coltsfan1 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I have made some very poor decisions over the last year, and I am looking for any guidance from some of you that have pulled yourself up by the boot straps and crawled out of your hole. Today I signed up to volunteer for two different not-for-profits. I don't know if they will except me but I am trying to go in the right direction. If any of you have any advice, guidance, or are willing to share your success story I would like to hear it.
KME39 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Well it depends what type of story you want to hear? I have two types. One that I pulled myself out of a miserable job situation and busted my rear to get where I am. OR The other that I put my life back together after my ex-fiancee tried to ruin what sanity and self esteem I had.
Author coltsfan1 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Well it depends what type of story you want to hear? I have two types. One that I pulled myself out of a miserable job situation and busted my rear to get where I am. OR The other that I put my life back together after my ex-fiancee tried to ruin what sanity and self esteem I had. I wouldn't mind hearing both!! I have been hurt since the end of my previous relationship.
KME39 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Job situation I started off as a admin assistant way back when.I had been told for years by teachers that I should just get married and have kids. I didn't have what it took to go to college, and have my own career. I never believed them for a minute because I knew better. I was bored at school, and regular topics bored me. When I took a class that interested me, I paid 100% attention and didn't day dream. So where I was working needed a recruiting database created. I took one class and read everything I could on it. I created the database and was hooked. I got my first junior positoin making a piddly amount of $$ but I dind't care. I was doing programming of software applications. Fast forward six years and I hit a point in my career that I was at the top of my pay grade and responsibility without a college degree. So I started going to an accerelated college. Don't let anyone tell you that doing on line college is a cake walk. I busted my hiney doing college classes, working full time, and working two part time jobs. I did my homework during the slow time at my full time job, and worked my two part time. I had 4 papers due a week for school. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA from undergraduate in 2.5 years instead of 4. I worked in a management job and decided that I needed my Master's degree. SO I got accepted into four different Master's programs with ease and was able to pick which one I wanted to go to. Because of my high GPA I was able to skip the testing required to get into grad school. I completed my Master's in 1.5 years and graduated with a 3.9 GPA. I worked one full time job and that was it. I had so much homework every single week that at times I would get overwhelmed. I am at a job that I like ok now, but will start looking soon enough. Mostly because I am getting bored with what I am doing. When I get bored, that is when I am more likely to do something like get another degree. Relationship wise... I was engaged to be married to a man who regularly abused me. One day I just got sick of being treated like dirt. I stood up to him and told him it was over. That was the worse beating that I ever had from him both emotionally and physically. I put him into jail for that last beating and when he was in jail some of the gaurds that knew my family well turned a blind eye to the extra smacks he got from other inmates. It took me a long time to talk about what he did to me and only recently have opened up about it. I married someone that was completely wrong for me about 8 years ago. He emotionally neglects me and makes bad comments. I was starting to fall into that same thinking again but something snapped in me and decided that I was NOT going down that road again. Last month I asked him for a divorce. Because MD is a royal pain about you being separated for a year before a dirvorce is finalized I have to keep myself in check from going back to him. I do miss having someone with me as a companion. I miss the intimatecy but with the amount that he neglected me a set of DD batteries can take care of some of the issues. The rest of the feeling companionship I get from being with my friends and family. I found joy in being with myself and how to make myself happy. I will in time find someone else but I am in no hurry. I have so much to offer the right person when the time comes. I am not going to waste any more tears over someone who doesn't care for me back.
