kellyisme Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) (no flaming please!) I was dumped about 5 wks ago (via text, I might add) after a 1.5yr affair with a married man. We traveled, had wonderful times together, and he is getting divorced as I write. It was a LDR; I think he decided to test the waters of single life after 28 yrs marriage and 1.5yr affair with me. He is fairly wealthy. I lost my job this past spring. I more than deserved what I got I guess, but it still hurts like hell. I loved him very much, and he dumped me rather abruptly. He had not spoken to me at all, no email, nothing. I was hurt terribly. My brother died in April, I was a wreck, and I guess Mr. Wonderful could not take me at my worst. Anyhooo....here's my question....He had made extra money while gambling on a trip to Vegas...he gave me $1,500 of it, he said I could pay it back whenever I got back on my feet. He won this money last winter, while still living with his wife, but of course she did not know about it. I am usually very conscientious about money, but in light of how he broke it off & how hurt I am, my current unemployment, I have a good mind to just let the debt disappear in mid air, just like he disappeared in mid-air. He had mentioned it via text about a week ago, but I never responded. (following NC! yay me) So LS-ers, what do you think? I really want nothing more to do with this arrogant naricissitic arse. Shall I just forget about the debt? Once I decide to do so, it (and he) will be out of my mind forever. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — MARILYN MONROE Edited August 3, 2011 by kellyisme added author
GorillaTheater Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I understand the temptation to let this guy eat it, but I'm a big believer in standing by my word and repaying debts. Even one like this. As soon as you're in a postion to do so, I'd start making payments. To his wife.
stillafool Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Anyhooo....here's my question....He had made extra money while gambling on a trip to Vegas...he gave me $1,500 of it, he said I could pay it back whenever I got back on my feet. If you agreed to the above, PAY UP because you owe. What does his being married or unmarried have to do with the fact that you agreed it was a loan, not a gift?
2sunny Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 you made an agreement at THAT time to pay it back sometime in the future. i suggest paying it back. then you won't owe him anything... a way of getting YOUR peace of mind back. yes, pay it. send it - no need to communicate other than sending him a money order(s). simply send the money without a word. this will clear your conscience and allow you to move forward without feeling that "you owe him anything."
Nohbody Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 You incurred a debt. I doubt you will ever be compelled to repay it, so it comes down to what kind of person you are, and what kind of conduct is acceptable for you to remain happy with yourself. I'd repay it, but my values are not yours.
Author kellyisme Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 thanks all...I don't want you all to think I don't have a conscience or any set of values...I do. Just needed validation.
sally4sara Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Yes the money should be repaid. A debt is a debt unless one can come to some term otherwise between themselves and the person owed. Now in light of the break up, that he is married, and you're not in any position to immediately pay him back you should discuss his expectation of repayment with him. His expectation may have changed. Because it was a gambling windfall he did not make his spouse aware of and the two of you are broken up, he may wish to forget repayment rather than have you pop back into his life somewhere down the road depending on how long it takes you to be able to come up with the money he loaned you.
2sunny Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 thanks all...I don't want you all to think I don't have a conscience or any set of values...I do. Just needed validation. no need to validate when you're doing the right thing. there's never a question in the mind when you're doing the right thing.
Nohbody Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I don't want you all to think I don't have a conscience or any set of values... Not insinuating that. I'm sure you do. You know what the right thing to do is, and you will feel better after doing it.
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