HalfAlive22 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 H and I have been trying ti work on our marriage after many infedelities on his part,at one point i was strong and left and srarted divorce proceedings,somehow I bought into his act of changing,he did everything right so i decided ti try again. I dont believe hes cheated,but the other night we we were comming home from a night out. He drank a lot that night and out of the blue he started yelling at me about something so stupid i dont even remember now, but he punced me in the head a bunch if times and pulled his radio off the dash and threw it at me i began bleeding like crazy so if course he got scared and apologuzed and tried to help me,it turned out i have a concussion. I dont jniw what to do this is not the first time things got physical. I didnt want to call the cops because he knows them and i dont want him to loose his job,i cant tell anyone and weve come all this way, if course now he says he will quit drinking,the thing is he really doesnt drink a lot and its happend without alcohol involved im so lost what the hell am i going to do?
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Sorry fir the typos still a little foggy:(
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I think you know what to do, I just don't think you want to do it. The guy you want to stay married to does not exist - the only man you have is one who will continue to hurt you if you continue to do nothing about it. Will he lose his job? His standing in the community? His friends? Perhaps this is what it will take for him to get his act together and start a process of making REAL changes, not just half assed ones that are only designed to placate you. If you love him and want to really see the two of you built up again, it will take some tearing down to the ground first. You can't rebuild a marriage on a rotten foundation. Don't let your fear stand in the way of getting the help you need, and getting him the help he needs. Neither one of you will get it if you continue to hide it. In fact, he'll just get worse - because he can.
PatFinkle Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Call the cops. He is a criminal and the next time he might kill you. --Pat F
Tech_E Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Call the cops. He is a criminal and the next time he might kill you. --Pat F Absolutely agree. This is domestic violence, please go somewhere safe and let the police deal with him.
ladydesigner Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Never stay with a domestic violent partner. Please leave. I echo what everyone else has said.
Severely Unamused Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Your behaviour is quite common for a domestic violence victim. The cycle of living in fear of your abuser, then sympathising with him. Is that how you are feeling? Please call the police. You may wish to find your nearest women's refuge as well. I would also recommend seeing a therapist. No doubt that your husband has destroyed your self-esteem through the years. Unfortunately, due to your vulnerable mental state, I believe that there is a high possibility that you won't do any of this. I can only hope that you realise that you don't have to live like this, halfalive.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Your behaviour is quite common for a domestic violence victim. The cycle of living in fear of your abuser, then sympathising with him. Is that how you are feeling? Please call the police. You may wish to find your nearest women's refuge as well. I would also recommend seeing a therapist. No doubt that your husband has destroyed your self-esteem through the years. Unfortunately, due to your vulnerable mental state, I believe that there is a high possibility that you won't do any of this. I can only hope that you realise that you don't have to live like this, halfalive. Your probabky right, although i dint feel i need a womens shelter,he said he would leave if i wanted and he kniws i shoukd divorce him, it happend 4 days ago so im not sure calling thecops at this point would help i do have my whole famiky here too idk nsybe i just wanted to tell someone not so much get advice although i appreciate it
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) He must not be allowed to get away with his abuse. He is a criminal and deserves to be up on charges. If he thinks he can get away with it once, he will do it again. He does not deserve you. Four days ago? Doesn't matter. It still happened and the cops will still take it seriously. They know about domestic violence and how women are afraid to come forward for whatever reason. Quit making excuses and do the right thing for yourself, for him and any other woman he comes across in the future. If something is not done and even if you do break up, he will do it to the next woman too. Do you want someone else to go through what you've gone through? You can help stop this cycle, but you need to stop being the victim. Edited August 3, 2011 by Zaphod B
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 He must not be allowed to get away with his abuse. He is a criminal and deserves to be up on charges. If he thinks he can get away with it once, he will do it again. He does not deserve you. Four days ago? Doesn't matter. It still happened and the cops will still take it seriously. They know about domestic violence and how women are afraid to come forward for whatever reason. Quit making excuses and do the right thing for yourself, for him and any other woman he comes across in the future. If something is not done and even if you do break up, he will do it to the next woman too. Do you want someone else to go through what you've gone through? You can help stop this cycle, but you need to stop being the victim. Is it crazy that im not scared of him?
