Why do small things hurt the most ?

[BrokenFool]

My ex changed her facebook profile pic yet again - i think this is the 7th in the last 2 months - she didnt do this many in the whole 3 years together, cant help but feeling shes trying to bait me into missing her and contacting her

Anyhow I know i shouldnt check and I am breaking NC when i do but i did and she had changed it to a new pic of her , not wearing the watch I bought her which she wore for 3 years

and that killed - i wont lie guys it broke me and i couldnt sleep last night

prompted me to miss her and so today i rang her work phone private number - now she never answers private number calls and i was 100% expecting it to go to her voicemail - listen to her recording and thats it

to my amazement she picked up on the 2nd ring and said hello xxxxx

i teared up i put the phone down

now i cant help but wonder maybe she had picked up cos she hoped it would be me and had i stayed on the line maybe she would have said something

this has set me back

need some opinions / advice please guys

[Arikel]

My ex changed her facebook profile pic yet again - i think this is the 7th in the last 2 months - she didnt do this many in the whole 3 years together, cant help but feeling shes trying to bait me into missing her and contacting her

Anyhow I know i shouldnt check and I am breaking NC when i do but i did and she had changed it to a new pic of her , not wearing the watch I bought her which she wore for 3 years

and that killed - i wont lie guys it broke me and i couldnt sleep last night

prompted me to miss her and so today i rang her work phone private number - now she never answers private number calls and i was 100% expecting it to go to her voicemail - listen to her recording and thats it

to my amazement she picked up on the 2nd ring and said hello xxxxx

i teared up i put the phone down

now i cant help but wonder maybe she had picked up cos she hoped it would be me and had i stayed on the line maybe she would have said something

this has set me back

need some opinions / advice please guys

 

 

I don't know your history .. so I guess it depends on why you guys broke up. If you really want to get over her, my advice would be to BE STRONG and not give in to temptation. I recently caught my ex cheating, and even though it hurts me like hell, I still wish we could be together and I just want to ignore it and pretend it never happened, and I just want to drop him a text to see how its going like everything is ok. But I know thats beyond ridiculous, and I just have to be strong and not pick up the phone.

 

So be strong too! Take a breath, think of why you broke up, and just stick to your decision. Go for a run, leave your mobile at home. That will clear your head

[BrokenFool]

SedatedCalamity - You dont know me so you cant really judge me , everybody is different, i dont hurt anymore over the fact she doesnt love me or want to be with me i just dont feel what happened between us warranted the ending where i cant even drop her a text

i dont enjoy hurting myself trust me i dont but i get your point by looking at her facebook and obsessing that is all i am doing but i miss her , is that so so hard to understand

i loved her to bits and i miss her

i am currently in NC 18 weeks before that NC 7 weeks before that always 1-2 weeks broken by either her or me - but if you class as looking at her facebook as breaking NC then i guess im still on day 1

i know i am hurting only myself but i so want to speak to her it hurts

 

Arikel - im sorry to hear what you have been through, maybe you can understand me better, the world is full of hate and hateful people and i am not one of them, even if she doesnt want to be with me or doesnt want to be friends fair enough but to pretend like we dont exist or never were together i cant do that

i do keep myself busy and occupied and hence havent contacted her , today was the first time i rang her private number in 18 weeks so i am making progress

but i cant lie im not healed yet i need more time

[Pelican Paw]

Firstly, cut yourself some slack. Getting over a breakup is not easy but whenever I do something silly that after the fact (and sometimes before ) I have known was not the best move, I have tried not over analysed it and find that the less fuss I make about it in my head the easier I am to move past it quicker. Do the same, I think it will help. I also don't think that there are hard and fast rules when it comes to breakups because we are all different and so were our relationships and reasons for breaking up. The only really thing that is the same is that it hurts like hell for a while. Personally, I was NC with my ex (we went out for 5+ years) for about a month or so and then we started chatting again, not in an attempt to reconcile but just being civil and because I suppose we do still care for one another on a level. I found that it was easier getting over him emotionally whilst still being in contact. Just knowing that I could pick up the phone and call him about non-relationship stuff made it easier and made me not want to call him or, even worse, obsess about it. I found it quite easy to look back on our relatioship objectively. I think that thsi may only be possible when you acknowledge that the relationship is truly over and you have no expectations and, of cos as long as they haven't told you to not contact them.

