mortensorchid Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I am 36, I was wondering if anyone else has encountered these issues (men as well as women, and no matter what age you may be). In recent years - as in the last two or three - I have begun to notice something. It is a proven fact that the older you get the less likely you are to use a condom should the situation present itself. In the past, I had never encountered a man, be he my age, older or even younger than me, who never seemed to have a problem using one - whether they brought one with them or vice versa. In the last few years, however, I have started to encounter guys who are not happy about wearing them and actually whine a bit about my asking them to use one. I have said to them that was the end of the argument. They are going to use it and there were no ifs, ands or buts about it. Now don't get me wrong here, no one LIKES using them. As we age, the number of sex partners we have tends to go down, and I think we all go through times when we are more promiscuous. But, I am concerned about STDs and AIDS, you simply do not know where the person has been before your paths have crossed. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a man to use a condom. Why do they whine about it so much? Can I have some insights?
zengirl Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I think part of why I've never had casual sex were condoms. I've used them, but very rarely. (But I rarely have sex before I've been dating a guy for several weeks to several months, and we're in an exclusive relationship and have been tested and all that jazz.) I've been with guys who really struggled with orgasm with a condom, and I kind of feel stifled myself. That said, anyone used to the casual sex drill should be used to using them, and I often even use them at the beginnings of a relationship. But I'm young. I've actually noticed responsible condom use (as in expecting to use one without my asking) seems more common of men in their 30s than in their 20s. But no data on subsets beyond that. A lot of the guys I used to date would always ask why I wasn't just on the pill (I'm only on BC after I'm in a relationship; hence condoms early on). Guys I've dated lately have been very careful to express absolutely no opinion about it until I say I'm going to get on the pill and I hate condoms---then they kind of seem like, "Phew, me too, but I didn't want to say it since it's not my body." Maybe I just started dating nicer guys. Or they just know better now.
Queen Zenobia Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I agree with you here. All partners should use condoms until there is some level of commitment and both parties are found to be clean. After that a couple should decide what form of birth control they want to use (many choose not to use condoms). I have no idea why these men are whining about having to wear one. I can only think that perhaps they're used to being in LTRs in which the women they were with were on the pill or IUD, etc. Even so, you would think that most adults would have at least a rudimentary sense of responsibility.
sm1tten Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I haven't noticed this, so much. In my twenties, only two guys ever tried to get by without using a condom, and I put a kibosh on that. Bareback is only for serious relationships where we trust one another, not for the first or second time we've slept together. Of the two, one was just a reckless human being. The other was a doctor - and interestingly, equally reckless. Those were actually red flags to me, their insistence upon not using a condom. I do realise that sex feels different with a condom - it feels different to me too. And nope, it's not the sexiest thing in the world. But most guys I know just accept it as a fact that the girl is going to ask for one or are interested in protecting themselves too. ETA: The only relationships in which there has been no condom use, in both cases the guys involved told me that it was partly because they had grown ill-used to using them due to LTRs and celibacy and therefore found it uncomfortable, etc. But both of them let me know that if I wanted to continue to use condoms they would have no problem with respecting that.
OliveOyl Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 (edited) An actual big advantage of being older. We're both clean, and partner has been snipped. No condoms... no messing around with b/c! YAY!!!!!!!! In my marriage we used condoms for a while because I never used hormonal b/c. I know condoms are necessary in many instances but even the smell of them turns me off... ugh. Why do men whine? Because they are such a drag. However, I DO think it's VERY reasonable... no not reasonable... necessary... to ask/demand a new partner to use condoms. Until you get to an age/situation they are not needed, they are a requirement. Edited August 2, 2011 by OliveOyl
musemaj11 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Not wearing a condom is the dumbest idea a man could do. A short moment of pleasure isnt worth the possibility of receiving a baby at your doorstep.
sally4sara Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Not wearing a condom is the dumbest idea a man could do. A short moment of pleasure isnt worth the possibility of receiving a baby at your doorstep. Yes I'm sure your parents cringed when you showed up.
