Dua Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?
UmsteadE Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around?It definitely would for me. Sex is an important ingredient in a relationship and without that, there's no point. You might want to find a man that shares your same views regarding this topic. Tell the man from the beginning, not when you've been dating him for many months. If he's okay with that then he'll wait. If not he'll break up. Unfortunately I had to break up with a past ex over this because it took her so long to tell me she was waiting till marriage. I thought she was waiting till being ready, not marriage.
musemaj11 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 If you are religious, find a man who is just as religious. Its not hard.
Anxiety Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I would not. With out sex your nothing more than good friend. Plus, what if after we were married I find out that she doesn't like sex or can't have it for some reason. I would feel cheated.
make me believe Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 It will definitely kill your chances with a lot of guys. But if waiting until marriage is important to you, you just have to hold out until you find a guy who feels the same way. I definitely think you should be up front about it with guys that you date, even if it causes them to break up with you. It's a very important thing and I would be pissed if I wasted a couple of months on a guy who then told me he was waiting till marriage for sex. (I did not wait and would not have dated a guy who was waiting.)
Fondue Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Does this include oral sex? If you were quite talented in the field of fellatio and offered it very frequently, I'm sure that would improve your chances of getting a dude to wait till marriage. Not trying to be funny or a douche, just being honest. A good BJ goes a longggggggggg way.
Desensitized Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Does this include oral sex? If you were quite talented in the field of fellatio and offered it very frequently, I'm sure that would improve your chances of getting a dude to wait till marriage. Not trying to be funny or a douche, just being honest. A good BJ goes a longggggggggg way. ^^This. If you truly want to wait 'til marriage, then keep it that way. Or, date him for a REALLY long time and then decide whether you want to have sex with him or not before marriage. Like everyone said, it's up to you. If he leaves you because you don't give him sex, try to find someone that respects your view/has the same in mind.
Author Dua Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Haha, well let me tell you. Im a 23 year old virgin and im sure i think about sex more than the average male teen. I have no worry about my sexual drive in the future. And yes, I have been intimate in other ways I have been approached by many men and i do tell them from the beginning what to expect. Thing is it's f'n hard. Some have tried to change my mind, some have left from the start, some try and fail (cheat). Some rush into marriage proposals!!! It's gotten out of hand however the above facts make me want to wait even more. I think the man who does end up waiting, out of true intentions, is truly going to deserve the privilege of knowing he was my only.
Jynxx Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Absolutely not. Why would you marry someone without knowing you're compatible? Seems like a receipe for a terrible sex life for the rest of your life, not just for him but for you too, op. You'll only keep people who won't see sex as something important, and I don't think those will be the big talents, A big part of those won't be able to fullfill your needs.
Desensitized Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Absolutely not. Why would you marry someone without knowing you're compatible? Seems like a receipe for a terrible sex life for the rest of your life, not just for him but for you too, op. You'll only keep people who won't see sex as something important, and I don't think those will be the big talents, A big part of those won't be able to fullfill your needs. I laugh every time I see the whole "I need to see whether she's a good f*** before I marry her or not." Just because the first time sucks; it normally always will when you're a virgin and you lose your virginity on a wedding night, it won't always be this way. You and your husband will be able to learn all the fun and exciting things; the best part of that is, it will be just YOU and HIM. You're going to give your husband something he will appreciate very much; that is your body. Nothing is more attractive than a woman that respects her body like a sacred temple 1
Professor X Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I think the man who does end up waiting, out of true intentions, is truly going to deserve the privilege of knowing he was my only. Unless, of course, you end up realizing that the 2 of you are simply not physically compatible. Gonna suck being married with ****ty sex-life, don't you think? But than again, you never had sex, so you don't actually know what it is that's so important about it. With all due respect to your belief, for me it equals to arranged marriage, or blind-marriage; Sex is a huge part of a RS and I, and many others, won't gamble our life (marriage - let's not take it light as many do) without this factor known.
sagetalk Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around? I believe it is the most sensible and safest decision for a young woman to make. Many girls despise safe and want a wild, edgy, ride through life full of chaotic emotional roller coaster relationships. It's your choice. If a guy dumps you over this, you are better off without him. I would say the highest quality men you will meet in life will respect your decision and that will not cause them to leave you. However, remember, that the highest possible quality is rarely anywhere near the majority. I wish you well.