seren Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Half Alive, x for you and although you don't want advice I am going to give you some. When people who abuse get away with it, it can escalate, he has crossed a line and there really is no knowing if or when he will cross it again. It is a bit like stealing, once you have done it, doing it again is easier because you have already gicen yourself permission to do so. No one and I repeat that infinitum, should hit another, nor should anyone accept that someone has the right to do so. I am guessing that you have been on the end of some pretty subtle manipulation over the years, your name sort of says it all for me. No one should live half a life, your saying that you aren't afraid is worrying as it seems to me that you almost expect him to behave this way toward you. Please get away, either to your family or a shelter, he should get help with anger issues and I would make that an absolute if you are going to stay. I know you haven't asked for advice, I suspect you will get it as people here will worry for you. Vent away, it is a safe place to do so, now get a safe place IRL. I have seen far too many women go through this and I am sorry, but your response to it is typical. Take very good care. Seren xx
Severely Unamused Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Is it crazy that im not scared of him? I remember owning a labrador retriever as a teen. One time, he started baring his teeth at me. I wasn't afraid of him in the slightest. I ended up getting a chunk of my hand ripped off. I believe that your lack of fear is a coping mechanism. You have come to accept his abuse. My father was physically abusive towards my mother, and her thought process was exactly like that. You don't want advice, but many posters have presented it anyway. I suggest that you take as much of it into consideration, as you can. Unfortunately, due to your vulnerable mental state, I believe that there is a high possibility that you won't do any of this. You could live a much happer life, if you proved the above sentence wrong.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Is it crazy that im not scared of him? I think it's irrelevent if you're not scared of him or not. He brutally assaulted you and should not be allowed to get away with it. I'm sorry, I just get so wild when I hear of guys beating up on women and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. As far as I'm concerned, this guy of yours is a low-life and doesn't deserve to have anyone.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 The worst oart is i feel he is a goid man deep inside he has saved maby lives ( hes a paramedic) and he is a mentor for many im nit sure what to do yet.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) The worst oart is i feel he is a goid man deep inside he has saved maby lives ( hes a paramedic) and he is a mentor for many im nit sure what to do yet. A good man does not beat the crap out of a woman. Alcohol just brings out the true nature of a person, a nature he would normally repress. You want to look at him with the rose-coloured glasses and see only the good. That's just gonna leave you open for more abuse and you will continue to have no respect for yourself and he will continue on his abusive path. A lot of people have good sides to him, even the worst people in history. Hitler, for instance, was a great man until he decided to try to take over the world. He was even honored as Time Magazine's man of the year. Not trying to compare your guy to a monster like Hitler really, but I hope you get my drift. Edited August 3, 2011 by Zaphod B
seren Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Half alive, it is the very fact that abusers present to the rest of the world as good people that they get away with it. Sorry, but by not making him face up to what he has done you are leaving yourself wide open to it happening again. You had/have concussion, that is not to be taken lightly and is not the action of a good person. I don't care if he is Mother Theresa, he hit you, he abused you and there is no consequence? How is he to learn that this is not acceptable if you yourself don't make a stand and start by saying that you deserve better, you deserve to feel safe and loved in your marriage. What happens if he has a drink again, would you feel safe or would you do all that you can not to spark him off? For there lies the beginning of the road to being a victim. I don't want to appear harsh, truly, in my youth I was engaged to a man who literally threw me out of a moving van and then kicked the crap out of me, due to low self esteem and a whole heap of stuff I thought I had triggered it. It doesn't take long to slip into excusing abuse, it takes a shorter time to stop it before it has a chance to be a part of your life. What would you advise a friend or a family member if this happened?
fooled once Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 You are co-dependent and enabling his behavior. Check out Al-Anon and call a domestic violence hotline. If you really want out, they can advise you.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 You are co-dependent and enabling his behavior. Check out Al-Anon and call a domestic violence hotline. If you really want out, they can advise you. I know all about the program, we were both in "Alateen" when we were teens, his father was an alcoholic, and I went with him, we stopped going later in life, unfortunately it does not seem that we have taken what we learned from it with it, but I have thought about going back.
Bugz Bunny Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Why don't you respect yourself...why do you alove someone to hit you...why do you love to suffer again,again again...??? You know what,being single is not scary... it's better to live single and be happy then to live with someone like your husband... I myself am a doctor and I help people but I don't hit women or anyone because its wrong and sick... and you are not alone...you have your children and it's maybe better for you to be single for some time,so you can be a much happier parent to your children... Your husband maybe helps people and is good to other people but he is just not good to you...you asked in your previous threads can he change and I think you now have your answers... I wish you from all my heart to be happy but only you can create your own happiness... P.S. sometimes love is just not enough...
Author HalfAlive22 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Tx for all the advice,can i just clarify tho,I dont have low self esteem,im not afraid to be alone,im not staying for security or money ..i make my own i dont know why im staying,maybe im just crazy,maybe im afraid of failure,whatever the reason i hope it comes to me soon.
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