[Mack05]

Dude you need professional help. Your thought process is bizarre to say the last..Really these are not the thought process of a healthy person. I think u need to talk to a professional..

[Arikel]

Your nc timelines are getting longer ! Today you broke contact, thats ok, everyone has their moment of weakness, and theres nothing wrong with slipping. You just have to get up and go harder. Next time, you can maintain NC for 25 weeks or even more, and then you'll move on and it will stop hurting and putting you in that situation where you are 'In NC'. It will just be moving on naturally

 

Hang in there ok, I know it sucks! but we will heal

[Pelican Paw]

Dude you need professional help. Your thought process is bizarre to say the last..Really these are not the thought process of a healthy person. I think u need to talk to a professional..

Mack05 - I haven't been on this site long but i notice that you seem to dish out a lot of comments like this - usually you quote "therapy" which i find someone insensitive considering 1. I assume you originally came here because of a breakup so should know how c(#* it feels and 2. you don't know the people you are saying this too.

[BrokenFool]

Mack - I dont find your comments helpful at all if professional help was the answer to everything then this site wouldnt exist we would all break up get professional help and be ok again, you yourself wouldnt be on this site, after having received your professional help you would have been fit and raring to go yet your on this site so maybe you need to follow your own advice

sometimes in life you just have to live through the pain and let time do its thing - its been 6 months and thats not enough for me theirs nothing wrong in that

nobody on this site wants to lose their love, have sleepless nights, not be able to eat, work, function - nobody would choose that for themselves and neither have i chose it

Pelican Paw - thank you maam

Arikel - thank you for your input, yes my NC has got longer and longer to the point where once she put me on a 2 week break ( i did to her aswell) and that 2 weeks was hell yet i knew if i had to i could contact her and would get a response , so to have practically been NC since Jan 5th and broken ONCE for a period of a week i think i have done quite well

before i broke NC in march it had been 7 weeks NC and she said to a mutual friend i was shocked he didnt contact me so imagine how much i have shocked her now by not contacting her for 18 weeks - and not responding to the private number calls etc

SedatedCalamity - I know you mean well bro everybody on this site does and sometimes no matter how much it hurts the truth stings

to be honest i really dont know myself why my heart still yearns for her , i have somebody i could get into a relationship with tmrw if i wanted who tops my ex in every department but she isnt my ex and my heart cant be fooled

i dont want to hurt anymore and ive settled with my heart that we will never be a couple ever again but i suppose like everybody i want answers

why/how she could dump me so cruely for asking her have you met somebody else ( because she was on a online dating site) a question which she had asked me a couple of months prior

did i deserve to be cut down like a dog and ignored - did the 3 years i gave her mean nothing - i know these are questions i will never get answers to and closure comes from within but this is what probably troubles me most

she has done little things to give me hints she thinks about me but im worth more than that

even today was progress i know for fact on her work phone she doesnt answer private number calls in the 3 years we were together she never did when we broke up she never did yet today 2 days after i myself received 2 private number calls she picked up at the second ring - i wish i had held on to the line in case she would have said something but ill never know now.

sometimes when you sit on the other end of the screen reading these stories and commenting it seems like just words

but to me you guys opinions/support is what keeps me going, keeps me strong and i truly value it

i would have broke a long time ago without you guys so thank you

[antinko]

Have you considered that your ex might be healing herself and simply wants to not think about anything that reminds her of you? It may not be personal in a negative way, but rather simply a coping mechanism for her.

 

Important thing to do is to simply maintain NC. I've been enjoying the benefits of NC and, although I know it'll get hard at times because I still miss my ex, it does help restore your dignity and self respect. Don't let her take that away from you.