Author Dua Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Speaking out of assumption as I do not have any experience. However I would believe that those talented people you speak about have gained that talent trough experience and practice. In that case, i guess that talent can be mastered during a marriage as well. Also, sooner or later isnt the whole act just routine? If practiced with the same person..i don't believe any big talents would come as a surprise to both partners. So i guess, in both cases weather in a sexual relationship or not..at the end of the day were all going to be having terrible sex haha
Desensitized Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Speaking out of assumption as I do not have any experience. However I would believe that those talented people you speak about have gained that talent trough experience and practice. In that case, i guess that talent can be mastered during a marriage as well. This is what I was saying :D:D Like I said, people just like to use the aforementioned excuse to milk the cow without actually having to BUY the cow.
Professor X Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Speaking out of assumption as I do not have any experience. However I would believe that those talented people you speak about have gained that talent trough experience and practice. In that case, i guess that talent can be mastered during a marriage as well. Also, sooner or later isnt the whole act just routine? If practiced with the same person..i don't believe any big talents would come as a surprise to both partners. So i guess, in both cases weather in a sexual relationship or not..at the end of the day were all going to be having terrible sex haha The day you see sex as a routine is the day you know your sex life has died. You need to think of sex as you think of yourself: Do you know yourself? Yes, you do; How do you know yourself? Life experience - your family, your friends, your past and current lovers, etc etc; Do you think you can be compatible with anyone you want? No, you can't. By that logic you can't expect to be compatible with everyone when it comes to sex; In time, after you've married someone, and you've had sex for a while, you will learn that there are things you like, you will learn how much you like sex (if at all), etc etc.. All I can is, if your partner won't be in par with you, you will have a bad sex life. If you will have a higher sex drive than him, it will suck for you, if he will have a higher sex drive than you, it will suck for you; You will like it rough, he might like it soft, you might like it kinky, he might like it normal, etc etc...
Jynxx Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Speaking out of assumption as I do not have any experience. However I would believe that those talented people you speak about have gained that talent trough experience and practice. In that case, i guess that talent can be mastered during a marriage as well. That's not really the point. My point is you will generally find the best chess players in town at a chess tournament. They generally have a ton of natural ability and have worked on their game alot. You can of course take a random person off the streets, play with him every once in a while while forbidding him to practice with other players. After many years he'll hopefully be improving and somewhat decent at it, but there will be no comparing him to the ones that were passionate about the game beforehand. Also, sooner or later isnt the whole act just routine? ... So i guess, in both cases weather in a sexual relationship or not..at the end of the day were all going to be having terrible sex haha With that mentality I'm sure you will.
musemaj11 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 My exwife was a virgin and she wanted to wait. We dated for two years before marriage and it was no big deal. We waited after the wedding to have intercourse. What is the big deal? The big deal is that in the 50s, most people waited. Today, even most women wouldn't want to be with a guy who won't put out until marriage.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Sexual compatibility is very important and how will you find out whether you are compatible unless you do it? After marriage you could be stuck with an unfulfilling sex life. I was brought up a Christian and met a woman, got engaged. We were both really adament we weren't going to have sex until we were married, but that resolve quickly deteriorated, because after all, we're human and we have those natural urges. No amount of religion is going to change what we are deep down. Still, we didn't get a lot of opportunities and it was never considered an issue. We married after a year of knowing each other and then moved in together. Although we had an active sex life in the first year, it was never fulfilling as we just weren't sexually compatable. But I didn't really figure that out until after we split and met another woman who I was much more compatable with and sex was a lot more fulfilling. I guess you may be a Christian and want to "remain pure", but I don't think you'll be doing your relationship any favours if you do. I believe religion is way out of touch when it comes to this reality. Now I'd never get married unless there was sexual compatibility.