Urgent! Need some excuses!

[Jacky]

Hi all,

 

Need some urgent advice please, I went to the cinema with the MW (sounds a bit silly, I know. But we thought what are the chances of bumping into people?). But we bumped into some of the BS's colleagues. They never said anything to us but MW is panicking to find excuses if this is mentioned. I can't really think of any excuses.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice/excuses? Thanks

[MissBee]

I don't think there is any excuse to be made in this situation that won't sound like a lie....

 

They are grown individuals who probably aren't stupid, they may even be in an affair themselves or have been before, so can put two and two together. We have probably all spotted people in the office or elsewhere who like each other or are trying to pretend to not be a couple, and they do a poor job of it, even though they do not do anything outlandish like PDA and so on. So being perceptive, I feel like if you saw people you knew, together at the movies, it would be apparent as well, and them making an excuse would probably do more to confirm what you think than dispel it.

 

 

Hopefully they don't bring it up....but even if they don't ask you all about it, they may have talked about it amongst themselves or formulated their own opinions that they didn't mention to anyone. But if they do bring it up, I can truly say I thought of what to say, and everything I can think of, if someone said it to me, I'd probably be like: "....yea....right" *side eye*

 

Maybe they won't bring it up to the BS...or maybe if they do....the BS will be unperceptive enough to believe whatever excuse you find. Otherwise...this may be the beginning of the end of the tryst.

Edited August 3, 2011 by MissBee

[TurboGirl]

Ummmm sorry, but there is no excuse for stupid! :bunny:

 

What were you thinking? Oh, yea, you weren't...were you holding hands? arms around each other?

 

I don't think anyone would buy an excuse anyway.

 

Maybe someone else will give you an excuse... but honestly I can't think of one.

 

Suggest that you start thinking of how you are going to apologize to your Wife...

[2sunny]

advice? your truth. honesty... what a concept! try it out!

[2sunny]

Very well put, I had the same problems regarding to thinking that the person I am in love with is in bed with another person. At times it bugs me but maybe she is doing it to protect the A

 

What, if anything, did you learn from your affair?

I learned that I can actually love a person for who they are.

 

I learned I've been extremely lonely for some reason and can be very pocessive.

 

I learned that patience and effort is very important in a relationship.

 

I learned that people sometimes are not ready to take on any respondsibility for things that they have done. They tend to escape, including myself.

 

Pretend no one got hurt, do you regret the affair?

 

I would never regret the affair, it has given me so much insight to who I am and how we connected. If I can go back and start again, I would still do that same thing. My OW would probably regret the affair coz of the pain it had on both her and me.

 

Guilt - did you have any and if so, for who and why

 

I don't think I have any guilt but I do feel sorry for her because she can't communicate with her husband. He refuses to listen and understand her, shes tried and cannot be bothered anymore so they cannot solve any problems in between them. She refuses to leave him so they will just have to pretend that they are in a happy marriage for the rest of her life. I actually feel sorry for her since she only loves him as a member of the family rather than a lover and she cannot share anything with him because he just doesn't understand.

 

I don't think As are good for marriages, it might feel good when you are in it but it just shows that the love you have for your H has gone away. Your spouse should be the person who is making you feel good about yourself or in other words he should be giving you the attention instead some other person

 

looks like you have been short changing yourself for a LONG time - all based upon your MOW's lies. are you willing to continue to live in her lies? it's a slippery slope... she lies = she lies to you too...

 

if her H (BS) calls you - answer anything honestly. expose her for what she is doing - you owe him that - at least.

[whichwayisup]

Hi all,

 

Need some urgent advice please, I went to the cinema with the MW (sounds a bit silly, I know. But we thought what are the chances of bumping into people?). But we bumped into some of the BS's colleagues. They never said anything to us but MW is panicking to find excuses if this is mentioned. I can't really think of any excuses.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice/excuses? Thanks

 

You two took a chance by going out in public and going to a movie. To think "what are the chances of bumping into people" .. sorry, that's kind of a lame thing to think.. It's a small world out there! Your MW SHOULD be panicking! She's put herself in a situation *the affair* so she has to deal with the fallout if and when others find out, let alone her own spouse.

 

There aren't any excuses. Fact is, you two more or less are busted and I figure it won't be long before your MW is in tears, having to choose between you and her husband.

[Spark1111]

I got nothing.

 

There is no excuse for a MW being out with a man not her husband unless he is a a sibling, a cousin or another close family member.

 

Were there PDAs?

 

I mean people are fairly intuitive. They usually sense if this is your cousin from out of town....or not.

