The Lonely Angel Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) I'm in a bit of a predicament here, and the story is a bit long but I hope you'll take the time to read it. I have been absolutely IN LOVE with this beautiful girl for over 4 years now. She's beautiful as well as cute, pretty, nice and fun to be around. Unfortunately however, literally everyone in my school knows about her beauty and loves to flirt with her... Me and her used to talk so much around the first year of knowing each other, and during that time I even asked her out a few times (but she rejected). I know as a fact that she doesn't love me, because she even secretly said it to one of my close friends. Anyway, after this happened, we just... slowly started to drift apart. I slowly stopped talking to her, and as she did with I. Now, in the present, she barely talks to me. Now, the reason I love her IS NOT because of her god-like appearance, which many other guys at my school seem to only like her for. The only reason why I fell in love with her was because she was so nice to me. She made me laugh everyday, always talked to me when I was alone, and playfully pushed me around harmlessly. Even just seeing her smile at me made my day. Take note that this happened before she started to change. Afterwards, she slowly drifted away from her group of friends and started to get together with 'the populars', a bunch of pretty girls at school that liked to flirt around a lot. Unfortunately this made her change, not for the better I might add.. She started to become a lot more flirty with other guys, started dating 'hot' older men and all the while, drifting even further away from me.. Now, the reason I still love her IS NOT because she still looks so damn beautiful, but because she was the first girl I ever fell in love with. She just made me feel warm and happy inside, and I loved her so much. I would of done anything for her. Unfortunately she never felt the same with me -- To the present (3 yrs later) : She barely talks to me now and is currently dating one of the most popular guys at our school. They recently went on a holiday with her parents overseas, and the fact at how happy she is with him, how fun they had together (found out from pictures of them on FB) makes me real happy, cause I know she is. But I just wish she was happy with ME (although I know it will never happen). Also, she and her close group of friend that she was with way back in the years (when she and I still talked with each other) seem to not even talk to each other. I believe its because they're not that popular anymore, or as good looking as her current friends, which makes me quite disappointed in her. My ex best-female friend is now very flirty with many of my guy friends, and it kind of makes me sad. I guess girls lose their cute, innocent personalities as they grow older, which makes me rather weary of growing up... I've also found out that she's been cheating on her boyfriend, but haven't said anything. After all, I have nothing to do with them. Anyway, many of my close group of friends are trying to help me get over her, but it just doesn't seem to work. They finally say that only time will help you, which I believe is true. However, even though I believe in this saying, I've known this girl for 4 yrs and love her no less than the day we first met. I STILL love her after four god damn years!! Also, I get many girls looking at me and saying I'm cute, which is really nice and all, but the only girl that I actually want a compliment from never gives me one. In fact, she never initiates conversations with me anymore (although from time to time, we actually laugh and talk together). Compared to other guys though, I'm like a grain of sand in her existence. I mean, on Facebook recently a random guy commented on how lucky her boyfriend is to have such a beautiful girl as his girlfriend. Now, all I want to know is HOW to stop myself thinking about her? How much longer will it take for me to know that there are better girls out there? (I have recently been asked by a girl, but my stupid love for the "Girl I'll Never Be With" forced me to decline.) I'm so stupid! Does anyone here have any advice on a lonely guy trying to forget about the only girl he's ever loved? I could really use some help because I've been trying things over 3 yrs but my love for her seems to never decay... I actually feel my life slowly fading away, sinking into a dark void of depression. Its my friends that keep me on my feet (thankfully I'm quite popular at school) but I fear of what will become of me when school ends and I never see her again. Edited August 3, 2011 by The Lonely Angel
Citizen Erased Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Have you been dating during this time? To be honest, I think she sounds like a nightmare. She is unfaithful, she uses people (her friends that she's dropped for others) and all in all doesn't sound nice to anyone unless it's to be a cock tease. Do you really want to be with someone that will cheat on you, is incapable of loyalty and is all in all a bitch? Time to take off the rose coloured glasses, she may look good but underneath she's ugly. If you think you're hurting now, imagine how her bf will feel once she's done with him. You're living in a fantasy world and it doesn't sound like you want out of it. Too bad cos you're wasting your time completely.
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Don't mean to sound like a pr!ck, but "cute" does not equate to "attractive", especially when describing dudes. Anyhow, it doesn't sound like you're in love, it sounds like you have an addiction. See the "Addicted to a Person" thread for similar stories to yours. Personally I'm about 95% over my addiction now and it feels pretty good. Took me about 2.5 months from the last time I saw her to get to this point.
reimeivn Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 To be honest, I think she sounds like a nightmare. She does. I know you have a lot of feelings for her. But you can have the same kind of feelings, if not more intense, with 3 or 4 people if you start going on dates with 30 people. So get it started. And when you meet somebody that is a good person that you DO NOT have anything to look down on, and she makes you become the better person, you will start developing the so called love. You need to detach yourself from her. Do not listen to your heart, sometimes you have to the right wise thing.
Author The Lonely Angel Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Well, she does seem really nice to others though? Is this all just a ask for what she truly is inside?
smudge21 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Yeah, this is an addiction, but the feelings can be virtually identical to that of love. Basically you feel so connected to someone who you've never dated, and may never will. Go find the addicted thread that NYC Guy mentioned (I think it's in the Dating area). I actually believe that being addicted to someone is worse than dating and breaking up, as you experience all of the pain, with none of the joy.
Author The Lonely Angel Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Yeah, this is an addiction, but the feelings can be virtually identical to that of love. Basically you feel so connected to someone who you've never dated, and may never will. Go find the addicted thread that NYC Guy mentioned (I think it's in the Dating area). I actually believe that being addicted to someone is worse than dating and breaking up, as you experience all of the pain, with none of the joy. Haha, I agree with you completely.. I just need to get over her, I guess.
smudge21 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Knowing you need to get over someone is the easy part...
KathyM Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Force yourself to go out with other women--even if your heart is not in it. Eventually, you will meet someone you like, and your thoughts will start focusing on the new girl. If you shut yourself off, thinking no one will ever be able to fill that spot for you, you will never have the chance to have a relationship. That's no way to spend your life--pining away for someone you will never have.
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 You stop idealizing her and saying you love her. You stop thinking and fantasizing, wishing and hoping. You be pro active! Thoughts of her come into your mind, you distract yourself! Go out, call a friend, put on music, go for a jog..Anything to make yourself not go there! Saying and doing are two different things. You have to want to get over her and let go in every way possible. She is far from perfect. Her sh.it stinks just as much as yours. If you aren't ready to date others, then make female friends but don't 'fall for them' because they are nice to you. Sometimes friends are just that, friends and it's best to not wear your heart on your sleeve when it comes to women friends.
Author The Lonely Angel Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I got plenty of female friends that I talk to (some of them are actually from the 'popular' girls) and I'm quite confident in my abilities. I just seem to have been suppressing what I should of done ages ago... getting over her, and seeing other girls. I guess I'll start that soon Oh, and recently I've taken up exercising, jogging, doing weights, etc. My friends recommended it for me, but I just like keeping myself occupied. I'm also going to the movies and hanging with my mates this weekend! By the way, would you guys recommend going NC with her? Because, I know I'm contradicting myself here... we sometimes talk together, and when it happens its as though we have always been friends. Unfortunately though, it hurts me that that's all I ever will be (if I am a friend to her, anyway). What do you guys think I should do?
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