KathyM Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I am 36, I was wondering if anyone else has encountered these issues (men as well as women, and no matter what age you may be). In recent years - as in the last two or three - I have begun to notice something. It is a proven fact that the older you get the less likely you are to use a condom should the situation present itself. In the past, I had never encountered a man, be he my age, older or even younger than me, who never seemed to have a problem using one - whether they brought one with them or vice versa. In the last few years, however, I have started to encounter guys who are not happy about wearing them and actually whine a bit about my asking them to use one. I have said to them that was the end of the argument. They are going to use it and there were no ifs, ands or buts about it. Now don't get me wrong here, no one LIKES using them. As we age, the number of sex partners we have tends to go down, and I think we all go through times when we are more promiscuous. But, I am concerned about STDs and AIDS, you simply do not know where the person has been before your paths have crossed. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a man to use a condom. Why do they whine about it so much? Can I have some insights? Definately, insist that they use a condom at all times. You never know where they've been, and you sure as heck don't want to catch something nasty from them. They don't want to wear a condom, because sex feels better without one, but don't let them talk you into going bareback. The risks are too great, and they need to respect your wishes about this.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 I absolutely agree that both should wear them, no question about that. I do believe that those who are in LTRs could consider not using them (I've been in three LTRs as an adult, as well as one that I thought was going to be an LTR that turned out to be only 2 months - as of this writing I have experienced bareback with two of those said mentioned men) and instead using hormonal birth control. I guess I have encountered a few guys who are completely reckless then. I've noticed that some older guys tend to have maintaining when they have one on. However, I do not feel that because of this should any of them think that it's ok to do it without one. And I think that should be a red flag to anyone who encounters a person who doesn't want to use one. What is really REALLY unbelievable is the fact that two of these reckless men said that they ended up having children and STILL whine about it. But no worries, neither of those got away with it with me. Apparently people are just reckless and do not think, but when you meet someone who got caught in said situation and are still whining, it makes you think.
Cypress25 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 In the last few years, however, I have started to encounter guys who are not happy about wearing them and actually whine a bit about my asking them to use one. I have said to them that was the end of the argument. They are going to use it and there were no ifs, ands or buts about it. These guys are obviously not used to encountering smart women such as yourself. I think it is a more recent phenomenon because hormonal birth control is becoming more popular and that makes people think they don't need condoms. Truly, I don't know how people can be so stupid. If everyone used a condom every time, that would be the end of STD's. And if everyone used a condom AND birth control every time, that would be the end of unplanned pregnancies. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a man to use a condom. It's not unreasonable at all. In fact, I wouldn't have sex with a guy who even tried to convince me to have sex without a condom. Because that tells me that he doesn't care about me at all. He's totally selfish. He doesn't care if I get an STD, he doesn't care if I get pregnant, he doesn't care what happens to me, he's only worried about his own pleasure. Why do they whine about it so much? Because men are big babies. Actually I don't want to generalize that way, some men are very considerate and responsible and use a condom every time. The men who whine about using condoms are big babies. Big selfish babies. I mean, I don't always enjoy the side effects of my birth control pill, but I still take it every day because that's what it takes to mitigate risk. Guys who try to get out of using a condom are living in a fantasy world. In this fantasy world, they don't have to worry about anything because other people will take responsibility instead. ("I don't have to worry about preventing pregnancy or STD's. Let women worry about that!") In their fantasy world, they get 100% of the pleasures of sex, and 0% of the consequences. ("If I used a condom, that would bring my pleasure down to 95%. That is unacceptable, I demand 100% pleasure. And if she gets sick or pregnant as a result, that's not my problem. She'll be stuck with 100% of the consequences, but that's OK because I'll still get 100% pleasure.") You get the idea. Don't waste your time on these douchebags.
carhill Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I'm 52, have had four sexual partners and used condoms with all of them, including my exW of ten years, up until we got engaged, since we both wanted children and were 40 at the time. Prior, we used condoms because of ill side-effects of hormonal BC for her. First thing I did when contemplating dating again was pick up some fresh ones. If/when I start dating in earnest where sexual activity becomes a possibility, then I'll get a current STD test panel. If I find myself in a LTR again with a fertile woman (unlikely at my age but who knows) and neither of us want children, I'll get snipped. It's not rocket science. If men whine, date other men. What's with all these alpha males and their whining?
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