 

Hell, if I was out with my cousin with the full consent of my H, people would probably still gossip.

 

A boyfriend? Yikes. And why is this YOUR problem? It's her problem to deal with.

 

Let her.

[bentnotbroken]

Excuses;

 

1) I left my brain in my other pants.

 

2) Honey she really is a woman trapped in a man's body.

 

3)Man...what man?

 

4) Well this is the first time he has been outside of his home in six years. He is a phobe.

 

5)But I love you.

[whichwayisup]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2242687&postcount=6

 

My advice to you still stands..2 years later!

 

Can I ask why, after 2 years, you're still hanging onto and waiting for this MW to leave her husband and young kids? What are you getting out of this? Do you enjoy being a secret? Having to come up with lies, help her betray and make up excuses as to why you two are together in public? Do you understand that the chances are quite high that she'll throw you under the bus, minimize your affair (though to you it's everything, a real loving relationship, your whole heart is in it, yet to her, it's an affair..She has a life built with someone else and she still LIVES life with her husband and family) and make it seem like you're needy and someone who wouldn't leave her alone? Many MM's and MW's do this to protect their own hide when a D-Day occurs. Be prepared if this hasn't happened already.

[Cabin]

Love how at least 80% of your responses are all BS on the OW/OM forum... this place is ridiculous.

 

Anyway, my advice: do nothing. Trying to come up with a tale would only create more suspicion than necessary. The average colleague that you run into in a public setting isn't going to be psycho-analyzing your interaction.

 

Don't address it at all unless your W comes to you asking about it. You should consider what your answer to her will be at that time. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

[Gentlegirl]

Love how at least 80% of your responses are all BS on the OW/OM forum... this place is ridiculous.

 

Anyway, my advice: do nothing. Trying to come up with a tale would only create more suspicion than necessary. The average colleague that you run into in a public setting isn't going to be psycho-analyzing your interaction.

 

Don't address it at all unless your W comes to you asking about it. You should consider what your answer to her will be at that time. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

 

My bet is that the colleague will be hot on the trail and can't wait to break the bad news.

 

Might be wrong, or maybe she'll spread it around the workplace???

That would be fabulous wouldn't it?

 

Gentlgirl

[MissBee]

The reality is: there is not much damage control that can be done on the OP and his MW's part.

 

Any attempts at damage control will probably lead to even more suspicion. The situation was a very simple and straightforward one. There is not much ambiguity and complexity to it in which one can bend and twist it into something else. Unless of course one resorts to calling the coworkers outright liars and deny, deny, deny...which reminds me of that Shaggy song and all the lines about "Honey came in and she caught me red handed creeping with the girl next door..." and the guy is on about "She saw me banging on the sofa" and Shaggy advises that no matter what she saw with her own two eyes he should insist "It wasn't me". So the MW and the OP could try that. I do not know their partners, and it is possible that some people are more gullible than others. There are things I would never believe in a million years yet others believe them soooo....who's to say what the BS will or won't believe. So denying could work. *shrug*

 

The coworkers may or may not tattle or may run their mouths to anyone who will listen OR one person may tell the wrong person who then tells another wrong person and the entire jar of beans is spilled.....

 

OR the APs may get lucky and find that the coworkers did not actually see them OR suffered sudden onset of amnesia after seeing them...

 

In any case....none of the options leave anything for the OP/APs to do really. Unfortunately, the nature of that incident leaves little in their control. So they just have to hope for the best, prepare for the worst and accept whatever happens.

Edited August 4, 2011 by MissBee

[woinlove]

And why is this YOUR problem? It's her problem to deal with.

 

Let her.

 

I agree with this advice. Wouldn't you prefer if MW was being honest? If so, leave it to her to decide if she wants to continue lying.

[jthorne]

I agree with this advice. Wouldn't you prefer if MW was being honest? If so, leave it to her to decide if she wants to continue lying.

Since she started freaking out over the possibility of being caught, it seems pretty obvious that she wants to continue lying.

 

So if MW loves OM that much, why doesn't she take this golden opportunity to say so?

 

OP, since you're here looking for excuses, if she gets caught, are you going to cover for her and be complicit in gaslighting the BH, or are your going to tell the truth if asked? Frankly, I think that is the better question.

[mopar crazy]

Sorry, but you F@CKED up! Never assume that you will not get caught going out in public w/ the MW. My WH didn't think he would get caught going to a ballgame w/ the OW out of town, but guess what, he did. I got a call the next day from a friend of a friend who seem them together. His excuse "I invited her son, she just happened to come along." WTF? He tried to make me look like it was an innocent outing. I'm not stupid, and I wasn't going to fall for his stupid lies. GL, you are going to need it!

