Dumpers point of view and why do we think about the exs that treated us bad?

[shanemike88]

I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months now. I ended it with her and I went a little over a month of NC and broke it a few days ago. I have received no response. I thought I was completely fine but now I see myself going backwards. I want to call again but deep deep down I still have negative emotions about her as a person and how she treated me was horrible. As the dumper why all of a sudden 3 months later are these emotions coming back? Is it normal?

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I was in the same situation once upon a time and for me I also would waiver back and forth about how horrible he was to me but it didn't make me want to contact him. I had said everything I needed to say before leaving him. I would also feel bad about breaking his heart though. That hurt me alot that I had to do it but it was just somthing that needed to be done.

 

I think revisting emotions of past situations is normal...But unless there is some way things could be fixed I wouldn't contact her. True closuer will only come from you, when you find a way to deal with it to move past those feelings.

[sun_moon]

I can completely relate to you! Its been about 3 months for me as well and I get angry at myself for missing him or wondering how he's doing because in my logical mind he doesnt deserve that attention. I felt he mistreated me as well.

 

My question to you is, perhaps you didn't deal/grieve the loss of the relationship after it ended, did you?

 

Did you involve yourself prematurely with someone else after?

 

If you responded yes to either or both, then this is your emotions natural way of having it come out, finally, since it was repressed.

 

If your response is no, then perhaps your just going through a cycle and will eventually snap out of it.

 

I find myself in these cyclical emotions, I'm fine for a long time and then BAM a few weeks later, I go through a day where I have to cry a little, a few days later, I'm ok again.

 

I have noticed that each time, the cycle is shorter, and I am stronger. Hopefully one day it will end all together.

 

Hope this helps.

[D-Lish]

You just have to keep reminding yourself that you broke up with her for a reason.

 

Remorse and regret are normal initially. I've broken up with someone and second guessed it because I felt lonely.

[shanemike88]

I can completely relate to you! Its been about 3 months for me as well and I get angry at myself for missing him or wondering how he's doing because in my logical mind he doesnt deserve that attention. I felt he mistreated me as well.

 

My question to you is, perhaps you didn't deal/grieve the loss of the relationship after it ended, did you?

 

Did you involve yourself prematurely with someone else after?

 

If you responded yes to either or both, then this is your emotions natural way of having it come out, finally, since it was repressed.

 

If your response is no, then perhaps your just going through a cycle and will eventually snap out of it.

 

I find myself in these cyclical emotions, I'm fine for a long time and then BAM a few weeks later, I go through a day where I have to cry a little, a few days later, I'm ok again.

 

I have noticed that each time, the cycle is shorter, and I am stronger. Hopefully one day it will end all together.

 

Hope this helps.

 

I did go out on a few dates and I frequently saw one girl for about a month and a half. However it never turned into anything. I guess I am feeling a little lonely which I haven't felt like this at all over the 3 months. It felt great because when I saw her out a few times in the beginning it didn't bother me. She would text me weekly when she saw me out saying how its pretty sad I have to follow her. So eventually I got tired of the games and just started going to places I know 100% she won't be.

 

She definitely isn't worth my time any little thing she could pick a fight with me over she did it. I got a puppy when we were still together and she was so jealous of the thing that she tried to talk me out of getting it because she was afraid I was going to spend more time with the dog over her. I've graduated college and all my friends are pretty much in relationships now. I see my friends Facebook status's that say going on vacation with their boyfriends or girlfriends, moving in together, just doing normal couple things that we never did. It's so damn depressing. Sorry for the vent

[Bubby]

I think that everyone forgets that both the dumper and dumpee are hurt through the process of breaking up. When I have broken up with a person I usually have started my grief process long before I have done it. But there is still that normal sense of having someone around and the routine of a relationship no matter the situation. It's just normal part and parcel of letting go of a relationship to grieve on both sides. There is always some element of sadness.