[usabup]

Mack- you seem to think everybody needs professional help if they still have feelings for an ex anything past a couple of months. If you really loved someone, its natural to still think about them or want to see them. Real love can last in somebody for a lifetime.

 

From what I understand, this fella isn't showing up at her front door or following her to work. He is capable of going months with NC. Just every now and then he has the odd week where he see's a picture or has a thought about her and it upsets him. Perfectly fine and natural if you ask me. Its not "unhealthy" at all. Granted, its not a good thing because the man wants to get over her but still, its in no way helpfull coming on her spouting your rubbish about needing professional help.

 

I personally think the people that need professional help are the ones that bounce from one relationship to the next without any bad feelings at all!

 

But hey, that's just me!

[stillafool]

After a breakup, spying = more PAIN. Stop spying if you want to heal.

[Mack05]

Dude you need professional help. Your thought process is bizarre to say the last..Really these are not the thought process of a healthy person. I think u need to talk to a professional..

 

Ok people are right to be a little annoyed at me, as this is actually a poor post. Kind of pointless. Let me elaborate. Firstly I don't believe everyone on LS needs to see a therapist. That's silly. But I do come across LS posters I feel that do need to, as I see very similiar behavourial patterns as to what I went through myself. I have been to a therapist, but my problems were more then just the breakup of a relationship. I know it helped me enormously and I feel it could help broken, but why did I suggest it for Broken?

 

We at some stage have suffered broken hearts. When we are in shock our thought process is all over the place. That's the case for everyone and it doesn't mean you should run to a Therapist. What normally happens is that you spend between 1-6 months grieving for a relationship. According to the experts (books I have read) people tend to start healing and seeing things different after about 2 months, after they have been through the grief cycle. The Grief Cycle is -> Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Of course 2 months isn't the same for everyone, but appaerently its the average. Some grieve quicker, some don't grieve at all, some grieve for years.

 

This is a post by Broken on June 9th, which I made a proper reply too. It's very similiar, with this thought process all over the place -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281730/. If I look at your profile you have been posting since February. Broken have you been posting about the same girl? I believe you are. If that's the case you haven't moved on an iota in 6 months.

 

Broken I am sure you are a perfectly healthy normal good guy. The reason I feel Therapy would be really beneficial for you, is because it will help you with your thought process. It will help you piece all this together. It will help you think clearer and most important, it will help you move on with your life.

 

I honestly didn't mean to be insulting mate. Thats not my style. Just want to see you make progress.

Edited August 3, 2011 by Mack05

[usabup]

Ok people are right to be a little annoyed at me, as this is actually a poor post. Kind of pointless. Let me elaborate. Firstly I don't believe everyone on LS needs to see a therapist. That's silly. But I do come across LS posters I feel that do need to, as I see very similiar behavourial patterns as to what I went through myself. I have been to a therapist, but my problems were more then just the breakup of a relationship. I know it helped me enormously and I feel it could help broken, but why did I suggest it for Broken?

 

We at some stage have suffered broken hearts. When we are in shock our thought process is all over the place. That's the case for everyone and it doesn't mean you should run to a Therapist. What normally happens is that you spend between 1-6 months grieving for a relationship. According to the experts (books I have read) people tend to start healing and seeing things different after about 2 months, after they have been through the grief cycle. The Grief Cycle is -> Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Of course 2 months isn't the same for everyone, but appaerently its the average. Some grieve quicker, some don't grieve at all, some grieve for years.

 

This is a post by Broken on June 9th, which I made a proper reply too. It's very similiar, with this thought process all over the place -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281730/. If I look at your profile you have been posting since February. Broken have you been posting about the same girl? I believe you are. If that's the case you haven't moved on an iota in 6 months.

 

Broken I am sure you are a perfectly healthy normal good guy. The reason I feel Therapy would be really beneficial for you, is because it will help you with your thought process. It will help you piece all this together. It will help you think clearer and most important, it will help you move on with your life.

 

I honestly didn't mean to be insulting mate. Thats not my style. Just want to see you make progress.

 

Good reply