[bentnotbroken]

Sorry, but you F@CKED up! Never assume that you will not get caught going out in public w/ the MW. My WH didn't think he would get caught going to a ballgame w/ the OW out of town, but guess what, he did. I got a call the next day from a friend of a friend who seem them together. His excuse "I invited her son, she just happened to come along." WTF? He tried to make me look like it was an innocent outing. I'm not stupid, and I wasn't going to fall for his stupid lies. GL, you are going to need it!

 

 

Mr. Messy got busted by people he didn't know but who knew me. They had seen pictures of him and my children and recognized him. They didn't tell me, but they sure as hell got the rumor mill in full gear. Left his azz trying to put out wild fires they were spreading at a speed he nor OW could even attempt to control or lie about.

[mopar crazy]

Mr. Messy got busted by people he didn't know but who knew me. They had seen pictures of him and my children and recognized him. They didn't tell me, but they sure as hell got the rumor mill in full gear. Left his azz trying to put out wild fires they were spreading at a speed he nor OW could even attempt to control or lie about.

 

Yep! how stupid can one be? A's are so not worth the consequences for getting caught. If you're gonna be stupid enough to have an A, at least use your brain to make damn sure you are not caught. Going out in public locally? Stupid!

 

I had so many friends calling me about their little outings and they always had some stupid excuse. I didn't buy it.

[MissBee]

Mr. Messy got busted by people he didn't know but who knew me. They had seen pictures of him and my children and recognized him. They didn't tell me, but they sure as hell got the rumor mill in full gear. Left his azz trying to put out wild fires they were spreading at a speed he nor OW could even attempt to control or lie about.

 

Such a small world....you really never know.

 

In that case and the OP's it's really not anything you can control for and like you said, they may not run to the BS, but people talk- to each other or other people and thus the "wildfires" start.

[OWoman]

There is no excuse for a MW being out with a man not her husband unless he is a a sibling, a cousin or another close family member.

 

Really?? :eek: :eek: Wow, people have very different lives and expectations! Everywhere I have lived and worked, that kind of thing happens all the time - with colleagues or male friends. No one would think twice about it if they saw someone out with someone who wasn't her H (or wasn't his W) - they would assume (correctly or otherwise) that it was platonic unless there was evidence to the contrary.

 

If my H goes out with his boss, his office manager or another colleague, I don't give it a moment's thought - and nor does he if I do. There are times when it's appropriate to have your partner/s there, and times when it's not. We trust each other, and other M couples in our circles do too, so there's never any issue about whether or not you get spotted out with anyone.

 

If it was at a movie, the only issue would be what you thought of the movie.

[MissBee]

Really?? :eek: :eek: Wow, people have very different lives and expectations! Everywhere I have lived and worked, that kind of thing happens all the time - with colleagues or male friends. No one would think twice about it if they saw someone out with someone who wasn't her H (or wasn't his W) - they would assume (correctly or otherwise) that it was platonic unless there was evidence to the contrary.

If my H goes out with his boss, his office manager or another colleague, I don't give it a moment's thought - and nor does he if I do. There are times when it's appropriate to have your partner/s there, and times when it's not. We trust each other, and other M couples in our circles do too, so there's never any issue about whether or not you get spotted out with anyone.

 

If it was at a movie, the only issue would be what you thought of the movie.

 

That's all good and well if one isn't out cheating. Then most likely your partner knows, most likely your interactions do not seem suspect and most likely if it goes back to your partner they'd be like "Oh yea...that was his such and such".

 

It is normal not to give it a moment's thought if you trust this person and transparency exists....but evidently, in the OPs case, this is irrelevant as he is in fact cheating , his wife and the MW's husband don't know, they probably were out looking like a couple and not platonic (and that too is the point, most people can judge body language and interaction and pick up on if it is platonic or not, and in the OP's case, if they picked up that it was not platonic, they would not be meddlesome colleagues misconstruing a simple outing between friends, they'd be right)....hence the panic if word gets back.

[fooled once]

:laugh::laugh:

 

Usually only couples go to the movies together. If you and she were seen at the movies, the people who saw you know there is an affair going on. It is one thing to be having drinks at happy hour, its another thing to be seeing a movie or hanging out on a weekend.

