Would you wait till marriage?

[sm1tten]

I suggest you find someone who (genuinely) shares your belief system. Then you won't have to worry about whether he'll stick it out.

 

Personally (and I'm a girl, obviously) I wouldn't wait until marriage, but that's in part because I don't see marriage as something special or even a goal I'm working towards in my life, and therefore there's nothing for me to "save" for it. My grandmother, who married my grandfather when she was 25 (kind of late compared to her peers), was a fairly religious woman who told me that she regretted not experimenting with sex before she married, as it turns out that her and my grandfather were somewhat incompatible in the bedroom. They did grow to have a fulfilling sex life, though.

[Afishwithabike]

The day you see sex as a routine is the day you know your sex life has died.

 

So true. It shouldn't become routine, going through the motions kind of a thing.

By that logic you can't expect to be compatible with everyone when it comes to sex; In time, after you've married someone, and you've had sex for a while, you will learn that there are things you like, you will learn how much you like sex (if at all), etc etc.. All I can is, if your partner won't be in par with you, you will have a bad sex life.

 

If you will have a higher sex drive than him, it will suck for you, if he will have a higher sex drive than you, it will suck for you; You will like it rough, he might like it soft, you might like it kinky, he might like it normal, etc etc...

 

 

OP - You're assuming the both of you will want sex the same way, the same frequency, etc. Will he be more into role playing in bed? Will he be into things you find kinky? You might be compatible, but there's also a good chance you won't be. You won't know. It's the luck of the draw. You won't know if the sex you're having is really good or not. You don't have anything to compare it to. Will you one day start wondering about whether it would have been better with someone else? Sometimes when people haven't experienced things in their youth, they end up in midlife crises where they wonder about the "what ifs" and "if only I had.." situations.

Again, I don't want to sound like I'm trying to change your mind. I'm not. I'm explaining why I chose a different path for myself.

 

Professor X - Love your avatar. X-Men is one of my favorite comics.

[rafallus]

is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?

 

Depends on his sex drive.

 

If average to high, then yes, definitely (it would in my case).

 

If lower, then no.

[Ross MwcFan]

No, I wouldn't wait.

 

I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?

 

It's very likely.

 

I think you're going to make things very hard for yourself if you want to wait until marriage.

 

The best chance you'll have for a guy to stay around, would be to try and meet a Christian or Catholic guy. So looking to join a church would be a good idea.

[Professor X]

Professor X - Love your avatar. X-Men is one of my favorite comics.

Thank you It is very kind of you! X-men was one of the few things I grew up on (together with Transformers lol).

[rafallus]

We did everything under the sun except penetration. It was not that bad and I had some great orgasms.

That sounds kinda fake on the other hand.

 

If that includes oral and anal, then can you really call it waiting? And isn't distinction "ass and mouth are fine to insert, vagina is not" just arbitrary?

 

I know women who call themselves virgins, and they handle HJ, BJ, anal just fine, it's just their vaginas are "forbidden".

 

They're not virgins to me at all. Oral is sex too. So is anal.

[oldguy]

Does this include oral sex?

LOL yes, sex is sex. In this case you can tell that 'ORAL' is sex because imediatly after the word 'oral' is the word 'sex'. That is a dead giveaway.

I think the confusion started during the Clinton administration.

 

Vaginal, oral, anal & even manual manipulation, it's all sex.

 

A good rule of thumb is; if a person who has reached the age of consent engages in an activity with a person who has not & can be arrested for it, there is a good chance that is sex. Therefore that same activity would still be sex independent of either partners age.

Encase the point was missed; if both parties can be arrested it is probably just a simple crime.

Edited August 3, 2011 by oldguy

[oldguy]

Does this include oral sex?

LOL yes, sex is sex. In this case you can tell that 'ORAL' is sex because imediatly after the word 'oral' is the word 'sex'. That is a dead giveaway.

I think the confusion started during the Clinton administration.

 

Vaginal, oral, anal & even manual manipulation, it's all sex.

 

A good rule of thumb is; if a person who has reached the age of consent engages in an activity with a person who has not & can be arrested for it, there is a good chance that is sex. Therefore that same activity would still be sex independent of either partners age.

Encase the point was missed; if both parties can be arrested it is probably just a simple crime.

[KR10N]

I've always told myself in the past that I wanted to wait till marriage. But I feel now that I may wait until I'm ready. Which won't be anytime soon, I'm content w/ being a 20 y.o. virgin. Quite frankly, if a guy isn't willing to wait for me, then I know he's not for me. And if he pushes, he's gone.

