Anela Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Okay, here's my happy crap: Last night I was chatting with my BF. I was asking him how he felt about having a GF going through menopause. (So far, not many symptoms, but I'm 50, so it's not too far off). I said something along the lines of "it sucks, huh?" He replied, "no, not at all, in fact experiencing lifes changes with you kind of excites me." I thought that was soooo sweet... :love: I love that! I'm not in love, but I'm feeling good today, and listening to this happy crap:
Author torn_curtain Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 *his almond shaped brown eyes and his olive skin *how he texts/calls/emails me all the time just to share a new idea or a work in progress that he's excited about *how he loves to listen to me ramble, even when I'm half asleep and barely coherent *his ability to sum up the essence of anything in a few words *how effortlessly he communicates even about serious issues *how supportive he is when I have a bad day *how we see the same spark in each other's eyes *how he is honest and assertive to a fault and will always state his opinion even if it means disagreeing
Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I'm getting married next month! WHAT!?!?!? Why am I finding this out HERE, woman?!?!?! CONGRATS!!!!!!
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 so happy... Love the song....you so deserve it
Author torn_curtain Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) I'm happy that you are in love and that it's mutual. I also met my bf online and it took a while before we could meet, because of conflicting travel schedules, but I was pretty darn certain that it would be for real. It was. Still, I have to caution you. Stuff like the bolded: strong, masculine, assertive and decisive, energetic, nurturing, charming--qualities that most women like--but he has that something more...depth in his eyes, like he really SEES the world and sees me. He has a strong bull**** detector. That's the trait that matters to me most and it's so, so hard to find. He oozes natural charisma and can hold the attention of a crowded room if he wants it but he chooses not to because he values something more. I do not believe you can POSSIBLY have an inkling about until you are interacting with a person in real life among other people and in real life situations. For example, how do you know he can hold the attention of a crowded room? Did he tell you that? How can you know that he has a "strong bs detector," which is your most valued quality? Because he says so, or because he can tell when YOU are bsing? Anyway, he might very well have all these qualities but your attributing them to him without meeting him or knowing him in real life might not be a very propitious way to begin. Too much, too soon without allowing for anything to be learned or revealed, and a possible set-up for disappointments. Congrats on getting married! How exciting! I hear what you're saying and agree with a lot of your points. Still I think people underestimate how close to meeting face to face video chat is. I've met a couple of people like htis--not romantic prospects--and they were just like they came across over video. Still I could be totally off my rocker. I'm not ruling that out! If I am and he turns out to be totally psycho at least this will make a good story. Edited August 6, 2011 by torn_curtain
Author torn_curtain Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 Love the song....you so deserve it Thank you!
Author torn_curtain Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) I'm happy that you are in love and that it's mutual. I also met my bf online and it took a while before we could meet, because of conflicting travel schedules, but I was pretty darn certain that it would be for real. It was. Can you tell me more about this was like if you don't mind my asking? How long were you talking and did you feel like you were in love before you met? It sounds like you were probably more level-headed than I've been. I do not believe you can POSSIBLY have an inkling about until you are interacting with a person in real life among other people and in real life situations. For example, how do you know he can hold the attention of a crowded room? Did he tell you that? How can you know that he has a "strong bs detector," which is your most valued quality? Because he says so, or because he can tell when YOU are bsing? Anyway, he might very well have all these qualities but your attributing them to him without meeting him or knowing him in real life might not be a very propitious way to begin. Too much, too soon without allowing for anything to be learned or revealed, and a possible set-up for disappointments. There are a couple of videos of him online interacting with other people at an event--not in a crowded room but in a small group. So I based my assumption on that and it also meshes with what he's told me about his past and social habits. I mean that he picks up the BS in other people well--I've seen this many times. He's very perceptive. I don't BS him--I've really made an effort to be as genuine as I can and more forthcoming than I usually am at the beginning of relationships. That's been sort of scary for me since I'm not an open book kind of person but he makes me want to give myself completely. Edited August 6, 2011 by torn_curtain
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 We talked (on the phone) for about 3 months before we met. He would call me every night, but we usually only stayed on the phone for a short while. I believed he was "my man" but I reserved all final judgements, absolutely. I had butterflies and all of that but I would not even go to the "I love him" place; not so much as one step in that direction. There would be plenty of time for that when we could spend time together. I believed I was getting to know a lot about him, but did NOT believe I really knew him. Fortunately, both he and I believed the same way about that stuff and both of us maintained very healthy boundaries about it during the time we were getting to know each other. We were kind of courting, old fashioned style, but on the phone. It would have corresponded with taking a walk in town together every night, or sitting on the porch swing in front of the family home. I believe very strongly that a HUGE sense of intimacy that is inherently false can easily develop over computers. It might or might not hold up when people actually try to merge real lives together. Lots of people do that style of intimacy exactly for that reason - they are not going to really have intimacy (not using "intimacy" as a synonym for "sex" here) IRL. They may not intend things to be that way, but they are.