Author coltsfan1 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Job situation I started off as a admin assistant way back when.I had been told for years by teachers that I should just get married and have kids. I didn't have what it took to go to college, and have my own career. I never believed them for a minute because I knew better. I was bored at school, and regular topics bored me. When I took a class that interested me, I paid 100% attention and didn't day dream. So where I was working needed a recruiting database created. I took one class and read everything I could on it. I created the database and was hooked. I got my first junior positoin making a piddly amount of $$ but I dind't care. I was doing programming of software applications. Fast forward six years and I hit a point in my career that I was at the top of my pay grade and responsibility without a college degree. So I started going to an accerelated college. Don't let anyone tell you that doing on line college is a cake walk. I busted my hiney doing college classes, working full time, and working two part time jobs. I did my homework during the slow time at my full time job, and worked my two part time. I had 4 papers due a week for school. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA from undergraduate in 2.5 years instead of 4. I worked in a management job and decided that I needed my Master's degree. SO I got accepted into four different Master's programs with ease and was able to pick which one I wanted to go to. Because of my high GPA I was able to skip the testing required to get into grad school. I completed my Master's in 1.5 years and graduated with a 3.9 GPA. I worked one full time job and that was it. I had so much homework every single week that at times I would get overwhelmed. I am at a job that I like ok now, but will start looking soon enough. Mostly because I am getting bored with what I am doing. When I get bored, that is when I am more likely to do something like get another degree. Relationship wise... I was engaged to be married to a man who regularly abused me. One day I just got sick of being treated like dirt. I stood up to him and told him it was over. That was the worse beating that I ever had from him both emotionally and physically. I put him into jail for that last beating and when he was in jail some of the gaurds that knew my family well turned a blind eye to the extra smacks he got from other inmates. It took me a long time to talk about what he did to me and only recently have opened up about it. I married someone that was completely wrong for me about 8 years ago. He emotionally neglects me and makes bad comments. I was starting to fall into that same thinking again but something snapped in me and decided that I was NOT going down that road again. Last month I asked him for a divorce. Because MD is a royal pain about you being separated for a year before a dirvorce is finalized I have to keep myself in check from going back to him. I do miss having someone with me as a companion. I miss the intimatecy but with the amount that he neglected me a set of DD batteries can take care of some of the issues. The rest of the feeling companionship I get from being with my friends and family. I found joy in being with myself and how to make myself happy. I will in time find someone else but I am in no hurry. I have so much to offer the right person when the time comes. I am not going to waste any more tears over someone who doesn't care for me back. Thank you KME39, I work in IS as well, I am currently studying for my A+ and going to night school. This is my first position in IS and I am at the bottom of the pole but I am proud of what I do. I am trying to better my career, and I appreciate you taking the time to write me back. As far as my RL goes, I was with someone who physically abused me and left me feeling less than good to say the least. Since our split I have allowed that to influence my personal feeling and I have made some really bad decisions. I hit bottom this last weekend and now its only up. How did you get past the abuse and being beaten down? For me it has left me feeling less than par and seriously hurt me. My ego, pride, self respect, and honor has been bruised. Any advice would be well recieved!! Again thank you!
KME39 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Well it has taken me quite honestly about 10 years to move past it. For the longest time when I would hear a gunshot of people target shooting and so on, I would instantly freeze. Becuase one of his power plays was that he said he was going to kill himself and shot off a gun in the parking lot. He came back in looking for me..That was not a good night. Gradually time healed the wounds and talking about it. I bottle up my feelings and keep them close. I have had to learn to open up because the negativity was just eating me up inside. One of the biggest things for me was finding a good therapist. Someone to help me learn to forgive myself for bad decisions in the past. One of the things was that at 20 years old almost 20 years ago that I had an abortion. I was so ashamed of myself for doing that. I was barely able to take care of myself never mind a child. My father took me to the clinic and asked me right before we went in if I was sure I wanted to do this. I told him yes. The ironic part is that after that I was never able to have a successful pregnancy. I blamed myself so badly that I couldn't have kids. Never mind that I had a very bad infection that put my immune system so out of whack that it would attack the embryos and cause miscarriage. The logical side of my brain knew this but the emotional side didn't. Just two months ago I finally forgave myself and have felt at peace. I have many things that I regret in life that I have done but every single one of them I have learned something from. I can't go back in time and change those decisions. I can take the lessons I have learned and apply them to future situations. 1. When you feel the hair go up on the back of your neck on someone's aura. Don't igonre it. It is right. 2. When you know that something is right about a situation, go with that feeling. 3. If something negative happens, take it as a lesson and ask yourself what have you learned through this? My truck was dead for a week and I have having to rely on friends to take me to work. Being the complete and utter control freak, I had to rely on other people. That was difficult for me, and I had to do it. 4. Don't settle for 2nd best. YOU are worth waiting for. Don't settle for the right this second but what you really want. I can't get pm's here due to not having many posts but here is my personal email. I would like to hear more: [email protected]
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