 

As for trust :lmao: yeah, no one should think the wife in this scenario is doing anything wrong... I mean, so what if she is out with another man who isn't her husband. Her husband should just trust that she is at the movies with a male companion :lmao:

 

If this is such a great love affair, why not be HONEST? Now she has to lie not only to her husband, but to the people who saw her. When do the lies start? I can't believe people are advising you of new lies to think up or are indignant that these people who saw you two together should think it wasn't anything but 2 buddies watching a movie together! How dare those people suspect an affair!

[SoMovinOn]

Actually, pretty much any excuse will work, especially if this is the first time anything has come up to the BS, especially if he has no suspicions prior to this.

 

People want to believe those they trust. If they see or hear something which appears wrong, they will begin to make excuses for why it isn't what it appears to be. They want to believe everything is fine. If they accept there is a problem, then they have to deal with it, and people hate dealing with problems.

 

The most common phrase for this is "Sticking your head in the sand".

 

I am sure more than a few BS's here can tell you about how many times they saw something and convinced themselves it was something else, how many times they bought a lie, because they wanted to believe everything was OK.

 

So... tell her to come up with anything at all - She decided to go see a movie alone, she ran into you and your GF there. You two invited her to join you.

 

If he says they didn't see your GF, it appeared it was just her and you - your GF must have been in the bathroom at the moment you were seen. You two were waiting for her to come out.

 

Whatever. Like I said. Pretty much anything will work the first time. After that, it may get a bit more difficult.

 

From this point on - don't be seen together and need to make excuses. Walk into a movie, restaurant, hotel room, whatever, separately, then meet inside. If you are somewhere public, you need to appear to not be together.

Edited August 6, 2011 by SoMovinOn

[NoIDidn't]

I don't think you need any excuses, this is her baby to rock. It might come up in conversation that so-in-so saw her with you at the movies and it happens to be the night that she lied to her H and said she was having drinks with a friend. Any excuse or lie dreamed up to get out of a D-day is likely to be met with even more suspicion.

 

 

And people do notice that "trick" where the cheating couple walk in separately and join up together later. LOL. You can just feel the heat and they usually act so suspiciously while doing it. LOL. There is always someone that knows enough about human behavior that will mess up their plan for a clandestine meeting in the lobby or at the curb by walking out at the same time since they were acting so strangely.

[OWoman]

:laugh::laugh:

 

Usually only couples go to the movies together.

 

On which planet is that???? Here on earth, friends go to movies with friends, parents with kids, colleagues with colleagues and yes, existing or potential couples with each other. A movie such as Return of the Flesh-Eating Zombie Assassins is far more likely to attract an audience of 11 year old boys than couples, unless those two preteen boys really are dating and not just the platonic friends they appear to be, as is being suggested?

 

My H and I go to movies together, but so do my son and I - are we then in an incestuous R? Or my (male) colleague and I, who share a taste in movies and in analysing them for hours afterward, that makes it a natural choice for us to go together - are we (unbeknownst to the both of us) actually a couple?? And when I go to movies with a female friend - is she to interpret that as being hit on? Luckily here on earth things are a lot more direct and straightforward - if someone says, shall we go to the movies, they typically mean just that!

[fooled once]

On which planet is that???? Here on earth, friends go to movies with friends, parents with kids, colleagues with colleagues and yes, existing or potential couples with each other. A movie such as Return of the Flesh-Eating Zombie Assassins is far more likely to attract an audience of 11 year old boys than couples, unless those two preteen boys really are dating and not just the platonic friends they appear to be, as is being suggested?

 

My H and I go to movies together, but so do my son and I - are we then in an incestuous R? Or my (male) colleague and I, who share a taste in movies and in analysing them for hours afterward, that makes it a natural choice for us to go together - are we (unbeknownst to the both of us) actually a couple?? And when I go to movies with a female friend - is she to interpret that as being hit on? Luckily here on earth things are a lot more direct and straightforward - if someone says, shall we go to the movies, they typically mean just that!

 

Planet Earth Friends go together, in the open couples go together but don't think people are stupid. They aren't going to convince ANYONE that it was innocent because guess what --- IT WASN'T! Sorry I wasn't 100% clear so that you couldn't understand; my point was good luck convincing a spouse that these 2 didn't intentionally meet up and go to a movie; because AGAIN, it wasn't innocent. Gawd, didn't realize (and damn it I should have) I had to be completely specific. Friends go to the movies, couples go to the movies, parents and kids go to the movies ..... people in affairs obviously go to movies. Guess it is okay that this poster wants ideas on gaslighting a trusting spouse. Disgusting. I personally hope the husband doesn't buy it and throws out the trash. Then the OP can swoop in and pick it up and they can live happily ever after...until his friends tell him they saw his G/F at the movies with some other guy! :laugh::laugh: