Arikel Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Well, for those who have read my threads before http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272940/ heres an update. After the whole incident where he was on holiday with his daughter, and blamed HER for being online on his laptop, said he was just browsing, giving a ton of excuses and basically just evading all my questions, I still gave him another chance. But I have had enough. We have been seeing each other for 10 months now, he's cheated once that I know of, keeps chatting to various girls (people 30 years his junior!), keeps inviting them over here, and before he went on this current 10 day 'business trip', had been checking out profiles of girls in that city. I had respected his privacy after the previous argument where I snooped his email and discovered him cheating, but when he left, I took another look. Found out that he was STILL chatting to various different women, been trying to invite a few over here to visit, been subscribed on dating sites again after so many arguments about it, and a few days before his trip been chatting/emailing a bunch of girls in that city. Oh, and he tacked on an extra 4 days onto his trip, pretending that he would be away so I wouldnt go over to his place, and invited another girl back to his apartment during that time! And everytime I point out these things hurt me, his argument is that 'He doesn't feel guilty'. Well, I'm well and truly over this man. Yes, I'm hurting, but not like when we broke up before when I confronted him about these things. I think I can get over him, as long as I never see him again. I wonder why I put up with all this, and put up with the fact that _I_ haven't had any sex for months because he 'loves me and can't view someone he loves sexually'. I find it strange that he gets angry whenever he knows he should feel guilty, but I guess thats the core problem with him, he just won't acknowledge that he is wrong. I dont understand how someone who claims he loves me NEVER says it unless its when we argue, then its all I love you, blah blah blah, but says it regularly to all these random girls he emails. Anyway, maybe I'll post more when I feel bad, but right now, I'm just moving on with my life. I guess I'll have to break up with him via the cowardly sms way, because I really don't want to see him anymore. And he is a persuasive person with a powerful personality that always makes me want to forgive him and let him do as he pleases. Well, he can go do whatever he likes, WITHOUT ME. Dollygirl, Kelemort, Darren Taylor, you guys were so right and I wish with all my heart I had taken your advice and gone NC when I first found out about all this. This post is a bit disjointed but my thoughts are just churning and I can't really organize. All I know is what I need to do, and that is to go NC. Thanks to all the people in loveshack for your support in my previous threads, I wish I had listened, but better late than never
Author Arikel Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I haven't spoken or txtd him (except to reply have a good trip) when he told me he landed. I'm still tempted to drop him a txt or call just to see how he's going.. But no, I'm going to keep NC. I just havent quite decided how to break up with him. I wrote him a long letter explaining why I'm hurt, and how I feel about things, it basically bares my heart. It's not an angry or attacking letter, it's about me and how I feel because I can't ever talk to him as he never let's me get a word on when we argue. I don't know if sending him that letter will actually achieve anything. Ive thought about it and what I hope to accomplish- I want him to understand why his actions are hurtful (he denies all feeling of guilt, he doesn't ever think that his actions were wrong), maybe I want him to realize why hes hurt me, and maybe realize that he loves me and needs me, and is willing to do what it takes to keep me with him. On the other hand I know that that's my delusion, and it will not happen. Even if it does, I could never trust him again, so what's the point? I want to send that email right when he's back, and before he picks up his new fling. Maybe it would upset him and he would behave badly (he's been grumpy at times with the first girl I found out about, I chatted to her to confirm things because she was being misled too, but she had always suspected because she had seen my txtd on his phone. She just ignored it and kept hoping for the best like I sometimes want to do). I hope his new fling calls him out on it, and since things won't be rosy perfect call him out on his obvious lies (he's aged since I met him, looks close to his real age now. Mystery for another day... Botox and hairdye ran out?). I don't know if my letter would actually affect him though. I want him to understand my feelings, but I don't want to lay bare my heart for him to just toss aside again or use against me. Maybe i should just wait for him to call and pretend to finally be back, then dump him on the spot. Maybe I should just give him a call and let him know we are done when he gets back. I guess it would be more 'right' but I don't want to talk to him and feel guilty or bad the way he can make me feel (and he's the one cheating!). What do you LS'sers think? Please bear in mind he is so manipulative and incapable of dealing with feeling bad about himself and his faults, and always makes me feel like I'm misjudging him. I love him and I hate him, but I want to ignore it all and pretend it's all ok Help!
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