Dims85 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Me and my ex were together for 6 1/2 years and were engaged. We broke up In march and havent spoken since April. I'm curious as to if I should send her a text just saying happy birthday. I can't say for sure If I'm expecting anything from her or not but i want some input from you guys if I should text her or not. We were together for a long time and I still care for her as a person but I don't see us getting back together. A part of me also doesn't want to break the NC I have had for so long now. Any input would be appreciated, thanks
Kilty Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 No No And Thrice No Reason being :- Read your previous posts
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Me and my ex were together for 6 1/2 years and were engaged. We broke up In march and havent spoken since April. I'm curious as to if I should send her a text just saying happy birthday. I can't say for sure If I'm expecting anything from her or not but i want some input from you guys if I should text her or not. We were together for a long time and I still care for her as a person but I don't see us getting back together. A part of me also doesn't want to break the NC I have had for so long now. Any input would be appreciated, thanks I'll get on the NO bandwagon. NO NO NO. Just sit and imagine for a bit. You type a text. You hit send. You feel good only for two seconds. Then the waiting starts. Checking the phone every two minutes. Did she read it? Did she see it? Why isn't she saying anything? One day goes by. Still nothing. Then you come back here with a post asking why she didn't respond or regretting you broke NC. That anxiousness is not worth it Dim. And even if she answers with thanks, then what?? You can care for her as a person. But when you are emotionally still attached, and don't say you are not, the best thing to do is keep yourself out of any scenario that will only jeopardize all you have worked for. Don't fish. You don't know what is going to bite. As Kilty said, go back and read your old posts.
YuGr. Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I don't know much about you're relationship as I haven't been on here for long (as you can tell). IF and only IF you're able to text her without expecting absolutely anything in return then I think you should go for it. Don't make it get your hopes up, if you think for a second that it will then I have to agree with geegirl. 6 and a half year relationship and was engaged, I think saying happy birthday is not such a horrible thing. If I'd be in her shoes, I'd sure be glad to hear that. And the no contact thing is to make you move on and feel better. It's been 4 months already.. On this forum it seems like everyone turns it into some sort of pride thing that they don't want to break, what is this a video game high score? Just MY opinion.
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 And the no contact thing is to make you move on and feel better. It's been 4 months already.. On this forum it seems like everyone turns it into some sort of pride thing that they don't want to break, what is this a video game high score? Just MY opinion. It may be 4 months and to most of us looking from the outside, it may seem like it's enough time not to be affected by a response or non-response. But if he has to come on a forum to ask if it is wise to wish an ex Happy Birthday, simple gesture at that, it's pretty apparent that his uncertainty is a sign that he is still emotionally attached. It's better to be sure you are indifferent and know that there is no possibility of being sucked in again and then show your care versus standing the chance of feeling remotely bad about your actions. If she cares for him, she will accept and be happy to hear from him when he is ready. It's not a pride thing, but putting your well being first, especially in a situation that he's been struggling in for a long time. Read his story. Send a wish, but only when you can deal with the results. If you have to come here and ask, you have your answer right there.
antinko Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I gave my ex a card and a gift and, honestly, I think she was put out that I did. In my opinion, don't bother. Lol, the amount of mistakes I made all with good intentions is quite tragically amusing. Tbh, I think NC is just the best idea all round...
YuGr. Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I completely agree with you geegirl. But I think that if he feels like he can do send her a simple ''Happy Birthday!'' text on its own without expecting anything back nor getting his hopes up, then to do it. Personally if it was my ex's birthday right now (which I have my whole story of my own) I would ask on the forum anyways to see people's input, but I know that I could text her happy birthday without hoping to get anything back.. So to each their own. I say do it if you know you can, don't if you think it'll just get you to a place you don't want to be.
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) I completely agree with you geegirl. But I think that if he feels like he can do send her a simple ''Happy Birthday!'' text on its own without expecting anything back nor getting his hopes up, then to do it. Personally if it was my ex's birthday right now (which I have my whole story of my own) I would ask on the forum anyways to see people's input, but I know that I could text her happy birthday without hoping to get anything back.. So to each their own. I say do it if you know you can, don't if you think it'll just get you to a place you don't want to be. Completely agree. If you know you won't be affected by a response or non-response, then you're probably safe to do it. But he did say he is not sure of his expectations, and that in itself is not worth gambling on. And when you question whether it is a good idea to break NC, it is telling. Deep down, you know why. Edited August 4, 2011 by geegirl
YuGr. Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Lol.. I feel like a jerk.. I don't mean to confuse you're decision Dim.. Only my opinion which isn't worth anything more than any of the other members which all have good points as well. In the end, I just think that IF you don't mind not getting a response, and you're 110% sure of that. Then what does the NC streak breaking change in any of this? It's not like the next morning you'll feel any differently just because you texted her 'Happy Birthday!'.. if she doesn't reply you keep on going with the NC rule... and that's that. Personally, after 4 months of no contact I would do it, I'd have to give it a try and see. If you're in a messed up place and still heartbroken and it's still that severe, then absolutely do not text her anything.
Author Dims85 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 Thanks for your responses everybody, I decided to just not text her. I was thinking that yea I feel good about where I'm at but deep down I'm not sure what it will do if I do start talking with her or text her again so I'm just gonna avoid it all together. Better to be safe than sorry and I have no obligation to her anymore so what does it matter if I text her or not it's not like we can argue about it Tomorrow lol.
ConfusedT Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 dont follow my actions, because i am struggling with following NC myself, BUT i'm happy you decided NOT to text her! Show your strength through your actions!
YuGr. Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Thanks for your responses everybody, I decided to just not text her. I was thinking that yea I feel good about where I'm at but deep down I'm not sure what it will do if I do start talking with her or text her again so I'm just gonna avoid it all together. Better to be safe than sorry and I have no obligation to her anymore so what does it matter if I text her or not it's not like we can argue about it Tomorrow lol. Wise choice if you weren't sure. Shows how much you must've progressed!
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