Hivona Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I have always been super insecure due to family history growing up. Not abuse but my family always moved around, no stability, & I was naturally a shy, reserved person. Well, now as I am 29 yrs old, it seeps into my relationships. Most recently I met an awwwesome guy! we've been dating about 5 weeks. Its kind of long distance. I feel we click on many levels. He is 42 so he's not a baby. He has a house, a good job he is happy with, a very positive outlook on life, busy with work, house, hobbies. He told me after 2-3 weeks that I "make his heart race, he can't say he's falling in love with me just yet but falling for me, I excite him, I'm so smart & fun....etc" BUT his actions always backed up his words. He really made me feel that he thought I was someone special. Now some of my personal issues: I feel with all the guys I date that quickly we fall into a rut. a rut of he comes down to see me, we are intimate, then we are tired & just stay in & watch movies or fall asleep. The "dating" falls by the way side quickly & then I start to feel like a friend with benefits. I don't want this with this guy!!! He's is tooo good for that! This past weekend he was on his way to see me at 7pm. I got out of work late so he said he'd see me for 8pm. already I was getting frustrated & grumpy because of work. I finally made it home & he calls saying he is about 20-30 minutes away. He could hear in my voice that I was grumpy. (he is also the kind of person that is always late, not just for me but for everything about 10 minutes late) I told him "I apologize but yes I am frustrated because of work, & now it's setting our whole night back & when he gets here we will probably just screw & then not go out to see the movie we planned." He was a lil surprised & said ok we wont screw lol. So he arrives & I can't keep my hands off of him! we are intimate & then go out to see our movie. We had a nice time! Next morning he drops me off at work, everything seems ok. He says, half joking, thanks for giving me a complex about not screwing right away then pulling me into the bedroom... I tried to explain that I was just worried that we would fall into this rut I get into where the dating stops & its just sex. I said "I want more than that with you, I want to date & do things. The sex is great & I will definitely keep doing that but I don't want that to be the only thing we have." He smiled & agreed that he wanted to do things too, sex isn't the only thing for us. Now, me being as insecure as I am, I am worried that I may have started something in his mind... maybe turned him off a bit. I don't know. this happened this past saturday. We played phone tag on sunday & monday. Tuesday we only texted 3-4 messages. I was supposed to go up to see him today, wednesday, and he just sent me a text saying he will probably stay till 7 pm tonight & we may need to reschedule.... This only happened once before. But I am soooo nervous that this is the beginning of the end. He seems like he may be in a comfort zone already. For awhile he called me often, of his own accord. Then the calls diminished & he would text all the time. I said I missed hearing his voice, so he has been calling a bit more. I don't know if that means anything.... He seems like such a grounded, understanding, mature guy. I just don't understand why I am not allowed to have a moment of being grumpy. I feel like I may have messed things up. Over all I haven't been acting needy, or crazy. I am happy & smiley with him. SAturday night was the first time I wasn't my cheerful self... I'm speculating with all of this. As of yet I can't really say that his actions are showing anything other than him being busy like he has been. I think I need to get more hobbies or things in my life so I am not as available to him maybe. I just don't know how to go with the flow of things. I over analyze everything!!! I worry & I obsess, mostly to my girlfriends but I bet the guys ive dated can pick up on it somewhat. I need to learn how to just relax! Maybe he really is just busy this week & it has no bearing on how I was saturday evening (which it was only about 20 mintues, my attitude picked up when he arrived, i wasnt sullen all night)... How do I relax??!! Did I really mess things up or start him questioning his feelings for me already????
Author Hivona Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Dasein, you absolutely correct. I do agree with you & I am finally seeing the pattern & I know that I need to try to do things a little differently but I am just not quite sure how. I guess I have a few things I need to work on. 1. My insecurity in thinking every time something doesn't go as it had ie if he texted every morning & then one morning he doesnt, I think this means he isnt as interested as he was... 2. I know that its definitely not all his responsibility to plan the dates but I am finally realizing this dating rut I always fall into! I need to I guess be more aware of my actions.. 3. I need to learn to relax. 4. I need to have other activities in my life. I know a guy isn't the end all be all but I think I still focus on them too much....
dispatch3d Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Well, at least you are self aware. Start looking for signs that you are getting insecure, and figuring out ways to curb it before it goes full blown insecure. Kinda like you see the leak, are like yeah a leak I see that now, then you just kinda leave it alone and it should plug itself. Like "Oh, I'm just thinkin this cuz I'm getting insecure. Let's go pick dafadils.".
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