he thinks he did nothing wrong to me. Plus, he has lied to me many times, and just recently before we broke up, confessed that he's been selling his blood for 2 years. Also, he put up a face book page with pics of his son all over, but never even mentioned me. He wrote about the trip he and I went on as if he went by himself. No pics of me on facebook. Nothing. Plus, he didn't tell me he had a facebook page. I discovered it by accident. He manipulates and lies and I hate him. I hate him for the hurt he has caused me. I'm the one in pain and he just skated over to the next woman. Now he spends time with her- time he would not spend with me. The whole thing makes me sick.
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 CopingGal, I don't mean to be harsh, especially at a time when you are hurting but you can't question the need of a parent to spend time with his child, and most all make him choose. Granted there should be a healthy balance, if the choice was to include you. His son is his priority and if you didn't want to play second fiddle and felt neglected after several failed attempts to reverse it, then you should have placed boundaries for yourself. There are single parents out there that will happily include you in their lives and their children. If you felt that he was not giving you what you needed you should have left seeing that it was not what you wanted versus trying to force it out of him. That may have caused resentment as well between the two of you, an added to an already unhealthy relationship. Moving forward, if you're seeing red flags everywhere, trying to change a person that's most likely unchangeable, hoping for a situation to work the way you want to for years, you should get out. Most times people don't change and he was never showing you any sign at any time of possibly wanting to accommodate your needs. I'm sorry you are hurting. But count your blessings. You want to be with a man who will openly and happily include you in every aspect of their life. Plus, he lies, feels entitled, selfish and is cold. Nothing about this is what a woman would list as "wants" in her checklist of a potential partner.
Author CopingGal Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Oh no, no, I totally agree that he should make time for his son...I totally agree. But ignoring almost every single phone call I make to him every day? Never taking out time for me except every two weeks to take me to the couple's therapist and hang out that day? No emails, no letters, no phone calls, nothing. But yes, it's good that I got out.
shayla Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 and I have been there and done that. His actions are to manipulate you and to get you used to accepting bread crumbs. He wants you to not call him on weekends? Are you kidding, is this guy married or something? I took care of my 91 year old father (RIP sweetie), my 70 year old mentally retarded sister, and my 17 year old bipolar daughter, and still had time to make a phone call or send a text! Sometimes I even made a phone call that told him that I could not talk to him but was thinking of him! If someone wants to be with you, they will find a way to do it. This man was playing games and manipulating, treating you like sh*t and using his son as an excuse. My ex used to use his daughter....butteruh she is 34 years old. Then he used his mason meetings, but they only meet once a month...and on and on until big suprise he had another woman behind my back. Be grateful you were delivered from this mess called a relationship. I can assure you that in his new relationship, if he isn't acting like this already, he soon will. After all, in his mind he did nothing wrong!
Author CopingGal Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks. Yes, I miss him so much, because in spite of all of that, we had some very good times. But I am worth more than that. I have value. He treated me like I had none. I am glad I left him.
Author CopingGal Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 NC is getting hard. I'm sticking to it. I want to email him so much. In spite of the ridiculous way he acted and all the ways he hurt me, we had really nice times. I miss them. I miss him. But I can't go back to him.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I really think that he was seeing someone else at least for the summer. Sorry to say.
Author CopingGal Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Actually I don't think so. Every summer he is like that. He thinks that summer is for three people: him, his son, and his best friend. It's just that this summer, he went way, way overboard!
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