Geya Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Time somehow seems to make it worse, I seem to forget the flaws and idealize my ex, like there's no one who compares to him.. I want to take him off that pedestal because he doesn't deserve it
smudge21 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 You can't push him off, you just have to wait until he's no longer there one day. Whatever you've been doing to heal hasn't been working, so make some changes, do something totally different and go places new. To be honest though, depending on how the break up was, I sometimes think the ex's stay on the pedestal. I know I still see mine as someone very special, but I can handle that. We parted as friends. That said, one day I won't even be thinking about her or her pedestal. She will be part of my past, a fond memory and still special, but just another person in the past. You'll get there too, but there's no time limit on healing.
antinko Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 The fact is that they're just another person, no better nor worse. Of course we put them on a pedestal (I'm guilty of that), but they don't deserve it. In fact, in lots of cases, they probably wouldn't even want you to do that.
smudge21 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Well said, they are one in 6.7 billion people, but once they're on that pedestal it's hard to imagine not feeling that way - even though you never knew them before you met. It is annoying.
antinko Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Well said, they are one in 6.7 billion people, but once they're on that pedestal it's hard to imagine not feeling that way - even though you never knew them before you met. It is annoying. Oh yeh, I totally hear you on that one. As I said, I go through days genuinely believing I'm practically over her, and then, like today, I just randomly started crying. I was so sad because I wasn't doing anything, it was a beautiful day and I'd planned to do some wonderful things with her this holiday... But then I had to force myself to remember she made the choice to leave. I said everything I could and did everything I could to be a good boyfriend, but no, she walked so... Just have to accept it. I'm trying to think of a way of taking her off the pedestal whenever I put her back on it. I've tried thinking about all her bad features, but then I just feel guilty about doing that... I just have to tell myself what I posted above and also tell myself that she's incompatible with me and I'll find the right person at some point. It doesn't work great because feelings are utter bastards, but it's a start.
Mack05 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Geya get the book 'getting past your breakup'. There is a chapter in there called the 'Relationship Inventory'. Go through that. Not only will u kick your ex off the pedastal, you will realise they have zero class or personality..U will actually question what u ever saw in them in the first place...Real eye opener
fetish1980 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 i have to echo antinko. It will be 6 months since my breakup with my ex. She tried to come back in June and is still working on me. I still love her, just not with all of my heart anymore. I've realized i have to have room left to love myself and put myself first. I even go into feeling guilty for not wanting to take her back and its harder to realize that one day she will be completely gone from my life and i would've wrecked the only chance of us getting back together. but like antinko said, i have to remind myself, that i tried everything in my power to save the relationship. I tried to talk, begged, and pleaded about the things she was doing that i told her was tearing us apart. Rather than try to fix things, she grew even more distant and mean and then finally left. Within 3 weeks after the breakup, she tried to say we can still be together, just not living together. Hell, we were engaged! From that point on, i had to realize how much of a disservice i've been doing to myself for the last 8 years i've been with her. It's not that i can't give her a second chance, matter fact she was on her 5th or 6th chance. But what i need to do is give "Myself" a chance!
confused1989 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I agree that time sometimes does make things worse in the sense that you tend to forget about the negative stuff sometimes. But if you make notes (literally) of the bad it can keep you reminded of it all. I understand what you're saying Geya because I felt that way too, but time can also be your best friend if you do the right things. I went from seeing my ex as a goddess, to being angry and frustrated at what happened, to being accepting of what happened, and now she's starting to just become any other girl. Actually I can agree with what Mack is saying in the sense that I do think about why I stayed with her from time to time as I'm seeing her completely different as each month goes on. Like fetish, antinko, and others have said... they made the choice to leave and there's nothing you can do. Doesn't mean they deserve to be on a pedestal and doesn't mean they are any better than you. The only person who deserves to be on the pedestal is yourself and trust me I know how you feel and how frustrated you are trying to get him to come off it, but it will come. If you want you can just read through my old threads and see how frustrated I was and how much I was idolizing my ex, and now I can honestly say I want nothing to do with her and it doesn't bother me at all anymore to say that. I'm in a much better place now than I was a few months ago.
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Time somehow seems to make it worse, I seem to forget the flaws and idealize my ex, like there's no one who compares to him.. I want to take him off that pedestal because he doesn't deserve it Well, keep remembering the flaws and your idealization for him will fade and as your feelings and emotion detach from being away from him. Training and feeding your brain with the constant romanticizing of this man will always keep you looking up at him on his pedestal. Time is making it worse because all you use it for is to fill your mind with fantasies of what a wonderful man he was. When you start feeling the warm and fuzzies, snap out of it and start training your brain to remember the reality of him. You have the power to control what you want to think and what you want to remember.
D-Lish Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I remember the first time I ever watched my ex play ball hockey. He ran like a girl, on his tippy-toes, and my response was ----> That memory sometimes helps me to at least shove him off for a small period of time:D
geegirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I remember the first time I ever watched my ex play ball hockey. He ran like a girl, on his tippy-toes, and my response was ----> That memory sometimes helps me to at least shove him off for a small period of time:D :laugh:
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