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I laugh every time I see the whole "I need to see whether she's a good f*** before I marry her or not." Just because the first time sucks; it normally always will when you're a virgin and you lose your virginity on a wedding night, it won't always be this way. You and your husband will be able to learn all the fun and exciting things; the best part of that is, it will be just YOU and HIM. You're going to give your husband something he will appreciate very much; that is your body. Nothing is more attractive than a woman that respects her body like a sacred temple You'd be silly just to do it once. You do it several times. It's not about whether "they're a good F", or "just wanting to milk the cow"... (unless you're a complete jerk).... but whether your bodies are compatible. Me and my wife weren't and she certainly wasn't the one who wanted to try to experiment. If you're incompatible and you're stuck in marriage, and all your partner wants to do is the missionary position, because anything else is unnatural and not what God would want, then you're... I was gonna say screwed, but that would be a paradox.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Good sex has little to do with physical talent. If a couple is in harmony the sex is amazing with very little effort. Probably way better than with the greatest lover in the universe a long as there is a magical emotional connection. Sex is much more than technique. The latter only applies to people that have sex for sport before having an emotional bond. By the way, if you encounter a man or a woman that complains about getting lousy sex from the spouse, beware. That person is likely a lousy lover and hence the spouse at home reciprocated with equally lousy sex. Definitely disagree with that. My wife complained if she didn't get it every few days. It was more me that found it unfulfilling, I think. But come a different woman... after we broke up... I discovered the compatibility factor and it had nothing to do with practise or experimentation. And I'd have to say that the bond we had was not as strong as the one I had with my wife, in fact it was a very stormy relationship and I did not feel the same deepness of feelings. Now the third relationship was mindblowing. We were compatible and there was a lot more adventure involved. Edited August 3, 2011 by Zaphod B
zlatnapolja Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I understand that sex is very important in a relationship. However, I would really like to wait until Im married. Question, if im in a relationship and i tell him i would like to wait...is it going to kill my chances of keeping him around? How old are you? How important is this no sex thing to you? Have you asked him how he feels about it? In the end its your body, and your experiences. It wont kill you to have sex before youre married. the biggest thing is just.. Imagine you break up with this guy and you'll end up marrying the love of your life, than there might be a chance you'll regret having had sex before you met him. but of course this is something you do not know before hand. As for me, I think I would have wanted to wait.. I didnt though. There are some guys that want to stay virgin too, and some other guys that respect your disision;)
FitChick Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 My aunt wanted to have sex with my uncle before marriage, but he kept putting her off. He treated her "like a lady," she said. What she didn't find out until they were married was that he had no sex drive and didn't even want her to see him naked. He undressed in the closet and wore pajamas to bed. "He screamed like a little girl when I accidentally walked into the bathroom when he was showering." They did manage to have sex maybe once a year to conceive my cousin. Auntie stayed with him for 35 years until he dumped her for someone older (and rich)! She started dating again and went crazy with the senior sex, having it four times in one day with one old dude!
youngskywalker Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 If you are religious, find a man who is just as religious. Its not hard. Exactly that. OP, I wouldn't wait until marriage but then again I'm not the type of guy you would be happy with. Get what I'm saying? Find someone who shares your convictions.
Casablanca Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Does this include oral sex? This, as long as we can fool around, oral sex play (giving and receiving)/hand play, I could do it if I loved the woman...there HAS to be some sort of physical pleasure for it to work for me
Afishwithabike Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I wonder if the husband is also going to be a virgin when he marries her? If not, why not? What's good for the goose should be good for the gander. There often seems to be a double standard where the woman will remain a virgin until the wedding night, but it's fine for the husband to be more experienced. Op - if you want to save sex until you get married, it's a perfectly fine thing to do. It's not what I did, but I'm more of the opinion that naivete is never good preparation for important life events, but that's me and my life. You're doing what you think is right for you and that's what's important. I wouldn't tell you to change your mind. I don't think anyone should pressure you into doing what you don't want to do. I laugh every time I see the whole "I need to see whether she's a good f*** before I marry her or not." Just because the first time sucks; it normally always will when you're a virgin and you lose your virginity on a wedding night, it won't always be this way. You and your husband will be able to learn all the fun and exciting things; the best part of that is, it will be just YOU and HIM. You're going to give your husband something he will appreciate very much; that is your body. Nothing is more attractive than a woman that respects her body like a sacred temple So a woman who isn't a virgin doesn't respect her body? Good girl = virgin Bad girl = not virgin I thought we're past those things now in 2011. I don't have a problem with others remaining virgins if they don't proselytize their sexual morality, or wear their claim of virginity as a public badge of honor.
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