 

What is sex w/ out love anyway? It sounds all to unfulfilling. I'd much rather wait for someone I really care about & who feels the same for me.

[musemaj11]

I've always told myself in the past that I wanted to wait till marriage. But I feel now that I may wait until I'm ready. Which won't be anytime soon, I'm content w/ being a 20 y.o. virgin. Quite frankly, if a guy isn't willing to wait for me, then I know he's not for me. And if he pushes, he's gone.

 

What is sex w/ out love anyway? It sounds all to unfulfilling. I'd much rather wait for someone I really care about & who feels the same for me.

But you are a virgin. Your opinion is based on assumption.

[Ross MwcFan]

What is sex w/ out love anyway? It sounds all to unfulfilling. I'd much rather wait for someone I really care about & who feels the same for me.

 

It's fun. And still an important part of life.

[ThsAmericanLife]

The day you see sex as a routine is the day you know your sex life has died.

 

You need to think of sex as you think of yourself: Do you know yourself? Yes, you do; How do you know yourself? Life experience - your family, your friends, your past and current lovers, etc etc; Do you think you can be compatible with anyone you want? No, you can't.

 

By that logic you can't expect to be compatible with everyone when it comes to sex; In time, after you've married someone, and you've had sex for a while, you will learn that there are things you like, you will learn how much you like sex (if at all), etc etc.. All I can is, if your partner won't be in par with you, you will have a bad sex life.

 

If you will have a higher sex drive than him, it will suck for you, if he will have a higher sex drive than you, it will suck for you; You will like it rough, he might like it soft, you might like it kinky, he might like it normal, etc etc...

 

and lets not forget about physical proportions. I dated a man whose wife died of ovarian cancer after 20 years of marriage. They were both each other's "first"... but he lamented about their very challenging sex life. He was larger than most, and she couldn't accomodate him easily. They were both so upset/frustrated by this, that they discussed going to swinger clubs and having an open relationship. They never did. Obviously, her illness kind of took care of the fidelity issue... unfortunately.

[oldguy]

Never buy a car without test driving it first.

Waiting or not waiting is a personal choice however, People who buy cars check the consumer ratings, give the prospective car a look over & may even test drive it but the fact is; they bought it the first time they saw it:laugh:

I would also agree thats not a bad idea especially if your looking at a used car that has some obvious hard miles on it with a fair bit of damage:p

I wish I would have worked that analogy into a pick up line though, "Your just what I've been looking for do mind if I kick your tires & then take you for a spin around the block to see how you handle"?

Does that analogy also go so far as to include trading the old model in for a sportier, new model every few years? No answer required, I'm just playin'

[KR10N]

But you are a virgin. Your opinion is based on assumption.

I'm not assuming anything. I really do NOT want to have sex just to be having sex. It's never going to be one night stands, or jumping from one partner to the next I want my first time do be w/ someone I truly care about. This is the only reason I'm a virgin.

 

I never said sex couldn't be fun. My first time might suck, I don't care. I'm just happy w/ the assurance that I'm loved.

[KR10N]

I'm not assuming anything. I really do NOT want to have sex just to be having sex. It's never going to be one night stands, or jumping from one partner to the next I want my first time do be w/ someone I truly care about. This is the only reason I'm a virgin.

 

I never said sex couldn't be fun. My first time might suck, I don't care. I'm just happy w/ the assurance that I'm loved.

 

FYI, my opinion is my opinion. What works for you, certainly will not work for me.

[Lizzie60]

I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?

 

Nope.. if you were my child I would advise you to have sex BEFORE you get married.. sex is a part of the married life that is TOO important.

[Pierre]

Original Poster:

 

Will you offer sexual favors to your BF and only restrict penetration?

 

Or are you looking for 100% no sex?

 

I believe the couple needs to know each other in bed before marriage even if there is no actual penetration.

[Scottdmw]

OP, I applaud your determination and am looking for the same thing myself.

 

 

That sounds kinda fake on the other hand.

 

If that includes oral and anal, then can you really call it waiting? And isn't distinction "ass and mouth are fine to insert, vagina is not" just arbitrary?

 

I know women who call themselves virgins, and they handle HJ, BJ, anal just fine, it's just their vaginas are "forbidden".

 

They're not virgins to me at all. Oral is sex too. So is anal.

 

 

There is one important distinction—only vaginal sex can bring about pregnancy. Even with contraception there is a significant chance of that. With BJ’s for example there is no such chance.

