MAGGIE15 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Hi guys, My ex and i have been on/off for the last 18+ months and it has finallty come to an end. He told me " he wanted to leave it for now" and has always been distant and cold, but always wanted to maintain contact with me. I took it as he cared when in reality, i guess i was just an ego boost for him and he used me to make himself feel good. After our last conversation, i realised that NC was really the only option i had, to get me out of this misery tht i seem to have been in for so long. The emotional toil for me has been so great that it affected my life in every way and the pain sometimes was unbearable. I realised that i was staying silent to help me heal and move on, whereas he was staying silent because he just doesnt care. Its been 4 days now and i am finding it so difficult. It takes me all my time not to reach for my phone and ask why? I watch my phone constantly for the text that i know weill NEVER arrive. My mind tells me it is the best thing that i can do for myself, yet i have such conflict within me. Ive cried so much for a man that clearly doesnt love me and probably never did if im honest, yet i cant seem to let go. If i know NC is the right thing for me to do, why do i have such a problem deling with it. I thought it would get easier , but it seems to be getting harder as the days go by. Why is this so difficult? Is it normal to feel like this , sadness, upset, lonely, even when i know it is the right thing to do.
smudge21 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 NC for a dumpee is the hardest thing you will ever do. Most people here know exactly what you're going through. I went NC and within a week I was finding other ways to find out about her (I hate Google for that). That desire to just get a little bit of knowledge is so tempting. The reason we do it is simple, because we want to hear something positive. It never happens - if the ex was planning on coming back, you'd hear from them. They'd make the effort, that's the only way it can ever be. So you have to keep reminding yourself that no matter how bad it gets right now, breaking NC will only make you feel worse. Try not to over think what you don't know either. You have no idea what is going on in his head, what he's thinking right now, so why presume he doesn't care. Yes, for most dumpers they moved on long before the relationship ended, but that doesn't mean all the feelings go. At some point memories do come back, I fail to believe anyone can be 100% cold hearted not to think about someone they spent their time with. Stay strong and stick with it. It does get better.
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