All of my problems, if anyone would care to me out.

[Enjaycee]

I find it somewhat odd that I come here to confess all my little problems and insecurities instead of talking to other people about it in person. Perhaps I find it more comfortable to confess to complete strangers online than to my friends in public (no offense to anyone here). But anyway, here goes.

 

Currently I'm a 19 year old kid living at home with his parents who's getting rocked in the face by life in general. The current problems with me are:

 

-Often times I feel inferior to just about everyone else I know. My girlfriend, my coworkers, my family, my friends. My girlfriend thinks I'm awesome but I think that she's better because she's smarter and is independent and knows how to handle almost everything that can be thrown at her, and everybody loves her. It seems like she's matured already and is just waiting to get her degree before she can get a good job doing what she wants to do. I'm surprised how I somehow always find something to talk to her about with my lack of knowledge about just about everything. I often keep my mouth shut around my coworkers because sometimes they talk about things that I don't even know about that I think I should already know about, like cars, movies, games, politics, etc. My dad is the man of the house, always taking care of business and doing a damn good job of keeping a roof over our heads until I head off to college. I want to be able to handle everything like he can. My mom is always taking care of everything around the house and keeping things clean and taking care of me and our dogs while juggling a part time job. My brother seems to not care about anything and is just waiting to head off to college for his first year, sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about every little thing. My friends from high school who I hang out with on the weekends are all pretty laid back and just talk about stuff like video games and computers, and seem to accept or not really care that I don't talk very much about the same stuff they do. I feel most comfortable around them.

 

-My feelings of inferiority bring about this urge for me to go online and look up news articles, wikipedia entries and such to learn a little something about the world everyday. I'm always constantly trying to find ways to improve my knowledge. I am a victim of ambition in that I want to learn just about everything, or at least enough so that I know what people are talking about. I'm often not okay with being blissfully ignorant, I'd rather be woefully aware.

 

-Money is always a big issue with me. I can't seem to hold onto money to save my life. Oftentimes my money goes into buying gas for the two cars I drive that I share regularly with my brother and mother. I spend a little something on my girlfriend every so often, she even says I spoil her, and I've been trying to cut back but I always end up wanting to spend money to do something fun with her. I hardly spent anything on myself except once this summer to see a movie with my friends from high school.

 

-My manager at the restaurant I work is giving me less and less hours because of my poor performance waiting tables at work, although I know I can do better if I just stick with smaller sections, but he's convinced that I can't wait tables so he's not scheduling me as much for the position that I want to excel in. It would pointless to quit right now and try to get a new job because I'm moving into my dorm in a few weeks anyway.

 

-I've also gotten my first speeding ticket a few days ago and I'm waiting to pay it off and take a defensive driving course to keep the points off my record. I'm really hoping it doesn't affect the insurance. The insurance is under my father's name, no I haven't told him and I'm hoping to just straighten it out as soon as I can (going this route is unmanly of me, I know, but I just want it to be taken care of). This also contributes to the money problem, even though this one is my own fault.

 

-This inferiority feeling and the ambition to conquer it are taking up my daily life. There are things I want to do but I am often trapped at home worrying about these things instead of thinking about the things I want to do, and the other things needing taken care of that I haven't done all summer.

 

-I've already posted about the kissing problem I have with my girlfriend in the dating section of the forums. I don't think there's a need to talk about it again here.

 

Everything seems to be piling up on me and it's all going to blow up eventually. Right now I'm trying to live life out until I move out to college and start taking classes again. I'm 19 years old and according to another manager at the same restaurant I work at I'm too young to be trying to learn how to take care of myself. When I was 18 I was laid back and I didn't care all too much about anything except doing well in school, now I'm 19 and I have all these things hitting me in the face, and it's like I'm constantly playing catch-up with everyone and everything. I'm getting a big wake-up call from the real world, and I'm unable to answer it because I don't know how.

 

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this. Any little tidbits of advice are appreciated as well.

[FitChick]

Google the info in my signature and you will learn a lot about yourself and how to change your beliefs. It works!

[PelicanPete]

Hey Enjaycee. It feels like I can relate to a lot of what you're saying because I recently was experiencing the some of the same doubts about my life. It was only about a year ago now when I was 19 that I felt very inferior and immature.

 

At 18, you feel like you understand how life works. I kept a bit of a journal when I was that age so it is amazing how much my thoughts and perceptions have evolved in two years. I had a lot of responsibility and pressure of the "real world" in my earlier teens, but there is something about turning 19 that caused a dramatic shift for me. It felt like I moved onto classifying myself as being a sorry excuse of a man instead of an advanced and matured teenager, and that made me feel really unhappy about myself. Instead of comparing myself to teenagers, I started comparing myself to men. I always felt inadequate because they had so much more experience and knew so much more about general day to day living then I did. I always felt so awkward and out of place, and felt like I should know and be able to do all sorts of things because I was legally a man.

 

As long as you have a thirst for knowledge, and you give yourself a goal of what type of person you want to become, it will all come naturally with time. I learned so much general knowledge and all sorts of things about myself within a year mainly because I wanted to learn. I was always comparing myself to 40 and 50 year old men and trying to adapt some of their qualities, and by doing that I have become a lot more resourceful and aware then most my age. Push yourself into doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable everyday if you can, and within a year you will be surprised with how much you've learned.

 

Trust me, in this situation knowing is half the battle. The fact that you are aware of all this just shows that you're on the right track already. Live how you want to live and do what you want to do. Make a conscious effort on habits and characteristics you want to adapt, and over time it will stick.