Cee Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I like how this thread contains intertwined and parallel conversations. There really is something to talk about on the positive aspects of love (and singlehood). Sometimes it's good to vent. Other times it's nice to gush. Glad I have good company for that.
Author torn_curtain Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 We talked (on the phone) for about 3 months before we met. He would call me every night, but we usually only stayed on the phone for a short while. I believed he was "my man" but I reserved all final judgements, absolutely. I had butterflies and all of that but I would not even go to the "I love him" place; not so much as one step in that direction. There would be plenty of time for that when we could spend time together. I believed I was getting to know a lot about him, but did NOT believe I really knew him. Fortunately, both he and I believed the same way about that stuff and both of us maintained very healthy boundaries about it during the time we were getting to know each other. We were kind of courting, old fashioned style, but on the phone. It would have corresponded with taking a walk in town together every night, or sitting on the porch swing in front of the family home. I believe very strongly that a HUGE sense of intimacy that is inherently false can easily develop over computers. It might or might not hold up when people actually try to merge real lives together. Lots of people do that style of intimacy exactly for that reason - they are not going to really have intimacy (not using "intimacy" as a synonym for "sex" here) IRL. They may not intend things to be that way, but they are. You approached your relationship in a safer way than my guy and I have. I do have doubts about us saying that we love each other. Even though we both feel it right now--I don't know if it will hold up in real life. There are too many variables to predict. But at this point what's done is done and I feel like stopping the ILY would just shake things up and make him worry. It's not exactly something you can retract once it's been said to be safe...especially when you do feel it. So I'm not sure I see a way out without messing up what we have. In other words for better or worse I've already crossed that emotional line that you never did and invested myself, so I might as well be true to what I'm feeling now.
eerie_reverie Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I'm happy too. :bunny: It's funny, there's not much to say about about my relationship. After all the years I've spent analyzing guys, I don't have any questions about this one. He's a good, solid guy, we have the best time together, and most importantly, I feel myself around him. He sees me as I am - and likes me for the right reasons. Not for my flaws. Not for my strengths. But because there is all the comfort of being alone when we're together. There are none of the usual facades, which have made me distrust almost every man in my past. For 2 introverts, this might be the most important thing.
Cee Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 eerie reverie, I can relate. There's not much to talk about with my boyfriend either. It's peaceful. I can't even bring myself to pick a fight or overanalyze. It seems like throwing a big rock in a placid pond. I wish there were more relationships threads on here, but I can't think of anything to say.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 In other words for better or worse I've already crossed that emotional line that you never did and invested myself, so I might as well be true to what I'm feeling now. I agree, and I'm not advocating that you try to backpedal. I would, though, suggest that you put some boundaries upon how much you allow yourself to believe you know all the minute details about him like you expressed in your original post. He very well might have every quality exactly as you described. He might be quite a bit different from that. You will be much happier getting to know him, and giving it some time to develop naturally, when he comes to where you live. Plus, if he turns out to be not exactly like you'd envisioned him to be, you won't have to reconcile with that.
Recommended Posts