Dua Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Hello all, I need help as I have been yo-yoing around this decision and would like some advice. I had a a break up with my bf about 2 months ago, we have been NC for about 3 weeks. We broke up because well, at the end of the day i can put it simply, i guess he lost interest in our 3 year relationship and claimed he wanted to be alone. Anyway, the break up was pretty tough on me. I tried to make sense of it by contacting him for a while however remained focused to move on until i commit to NC. Since the break up, I have lost nearly 20 pounds and finally got that toned stomach i have always wanted. I have expanded my knowledge of relationships and how they work and learned that love should always be an action. I have gotten back my self respect and confidence. Most importantly, i quit a job i hated and will be moving to Dubai in a few days to start my dream job. Thing is, my ex had some problems going on with his life and he has been depressed for a long time. I am not making excuses for him but that is the case and i believe this is one of the reasons he chose to end it rather than fix it. There was no fighting or name calling. He simply ended the relationship with the usual its not you its me excuse that hurts just as much. I decided on NC when i began to notice negativity and coldness from him, However i decided to move on in order to take advantage of this opportunity to spend some time with me! Question is, shall i tell him that i am moving countries? Shall he find out from my friends? Or should i just leave it. Im open to reconciliation however it has to be after some serious change from his end. Which is the reason i believe i should tell him because i know keeping it from him will hurt him. But then again, he did hurt me and has not made any effort to contact me since the breakup, and that is why i am questioning it. Advice?
GaelicSoul Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 (edited) Hi Dua, Firstly congratulations on keeping NC and your sanity. I feel like this is very similar to my situation. I went out with a girl for almost 3 years,and Dua i loved her to bits. Then 1 day, she called over and decided "i love you but im not in love with you anymore". I was devastated and she broke my heart. The pain and lonliness for the next few months was almost unbearable. So that was 7 months ago. I have been in NC since Feb, and have heard nothing from her since. Not a peep. Since then i have regained my self esteem, my confidence and like you quit a job i hated after 6 years. Im planning on moving abroad to Australia while touring SE Asia in 2 weeks time. Im really excited and cant wait. I have learned a lot about myself, and i will never ever ever again tolerate that BS, the red flags, wishy washiness and mind games i went through with her. No decent loving human deserves that. It took me a few months to get to where i am today. Do not contact under any circumstances contact your ex. You owe him nothing. Concentrate and continue doing things for you. Its simple, one step at a time. This is what i have learned after all these months, and so will you. Your ex isnt a great catch. In fact i know when you go abroad you will meet so many wonderful new friends and who knows, your real soulmate. For if somebody loves you they dont give you "its not you its me" i got that before with the same ex. Im 28 now, i dont need that crap and worry in my life anymore. Let him find out himself that your gone abroad, dont tell him. It wont achieve anything. If he misses you or whatever, he will contact. But dont hold your breath. He sounds like his confused and doesnt know what he wants in life. Girl get yourself a Man. We are out there you know I hope you have the time of your life abroad, and keep in touch and let us know how your getting on. In a few months time, this will all be a distant memory, you will be happier, more (would love to see that new stomach haha) and continue growing as a person. Whats for you wont pass you in life. All the best GS Edited August 2, 2011 by GaelicSoul
Author Dua Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 GaelicSoul, I can not thank you enough. I read your post over and over and although my intuition told me i shouldn't tell him, i am now completely confident to leave without telling him. I will leave the relationship in my past and focus on my future. When i settle and achieve the happiness i deserve, i will think of you and wish you the best. Thank you.
GaelicSoul Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Your Welcome Dua, keep in touch and if you need any advice please message. Your doing great, good things are on the way for you.
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