cantaloupe Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me 6 days ago. I was totally blindsided. We had been fighting for the past month (he was taking his stress out on me while studying for the bar exam). We had a big fight, he broke up with me, and then blocked me from his phone. I asked him on Monday to unblock me. He did. Monday we talked for over two hours and texted. Yesterday we texted and played phone tag. Today we've already talked for two hours. He called me at 8 am because he wanted to talk. Most of it is just best friend chit chat. Maybe 1/6 of the talking has been about why he broke things off. He has told me he broke up with me because of the fighting. I asked why we couldn't work on being together and not fight, especially because that main stressor of the bar exam has been removed. He said that he wants to not fight and to be single. He doesn't want to chase or be chased. (I also asked him if he would promise not to date anyone else- kind of trying to test the boundaries here. He said he couldn't promise that but that he had no intention of dating another girl anytime soon.) Here is where it gets weird. We are currently doing long distance but in August we are both moving to the same town. We've had periods in our relationship where we were not long distance, periods where we were. We know what it's like to spend every day together for months at a time, etc. We had talked about living together, and planned on it, but it never fully panned out. We were going to talk about it this past weekend but he broke up with me beforehand. Anyway, we are going to the town for different reasons. I'm already working there, he is moving there for school. The weird part: He is moving there tomorrow.... and I am going to help him move. We are even going to have a "platonic sleepover" in which I bring an air mattress so we sleep separately and then we will explore the town together. Trust me, it really is going to be platonic. What in the world is going on between us? Why the heck does he still talk to me for very extended periods of time? Why does he want me to hang out, explore, and spend the night? He knows I still love him and want to be with him. He also hasn't told anyone that he broke up with me. Is this normal? Any insight?
Author cantaloupe Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 An additional side note: He wouldn't let anyone else he knows help him move, not even family. He's crazy about his family so this was pretty surprising to me.
Author cantaloupe Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 It just hit me: Is he using me for comfort as he transitions to a city he is unfamiliar with? I am more comfortable there than he is. At first I thought he really just wanted to be with me still and was in denial. (Why else would he be talking to me so much? He's even sent me text messages and a facebook message after our conversation this morning.) Maybe I'm really the one in denial. I'd seriously love any feedback people have on this situation.
2sunny Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 if it were me? i'd tell him no way - no help - he dumped you - and you are going back and being his doormat! let his family help! if you're not good enough to date now - why are you good enough to use you for moving and sight seeing? he's crapping all over you - and you are asking for more. stop that! he's got you as his back burner gal - so he can find another hottie for his front burner! tell him no way! no more!
Author cantaloupe Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 stop that! he's got you as his back burner gal - so he can find another hottie for his front burner! tell him no way! no more! This part leaves me with some honest questions- Would a guy really go to the extent of keeping in contact with a girl for several hours a day if they were just on the back burner? Why wouldn't he just go out and find someone new?
2sunny Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 This part leaves me with some honest questions- Would a guy really go to the extent of keeping in contact with a girl for several hours a day if they were just on the back burner? Why wouldn't he just go out and find someone new? yes, he would! IF he intended to make you his ONE and ONLY - he'd be telling you that and that only! he also would be swimming through shark infested waters to be sure you know it. he's toying with you and your emotions... stop ALLOWING him to do that. tell him no more contact... you need to heal and in order to get past him - you need no communication at all! it will leave room for healing - then a man who wants all of you - just the way you are!
Author cantaloupe Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Ugh, you're right. He would be fighting for me if he wanted me. It seems like such a waste of time/life to keep someone on the back burner! I don't really understand why people would do such a thing.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 What in the world is going on between us? Why the heck does he still talk to me for very extended periods of time? Why does he want me to hang out, explore, and spend the night? He knows I still love him and want to be with him. He also hasn't told anyone that he broke up with me. Is this normal? Any insight? Better yet, whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are you looking back at a 'boyfriend' of 5 1/2 years' duration who would "block you from his phone" ??
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