kasey Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 This is my first post to this forum so please bear with me! I was in a 5 year relationship about a a year and a half ago and I still have feelings for my ex. We broke up due to career moves and still keep in contact every few months or so by email. It has been several months since we had written each other, and today we began to chat on a chat line. Feelings that I thought had faded came rushing back to me, and he admitted that he felt the same. We are both in committed relationships and live far apart from each other. I care very much for the person I am with now and really do believe that my current boyfriend is the "one" for me, but I just can't get rid of these feelings I have for my ex. I do not want to lose contact with my former boyfriend because we were also best friends, but I just can't seem to let these feelings go I have for him. Even though it's been a 1 year and 1/2 since the break-up and haven't seen each other since, since he moved a far distance from me, I still feel the pain just as I did a year ago. How do I move on from all these feelings and begin to heal? People tell me that time will heal all wounds but it just doesn't seem to be working for me! What is my next step?!
supermom Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 If you feel your current bf is the one then you should persue a relationship with him, but that doesnt mean you have to forget the love you had for your ex. A wrong thing to do however, is continue to talk in a loving way unless your bf is okay with it. An emotional affair, in my opinion, is also a form of cheating. You need to be honest, but it is okay to not forget either. This is only my opinion ............... good luck!
Author kasey Posted April 27, 2004 Author Posted April 27, 2004 Thanks so much for your reply. I do want to continue my relationship with my current boyfriend, but something always brings be back to my ex. I have such deep deep feelings for him, feelings that I cannot seem to put aside. When we do chat, which is not very often, every several months or so, it begins as a "hi, how are you doing" conversation, but those old bottled up emotions keep flooding back. It becomes overwhelming for me at times. I know he is not the "one" for me, but I do not know how to heal after the breakup. Before our conversation today, I had not spoken to my bf for several several months, but since Monday, I've felt the pain of the breakup was so brand new. This pain seems to come out of nowhere and I don't know how to keep it from sneeking up on me like that. I don't know how to begin to heal.
NatoPMT Posted April 28, 2004 Posted April 28, 2004 you are taking so long to get over him because you keep getting back in contact. stop contacting him. full stop. if you have issues you need to deal with, talk to him, as an ex, not as a friend, then shut the door and walk away. but i think that if you have issues to deal with, you just let it go or deal with them yourself, without needing his input as its you that needs to sort your feelings out, and giving him input to that will just transfer your ability to be happy into his court. you know hes not the one, you have other friends so you dont need his friendship so lose contact totally and stay that way. much much better, and you wont have to go through months of unexpected feelings leaping out from dark corners spooking you like this.
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