Enjaycee Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 My girlfriend and I talked about this last night. She raised the issue of the kissing not being as great as it used to. She says she misses that feeling of getting butterflies when we kiss. Before I was able to give her butterflies but only with some kisses at random times, it's like hit and miss. And I can tell when I give her a good kiss because she begins to moan. I tried to kiss her "like I love her" multiple times last night, but the only time I gave her butterflies was when I said I always get the urge to kiss her "when I stare into your eyes". The temporary fix right now is that we're going to go without kissing each other at all for at least two weeks and then start back up to see if she will be able to feel it again. I'm having a tough time trying to find out how to fix this. I feel like it's my fault that I can't kiss her the way she wants me to. The thing is I don't know what it is that I do when I kiss her in the way that she likes it. I know kissing is really important in the relationship, and that its a determiner in how well the relationship goes. She said that she doesn't want us to "downgrade to friendship" because the kissing is going in the other direction. This is the main cause for concern for me, because I don't want the passion in our relationship to fade just because the kissing is bad. I feel like the two-week thing is going to make things worse too, like somehow things will just go downhill if there's no kissing involved, even if we're both intentionally not doing it for experimental purposes. I love this girl so much, and I want to be able to give her that butterfly feeling again, but I don't know what to do, guys. Help please?
Casablanca Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 butterflies and honeymoon periods always end how long have you two been together? does she think kissing isnt as good just because of lack of butterflies? maybe let your hands wonder a bit while kissing her
Author Enjaycee Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 We've been dating for 8 months now. And yes that seems to be the case. And often times I try to stroke her hair and rub her hips and back and such when we kiss. Does the passion end that early? I really don't think so.
Casablanca Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 We've been dating for 8 months now. And yes that seems to be the case. And often times I try to stroke her hair and rub her hips and back and such when we kiss. Does the passion end that early? I really don't think so. Passion, no? But that whole new feeling most typically would have at that point Also are we talking like making out or just an in public kiss or something?
Cee Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 This is in your girlfriend's mind so you have to stimulate her brain. Tease her and talk sexy. Whisper something in her ear at a party or whatever. Make her want to kiss you and then she might feel the spark. But really she needs to do the same to you. Drive each other wild.
LexiB Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 It sounds like she's hedging the future of your relationship on achieving and maintaining a feeling that is naturally ephemeral and unpredictable in the first place. Are you guys teenagers by chance, b/c she sounds really, really young. I understand wanting to get butterflies but to expect them all the time and worse, to try to force them into existence...it's a a very "high school" way of thinking.
Zaphod B Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 She'll certainly be in for some major disappointments if she expects butterflies to continue on forever. It's would be lovely if you could, but alas, that isn't so. At least for the majority of us! I hope she's not going to use that as an excuse to dump you. She'll be going from one guy to the next and never settling down if she expects them . Hopefully she will be able to see that she can still have a meaninful loving relationship without the need for buttlerflies.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 This is what you do: This is easy..... No kissing for two weeks? Time to tease... On occasion, when she least expects it, and dont talk about it, : Brush your finger, really lightly across the back of her neck, or the front. Then another day, under her chin. After you do these, if she looks at you, you walk away, with a glance and a smirk on your face, even a wink. Brush something lightly across her back, light smack on the ass... Grab her hand, and with one finger, stroke up her arm, slowly, then walk away. Even do it while youre talking about something else. Grab her hands, give her a twirl, pull her close then walk away, like a salsa dancer. The idea is to be spontaneous and fun, and tease her with touch and walk away like you KNOW it gives her tingles, and its effortless to you. You know its working if she gives any kind of smile, while lookin you in the eye, or a giggle. But you never give in to the kiss. If she tries, you say "ah ah, no kissing for (14) more days! You said so!" After a few days of this, she wont be able to stand it, and she will jump you. Just be ready for it, and assume it can happen at any time. make sure your breath is always fresh too. Dont do this all the time, but depending on your opportunities and the amount of time you spend together, once a day...twice if youre together all day. Everytime you do it, she will remember the last time you do it, and it should build up more butterflies every time until she can take it anymore.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I say rather than kissing her like you love her, kiss her like you want to do her. That always gets me swoony.
Author Enjaycee Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Yes, we are 19, about to be sophomores in college, and I am referring to making out in private (she can't do PDA). She changed her mind when she came to see me last night and she wanted to kiss me. I was able to give her the butterfly feeling at least once that night. The problem we've established now though is that I don't seem to lead the kisses enough, which leads to her not getting those butterflies. She still loves me and I don't think she will dump me because of lack of butterflies. She knows I'm trying to work on it and that I've been able to do it before. Yes, this may be the high school way of thinking, but I think I can still give her butterflies if I just do things the right way (great advice above btw). I don't think she expects them but would very much like to feel that way again.
make me believe Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 The problem here is your girlfriend's unrealistic expectations. The "butterflies" are gone because they don't last forever. If your girlfriend expects the butterflies to last forever, she's going to have failed relationships all her life. Eddie's advice is cheesey & contrived, IMO. If my husband randomly came up to me and twirled me like a salsa dancer then walked away I'd be like wtf? It certainly would not give me butterflies. And if he ran his finger across my neck and then walked away winking and smirking, I'd just be confused. lol
LexiB Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 The problem here is your girlfriend's unrealistic expectations. The "butterflies" are gone because they don't last forever. If your girlfriend expects the butterflies to last forever, she's going to have failed relationships all her life. Eddie's advice is cheesey & contrived, IMO. If my husband randomly came up to me and twirled me like a salsa dancer then walked away I'd be like wtf? It certainly would not give me butterflies. And if he ran his finger across my neck and then walked away winking and smirking, I'd just be confused. lol :lmao: Ditto!
Bridgey Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 As above posters have said, theres nothing wrong with losing the butterflies. There is a problem with losing the passion though. Instead of focusing on what she isn't feeling, focus on what she is feeling. Ask her is she still enjoys kissing you without the butterfly feeling. If it is still fun and enjoyable then there is nothing to change. Butterflies fade and are normally replaced with a feeling of comfort and enjoyment
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