 

I think, too, that emotionally women have a significantly stronger experience of “giving themselves” with vaginal, basically because their unconscious mind knows that pregnancy is a possibility. This leads to a stronger bond, which is a good thing in marriage but not such a good thing if you end up breaking up and experiencing heartbreak.

 

You can define the word “virginity” to mean whatever you want I suppose. But, I do think there is something to be said that vaginal sex is more special than the others.

 

 

The day you see sex as a routine is the day you know your sex life has died.

 

You need to think of sex as you think of yourself: Do you know yourself? Yes, you do; How do you know yourself? Life experience - your family, your friends, your past and current lovers, etc etc; Do you think you can be compatible with anyone you want? No, you can't.

 

By that logic you can't expect to be compatible with everyone when it comes to sex; In time, after you've married someone, and you've had sex for a while, you will learn that there are things you like, you will learn how much you like sex (if at all), etc etc.. All I can is, if your partner won't be in par with you, you will have a bad sex life.

 

If you will have a higher sex drive than him, it will suck for you, if he will have a higher sex drive than you, it will suck for you; You will like it rough, he might like it soft, you might like it kinky, he might like it normal, etc etc...

 

I think most people will admit the surface plausibility of this argument. The question is, is it really correct?

 

Here's one piece of evidence that suggests otherwise:

 

http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/USAToday/access/38897964.html?FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS&date=Feb+11%2C+1999&author=William+R.+Mattox+Jr.&pub=USA+TODAY&edition=&startpage=15.A&desc=Aha!+Call+it+the+revenge+of+the+church+ladies

This was an article in USA Today, Feb 1999. Here's the abstract:

 

"Researchers at the University of Chicago seem to think so. Several years ago, when they released the results of the most "comprehensive and methodologically sound" sex survey ever conducted, they reported that religious women experience significantly higher levels of sexual satisfaction than non-religious women.

While this outcome caught some by surprise, the Chicago study was hardly the first to show a link between spirituality and sexuality. In fact, a 1940s Stanford University study, a 1970s Redbook magazine survey of 100,000 women and at least one other study from the early 1990s all found higher levels of sexual satisfaction among women who attend religious services religiously.

Instead, at least four other factors appear to be responsible for the link between spiritual commitment and sexual fulfillment. First, church ladies appear to benefit from their lack of sexual experience prior to marriage. That's right; several studies (including the Redbook survey) show that women who engage in early sexual activity and those who have had multiple partners are less apt to express satisfaction with their sex lives than women who entered marriage with little or no sexual baggage."

 

Here's another thing. People have been making your argument for about the last 50 years, saying that more sexual experimentation and freedom would lead to better sex lives and happier marriages. Yet, during the same period the divorce rate has skyrocketed. It seems awfully difficult to me to believe that the greater sexual freedom could really be helping. It seems rather more likely that it's hurting.

 

It's well and good to say that you're going to find someone who is perfectly compatible and then marry them and be happy. But, sexual tastes and desires change the same as other types do. You could be married five years and then find that your perfect compatibility is gone because you both went in different directions. That's why what's more important in marriage is a willingness to work together for each other's good rather than expecting the other person to essentially match your desires.

 

So, do you have any evidence that supports your position, other than just the simple statement “test drive before you buy” and things like that?

 

Scott

[KR10N]

Original Poster:

 

Will you offer sexual favors to your BF and only restrict penetration?

 

Or are you looking for 100% no sex?

 

I believe the couple needs to know each other in bed before marriage even if there is no actual penetration.

He better not snore!

[Lovelybird]

I call bull on the study. its full of blantint bias.

what is your scientific study can back up such comment?

[Scottdmw]

I call bull on the study. its full of blantint bias.

 

Can you be more specific?

 

Scott

[Lovelybird]

how old are you?

[rafallus]

There is one important distinction—only vaginal sex can bring about pregnancy. Even with contraception there is a significant chance of that. With BJ’s for example there is no such chance.

 

I think, too, that emotionally women have a significantly stronger experience of “giving themselves” with vaginal, basically because their unconscious mind knows that pregnancy is a possibility. This leads to a stronger bond, which is a good thing in marriage but not such a good thing if you end up breaking up and experiencing heartbreak.

 

You can define the word “virginity” to mean whatever you want I suppose. But, I do think there is something to be said that vaginal sex is more special than the others.

Gotcha:

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2001/jan/23/healthandwellbeing.health2

 

Any encounter can end up in pregnancy, if woman keeps the sperm, and puts it in her vagina in sufficiently short time frame.

