Jekka Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Ok so here is my story sorry if its too long , i started talking to this guy last year in july over the internet which he lives in another state but we kept talking everyday and finally he started liking me alot and kept askin me out but i didnt feel the same way so i said no every time but months went on and we were still talking all the time and then i started to really like him and he asked me out again and i said yes even though i never met him, i still knew alot about him and then in november he came to see me and we met and we had a great time, i loved him so much but then a few weeks after he went back to his state he started acting kind of weird and we kept fighting and everything but then he snapped out of it but then a few weeks later he broke up with me and i was devestated i was up to the point where i was depressed and my family was really getting worried about me and was gonna take me to the doctor cause every day i was crying and wouldnt eat and couldnt sleep and wasnt talking to anyone but anyway a few weeks later he contacted me again and said he regret what he did and he asked me back and i thought i would give it another chance so i did and we were going fine but then a few months later he found out that his mum had cancer and he went off the rails and he broke up with me again and so again i was a really big mess, he meant everything to me but anyway and then he ended up contacting me again like a month after and said he was really sorry he was just freaking out about his mum and everything and so we got together again and we were happier then ever but then we fought like everyday and so he ended it and said he couldnt handle the fighting anymore, i wasnt as bad this time as i knew if he did it once he would do it again and so months went by and i think i started to forget him as i got another crush which sort of looked like him somehow and then suddenly he contacted me again and asked me about him cause he found out about me likin a guy that looks like him and then he started gettin jealous and everything and i just thought it was a one off thing with him wanting to know the details but everyday after that he kept messaging me and then he ended up ringing me and said that he tried to move on but he just couldnt and i meant everything to him and he wants me back so as stupid as i was i gave him another chance cause he still meant everything to me and i couldnt let him go and we were going greater then ever until i told him that i could have cancer then he decided to go to his friends house for a few days to keep his mind off things but the last time we talked we were fine and then about 3 months ago he ended it again for god knows what reason but every time he breaks up with me he tries to move on so much that like every week he has a new gf it got to the point where i cut myself and ended up writing a suicide note, after he ended it again he blocked me off facebook so i couldnt go into his account or contact him or anything so i ended up making a whole new facebook account just to see his profile and everything and i cant seem to not look at his profile otherwise i would go nuts not knowing what he is up too and a few weeks ago i went on his account and it said he was in a relationship which completely destroyed me knowing that he moved on so fast and i cant but a few weeks later they broke up and then a few days ago i went on his profile and he is again in another relationship which i dont think it will last i just think he is so upset about ending it with me but i dont know, i cant seem to get him out of my mind and stop crying about how much i miss him and im not eating at all or anything but i have been doing stuff with another guy and feeling that i regret it all the time and i like him but i dont think im ready to move on i thought i was over him but i guess not , i just dont know what to do anymore i give up on my life :'( i just wanna die. :'( BTW sorry about how long the story is :/.
Mack05 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Jekka, Read the title of your thread. "I can't do this anymore". This man is untrustworthy and like you, an emotionally unhealthy person. This relationship is toxic. It's like been on drugs. The highs get quickly followed by the lows. What tends to happen in these type of relationships is the highs get fewer and fewer and the lows get more and more devastating. I've been in this type of relationship, so I know how you feel. Your inner voice knows this relationship is all wrong, but because you suffer from low self esteem you go back hoping for the highs and hoping the lows are finally gone. What you are doing is kidding yourself. You are addicted to this man. You are addicted to the toxicity and drama of the relationship. I suggest doing the following: 1) Disengage. This is a total must. He if contacts you, you ignore him. If you have to change numbers, email. Do not, I repeat do NOT look at his facebook/my space/twitter... 2) If you can afford it go to Therapy. Toxic relationships are the hardest to recover from. It's like you feel part of you died and in a way it has. When recovering from a toxic relationship, professional help is not only recommended its actually necessary.. 3) Focus on yourself. This is another must. When you leave a toxic relationship your self esteem and self value is lying on the floor. You are rock bottom. The ONLY way to move on with your live is get your self esteem back. Go to the gym, hang out with family and friends. If you see yourself being inner self-criticial, stop it..Its about replacing the negative with the positive. This is SO important.. 4) When you feel like breaking NC, Write your an ex a letter(s) that you never send. Writing about everything is very relaxing and Theraputic. Also a long walk helps in this situation. 5) Buy self books. The one I recommend for you is "Breaking your addiction to a person" 6) Grieve properly. Your Therapist will give you the correct techniques on how to do this.. 7) Eventually when the grieving is done, forgive your ex. By forgiving him, the hold he has over you is gone and can never come back.. It's a long tough journey. But you can do it.. Edited August 3, 2011 by Mack05
Author Jekka Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Mack05, Thanks so much for your advice about all this, i appreciate it, i will try some of these and see if they work but im not sure if they will but thanks i just wish i could get over his already so im not so down in the dumps
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