CantLoseHer Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 So my ex girlfriend broke up with me because she said she wasn't getting the emotional gratification that she wanted from me (flowers, and lovey dovey stuff). And its been a week and a couple of days since she broke up with me. Since then we basically talked twice, one where I appologized for what happened, it was a 1 minute appology type thing because she had her family over and had to leave from work, so she said that she would text me so I could finish what I have to say. waited till next day which is the second time she talked to me (it wasn't about setting up a meeting or anything) she got mad at me for saying "yea "/" on her friend's status (which was about her relationship having its struggle) saying I was looking for pitty from her friends and trying to empathize with something that didn't even happen to me and so on, So I appologized for her that it came across that way, and I didn't mean to upset her. After that she basically said "yeah right, yep, and sure" to everything I said which means she's mad. So the last thing I said was "I dont know why youre mad at me, I was trying to sincerely appologize etc." So she didn't respond to me. She texted me 2days later saying "Youre not respecting me and giving me the space that I want". This threw me off because it was like I didn't even talk to you for 2 days, and I know damn well she saw that message that night. So I feel like that was a game she was wanting me to buy into to respond or something, anyways I didn't message her after that. It has been about 5 days of complete NC. Despite all the BS that was happening with text and whatnot I want to still have a good relationship with her. My problem is, and it seems to be getting worse day by day, that I keep wishing I could take things back. Like I wish I did more for her to show her that I cared. I keep thinking in my mind that I want to show her some amazing grand gesture, and sincerely let her know that I love her, and that I'm changing for the better, and that I appreciate her for her, that I truly love her. Like I would stay with this girl no matter what (never once thought about leaving her), I would even stay if she became mentally disabled from an accident or even if we never had sex again. I want to let her know how much she means to me every day. Even if the most she could offer me was friendship, but know that I love her and would always be someone she can share her thoughts and hopes and dreams with would somehow be okay. So basically I want to tell her all of this, and I know what I actually want to happen vs. the actual reality of getting a second chance (slim to none). I just want another chance to show change, and if it ends up not working out, then we can be done with each other. I've already built up in my mind that I'm probably not going to get another one. And it sucks because I want to tell my ex all of this now! I want her to know how I truly feel, but she also wants her space and I feel like any communication by me is going to be counter productive. I've been wondering if maybe shell ever text me again, or if I should text her in a month and maybe see how she is and meet up for lunch or something. I've also been crying a ton throughout the day, and feel like I have mini panic attacks where my heart drops when I realize that I actually lost her. I'd appreciate any advice on how I should go about maybe talking to her, getting her to actually agree to meet up with me (since she broke up w/ me over text and couldn't call me because it was too hard. Even though I ended up seeing her face to face that night after work),getting my mind off of her, displaying a changed attitude towards her and life, how long until I break NC, idk Ill take any advice at this point. Uggghh I love this girl and it drives me nuts!
flitzanu Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 sorry bro, sounds like she's done. she also sounds like an insecure little girl with all her neediness for flowers and attention. she's already expressing that you're invading her space now, which means she doesn't likely care about what you do or say. best bet is to go no contact and walk away. i know you think pouring your heart out is going to help...but honestly there is only a VERY SLIM chance it will matter. what will bother her more right now is for you to disappear entirely, block her on fb, delete her number and stop responding to any of her communications.
Author CantLoseHer Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Yesterday I basically texted her saying I appreciate her and everything she did for me. with a few one word replies, I told her I want to be friends because we work together and not have it to be bad, like still smile, maybe have small talk. and she said she can't do this so we ended up having kindof a long convo and basically we're never going to see each other again. Yeah it was stupid of me to get my hopes up but you live and you learn I guess. I'm just disappointed because we were best friends before we dated for 15 months and she can't even say hi or be civil at work. I hate her for what she did, I feel like it was all empty words (you're the one, Ill love you forever, you are my only forever) since this was 2 days before the breakup. I know that its not all my fault even though I accepted the blame for everything. I feel like I'm in her dad's position now, she doesn't talk to him anymore and hasn't for 5 years. I'm just another guy she's "blocking" in real life. She has some serious issues she needs to work out, as I'm sure I have some too. I guess with a first love there's a first heart-break. Im only 18 so I'm not worried about never finding anyone again, it just sucks when I wanted things to work out so bad with her and they ended the way they did. Time to grieve for a little while and take the lessons from this relationship, and hopefully someone that appreciates me for me will come along "/
Nakishar Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 This sounds a lot like what I am going through. My ex, who I was also best friends with for a while before dating, felt that she meant nothing to me and was really hurt by my actions or lack thereof. She broke it off about three weeks ago now and said she just wanted to go back to being friends. I know that she was sincere in this desire but I have messed up over the past few weeks by not giving her as much space as she wanted (although she didn't tell me) and trying to talk about the break-up with her, which she doesn't want. Now, she said she's not sure if we can be close friends again - although she didn't say anything about not being friends at all. If there's anything I can offer, it's that it was a pretty recent break-up. Maybe she acted rashly in her decision or she has other problems going on in her life and she'll realize how much she misses you later on - even if it's just as a friend. I'd agree that pouring your heart out won't do much. That was one of my problems. If she felt that you weren't being there for her emotionally, then realize that she's reacted emotionally, not logically. So don't try to confront her with logic. You should try to gain her trust just as a friend (since you started out that way) and then build up over time. Let her get comfortable being with you again before you bring up the relationship. It could take 4 weeks or 4 months or longer. It really depends a lot on her. I'd give it a few weeks of not talking to her. Let her sort things out and try again. If you have any mutual friends, maybe talk to them to gauge whether it's a good idea or not. Then take it slowly.
Author CantLoseHer Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 I see what you're saying. I left her alone for a while (not talking to her at work, no texting, or anything for a week) and I offered her friendship and she said she couldn't even do that ( I wanted to atleast be civil so work wasn't awkward) anyways, that wasn't okay with her. So anyways I put in my 2weeks already (Had to anyways due to school). I asked her if this was goodbye forever? and she replied "yes", and I had a last pouring of the heart out, but at the end of that message saying you want me to let you go then fine, you dont have to see or hear from me again like you requested. and she said "okay". so who knows, maybe well see each other in a long while, or never again. If it was meant to be it will come back, if not there's a different plan for me. However, I do plan on giving her the promise ring she gave me back, and everything else she gave me, minus two letters that I want to hold on to. I hope these next 2 weeks go by fast so I can actually heal and not hurt whenever I see her "/
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