Edited August 3, 2011 by rafallus

[Professor X]

OP, I applaud your determination and am looking for the same thing myself.

 

 

 

 

 

There is one important distinction—only vaginal sex can bring about pregnancy. Even with contraception there is a significant chance of that. With BJ’s for example there is no such chance.

 

I think, too, that emotionally women have a significantly stronger experience of “giving themselves” with vaginal, basically because their unconscious mind knows that pregnancy is a possibility. This leads to a stronger bond, which is a good thing in marriage but not such a good thing if you end up breaking up and experiencing heartbreak.

 

You can define the word “virginity” to mean whatever you want I suppose. But, I do think there is something to be said that vaginal sex is more special than the others.

 

 

 

 

I think most people will admit the surface plausibility of this argument. The question is, is it really correct?

 

Here's one piece of evidence that suggests otherwise:

 

http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/USAToday/access/38897964.html?FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS&date=Feb+11%2C+1999&author=William+R.+Mattox+Jr.&pub=USA+TODAY&edition=&startpage=15.A&desc=Aha!+Call+it+the+revenge+of+the+church+ladies

This was an article in USA Today, Feb 1999. Here's the abstract:

 

"Researchers at the University of Chicago seem to think so. Several years ago, when they released the results of the most "comprehensive and methodologically sound" sex survey ever conducted, they reported that religious women experience significantly higher levels of sexual satisfaction than non-religious women.

While this outcome caught some by surprise, the Chicago study was hardly the first to show a link between spirituality and sexuality. In fact, a 1940s Stanford University study, a 1970s Redbook magazine survey of 100,000 women and at least one other study from the early 1990s all found higher levels of sexual satisfaction among women who attend religious services religiously.

Instead, at least four other factors appear to be responsible for the link between spiritual commitment and sexual fulfillment. First, church ladies appear to benefit from their lack of sexual experience prior to marriage. That's right; several studies (including the Redbook survey) show that women who engage in early sexual activity and those who have had multiple partners are less apt to express satisfaction with their sex lives than women who entered marriage with little or no sexual baggage."

 

Here's another thing. People have been making your argument for about the last 50 years, saying that more sexual experimentation and freedom would lead to better sex lives and happier marriages. Yet, during the same period the divorce rate has skyrocketed. It seems awfully difficult to me to believe that the greater sexual freedom could really be helping. It seems rather more likely that it's hurting.

 

It's well and good to say that you're going to find someone who is perfectly compatible and then marry them and be happy. But, sexual tastes and desires change the same as other types do. You could be married five years and then find that your perfect compatibility is gone because you both went in different directions. That's why what's more important in marriage is a willingness to work together for each other's good rather than expecting the other person to essentially match your desires.

 

So, do you have any evidence that supports your position, other than just the simple statement “test drive before you buy” and things like that?

 

Scott

 

Glad you brought it up.

 

I've encountered this before and I can tell you a few things:

 

* Majority of those researches are biased; i.e. were pre-ordered by the religious organization.

 

* Most (and by that I mean 99%) of religious women don't actually know any better (it's a fact) and when asked if their sex life, a.k.a. their marriage (yes, those 2 are the same for them) is satisfactory, they would reply with a yes.

 

* "Yet, during the same period the divorce rate has skyrocketed" - this attempt at correlating sexual freedom with divorce rate is futile; I can say that the divorce rate skyrocketed after the invention of the computer, or after the growth sprout of feminism or after a certain war or simply because a certain president was elected.

 

 

Imagine this: Imagine you didn't know what chocolate(orgasm) is; Now, so far you've eaten your waffles(sex) w/o chocolate(orgasm) and then I come and ask you, how do you enjoy your waffles(sex)? What would you answer me? you'd say "I like my waffles(sex) very much" - now, this is true only because you don't know what you're missing on.

 

My preference is not to live in the dark: I'd rather know about the chocolate and seek to get it, than not know about it and be satisfied with what I have.

 

Ignorance isn't bliss

 

 

HOWEVER, I do agree that there's a correlation between spirituality (not to be confused with religious) and good sex, especially for women.

[KathyM]

I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?

It will kill your chances with him only if he values sex more than character. If staying pure means that's a deal breaker for him, then good riddance. Your attitude is refreshing, and rare in this day and age. Very admirable. There are men out there who value a women for her character and good qualities, and would respect her for having the morals that you have. My husband was a big-time player before I met him. His friends would tell me he'd go to some event and come home with five women's phone numbers in one evening. Never at a loss for female companionship. I was the only one of the bunch that showed any sense of morality. Guess who got the man in the end?