kalena9488 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I asked my exbf to move out about 8 months ago. I helped him get his apartment etc etc etct. Long story short...I've been considering us getting back together and maybe even moving back in together at some point. We couldn't make it work before and it was only the two of us. We had issues with money his lack of it, pot (his) etc. Now he has two of his kids living with him full time and he tells me he's stopped doing pot cuz he has realized he has too much to lose. Me and his kids. I've always been against the use of drugs all of them. But I find myself thinking well I could deal with knowing its something he does as long as he doesn't do it around me or anywhere that could put me in jeapordy. In the 8 months since he's left have continued to see each other and do the other things as well. I went on one date which he doesn't know about and it was horrible. I have no desire to meet anyone knew. When he drintks to much I don't really like being around him because he can be really ugly and even this past July 4th embarressed me horribly. But here I am again. I just don't know what to do. Do I stop seeing him just because I'm afraid to be hurt and taken advantage of again or do I keep seeing him and trying to move forward because there isn't much better out there?
ScienceGal Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 It doesn't seem like you've given yourself a fair chance to move on. By maintaining contact with him you are really selling yourself short. No other man you go on a date with will appeal to you because you're still "with" your ex. Even if he moved out, your mind and heart has been in it for the entire 8 months... and believe me, he knows it. What you pointed out about the pot and alcohol use makes it pretty clear that these are issues for you. Don't compromise on these issues, especially since kids are involved. Either keep selling yourself short/ruining your chances of meeting someone new by allowing him to be in your life, or make a clean break in which you focus on yourself and your life without him. It's scary to be alone, but this is YOUR life. You exist without him and you will meet someone new and better but first you need to get yourself to a place where you are ready for that (= 100% WITHOUT HIM). Good luck.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Do I stop seeing him just because I'm afraid to be hurt and taken advantage of again...? NO, you stop seeing him because he drinks too much, smokes too much pot, and has too many kids. C'mon, you can do better than that...
aerogurl87 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I think you know the answer to this. Don't take him back until he gets better because he wants to get better for himself. And even then, don't waste your time putting your life on hold for him. Try to move on and be happy without him.
Author kalena9488 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 what the three of you say is true but all I've been thinking about is just trying again because if I meet someone new who's to say it will be any better. Ya'll are right, I do know what I should do but man I'm so torn I want to move on and be by myself again like I was when we met but then again I'm afraid either way could end badly. I've been married twice and I left both times and I never had as hard a time as I am with this one. And I was married for 17 years to the first one and had three kids with him. I'm so afraid of making a mistake and taking a chance either way.
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