TheGeminiNotAGemini Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Sorry, this is going to be long. I have been dating a guy for a few years now. He was a friend who helped me through my last (totally horrible, soul crushing) break-up, so I guess that makes him a rebound guy. The relationship has been complicated by the fact that my health and the rest of my life fell to crap during the years we have been together, and he has been wonderful with that as well. There is more than a little feeling that I "owe" him. During the first year he asked me to move to another town with him. I was in a fairly stable situation, other than the fact that my health meant that I was less and less able to take care of myself and keep up with the daily tasks of life. I could pay my bills on my own, and have a little money left over for myself. I had been in a college major that I liked a lot until the medical problems forced me to take a break. Before he asked me to move he talked big about paying off my credit cards, paying for things all of that. When we talked about the move, I told him I could only afford a certain amount per month and no more. He said that that was alright. Fast forward to now; he pays the rent (in two installments a month) and that is it; no, wait, when he decided he wanted cable and not just internet he increased his contribution by the amount needed to pay for the cable (not the cable+internet, just the cable.) He buys almost no food unless he feels like going out to a restaurant. He does no cooking. We have had discussions about cleaning, and he feels that since he works all day and I am home, I should do it (did I mention that my inability to keep up with things like that was one of the reasons he wanted to "rescue me" from my old place?) As for me? Every dime of my income goes to bills and incidentals. In the beginning he wanted to know about all of my medical problems, said he wanted to take me to doctors visits, tests, all of that. Now I can't even get him to take me when he needs to go and it is the same doctor. Instead a close friend of mine has to drive me; I don't know what he thinks we will do when she starts working full time. He has memory problems. He complains about them constantly, says he is going to have tests for them. But any time his memory does not match mine or anyone else's (sometimes multiple people), he insists that his memory must be the one that is correct. He refuses to budge on this issue, and refuses to see the obvious connection between his memory and his memory (I know that that might be a bit tricky to see...) I am no angel myself. I am sarcastic, kind of a booby prize in the health department, and kind of a hermit. He isn't a devil, either; he has been very caring about my medical problems, has come to the emergency room with me countless times. Still, he insists on always being right, that he is paying more than his fair share of money and doing more than his fair share of work, that I am inconsiderate and lazy (although he hasn't used quite those words.) I know that this is a horrible sign for the relationship, but I find myself wanting to be very petty and vindictive. For example, last night we had a discussion about cleaning the toilet, and about how he "shouldn't have to clean anyone else's poo" and how asking him to do it is like messing your pants and handing them to him to clean (apparently his poo is pristine, and drops straight down the drain without ever touching the sides.) Right now I keep having fantasies of separating out his dirty dishes, and telling him that asking someone else to clean it is like spitting on something and asking them to wash it. I know I need to have a serious, calm talk about this if I want to save this relationship, to give him a chance to change. The problem is that I am not calm, and the longer it goes on the less calm I will be. Help!
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