fiat500 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Ever notice how the dumpee always has a sh*t time of trying to get over the dumper and getting his/her life back together while the dumper is having a blast partying, having more of a social life, gaining a new significant other, and or traveling abroad? Is this a dumpee's karma? Why must a dumpee drag himself/herself out of the ditch of despair whilst hearing/knowing that the dumper is smooth sailing or even being rewarded for how awesomely sh*tty they treated the dumpee? I'm talking about those of us who don't go out of our way to know about the ex but information somehow finds its way in spite of precautions. I've felt this way for a while. I feel like I've lost terribly at a game that I need to find a new way to win.
light_vader Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Because most times, I guess, the dumper has been disconnected from the relationship for a while, so by the time the dumpee gets the bad news.. in fact the game was over a long ago. And if the dumpee was treated in a ****ty way like you say, then who gets the reward? That is right, the dumpee for not being in a stupid relationship with someone who is worthless, and having a second chance in life to find someone who really deserves it.
0hpenelope Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Ever notice how the dumpee always has a sh*t time of trying to get over the dumper and getting his/her life back together while the dumper is having a blast partying, having more of a social life, gaining a new significant other, and or traveling abroad? Is this a dumpee's karma? Why must a dumpee drag himself/herself out of the ditch of despair whilst hearing/knowing that the dumper is smooth sailing or even being rewarded for how awesomely sh*tty they treated the dumpee? I'm talking about those of us who don't go out of our way to know about the ex but information somehow finds its way in spite of precautions. I've felt this way for a while. I feel like I've lost terribly at a game that I need to find a new way to win. No, not really. One of the things that I learned in my journey is that people will project not just what they feel, but also what they want people to see. The dumper having a blast partying? Yeah they're probably having a blast or they're just trying to distract themselves from the pain. The dumper having more of a social life, including traveling abroad? They're keeping busy and wanting to meet people as we are. It's got nothing to do with the dumpee at all. Gaining a new significant other? It's got nothing to do with the dumpee either. Look, even if they're in a new relationship, it doesn't mean they're "happy." I'm sure you can name one married couple where one or both are unhappy in it. It's not even about smooth sailing or they're not having a sh*tty time. Well, I don't think about it like that with my ex. I used to think he's happy without me, but what do I really know? I'm not his brain, I'm not his mind, I'm no mind reader either. I do not know anything about him so making assumptions about my ex is only self-defeating for healing purposes. I can do that, too. I can be all smiles while socializing, but I'm the only one who knows what's really in my heart. People do that all the time. The thing is, fiat, all of those amazing things that your dumper's doing? You can do them, too. If you're short on $$, there are still ways to enjoy your time away from your ex. Use that energy into something positive so you can keep going up, up, up. Fight that bitterness. Edited August 3, 2011 by 0hpenelope
TTTiger Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 No, not really. One of the things that I learned in my journey is that people will project not just what they feel, but also what they want people to see. The dumper having a blast partying? Yeah they're probably having a blast or they're just trying to distract themselves from the pain. The dumper having more of a social life, including traveling abroad? They're keeping busy and wanting to meet people as we are. It's got nothing to do with the dumpee at all. Gaining a new significant other? It's got nothing to do with the dumpee either. Look, even if they're in a new relationship, it doesn't mean they're "happy." I'm sure you can name one married couple where one or both are unhappy in it. It's not even about smooth sailing or they're not having a sh*tty time. Well, I don't think about it like that with my ex. I used to think he's happy without me, but what do I really know? I'm not his brain, I'm not his mind, I'm no mind reader either. I do not know anything about him so making assumptions about my ex is only self-defeating for healing purposes. I can do that, too. I can be all smiles while socializing, but I'm the only one who knows what's really in my heart. People do that all the time. The thing is, fiat, all of those amazing things that your dumper's doing? You can do them, too. If you're short on $$, there are still ways to enjoy your time away from your ex. Use that energy into something positive so you can keep going up, up, up. Fight that bitterness. Ohpenelope! Good stuff! Spot on advice in my opinion...
radiodarcy Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Ever notice how the dumpee always has a sh*t time of trying to get over the dumper and getting his/her life back together while the dumper is having a blast partying, having more of a social life, gaining a new significant other, and or traveling abroad? Is this a dumpee's karma? Why must a dumpee drag himself/herself out of the ditch of despair whilst hearing/knowing that the dumper is smooth sailing or even being rewarded for how awesomely sh*tty they treated the dumpee? I'm talking about those of us who don't go out of our way to know about the ex but information somehow finds its way in spite of precautions. I've felt this way for a while. I feel like I've lost terribly at a game that I need to find a new way to win. i've been fortunate so far that i haven't had any information about the ex get back to me. i can't say i haven't been tempted to go looking for it. but whenever i am, i remind myself of how much better i feel now that i'm not privy to his every move anymore. ignorance really is bliss. that really is the beauty of NC though, once you cut them out of your world, you cease to play the game. during the time i tried being friends with him it seemed he would try to engage me in this competition to see who was moving on faster; who was lining up more dates, etc. (obviously it was him because he was the one who had long since moved on anyway. i was still stuck where i was and in love with him) it was sickening. when i went NC and cut off the friendship i ceased to play the game and it was a huge relief. it doesn't matter if he's partying it up with the girl of his dreams because i don't have to know about it. and whenever the thought does pop into my life about how great his life is i just tell myself, "it doesn't matter because i'm not talking to him anymore" Edited August 3, 2011 by radiodarcy
melenkurion Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 And if the dumpee was treated in a ****ty way like you say, then who gets the reward? That is right, the dumpee for not being in a stupid relationship with someone who is worthless, and having a second chance in life to find someone who really deserves it. I love this. It helps me to remember I have not lost some great prize. I was dumped by someone that lied to me, cheated on me repeatedly, gaslighted me and was basically a parasite. I've got my life back.
reimeivn Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 yeah sure they might look like they have fun but they trade their soul for that. you dont want to be a bad person and have fun. you want to be you and might not look like your have as much fun as they do but at least you do have a heart. they have fun after dumping you? so that is the right choice then. you should not be with them.
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